HAPPY 5TH!

This year I celebrated the holiday in a most American way, I worked...all fucking weekend. At first I was pissed about it, and wanted to do nothing more than chill at a friend's BBQ and get ripped on beer and whiskey. But in retrospect, I am glad I avoided the crazy shit going in the streets, parks and backyards of Chicago.

It wasn't a total loss of a weekend though. I cleaned the hell out of my apartment, but more importantly, went on a third date with a special guy that I really like! Actually, it was more of a "let's hang at my place and take each other's pants off" kind of thing, but a date nonetheless, or rather...of sorts. Still, it rocked.

The giant fireworks display so integral to his holiday wasn't part of my agenda, although I did blow off some roman candles with Chef in the alley behind the bar. That was fun. No one lost any fingers or eyes, we all had a few drinks (actually more than a few) and everyone got home safely. I consider that a solid and successful holiday.

Hope yours was too.

WARNING: HANDS OFF MY DAD IF YOU FIND YOUR SELF IN P-TOWN THIS WEEKEND

Yeah, my Dad has embraced his [shudder] sexuality to the point that he refers to that east coast mecca of gay debauchery, aka, Provincetown, MA as "P-Town". He and his former model, Korean interior designer and their puppy rented a cottage there this weekend.

Anyways, I'm happy for them; it's kinda almost cute but I don't want to think about it too much. Not too mention, I'll be stuck working my ass off, and probably won't see my guy this weekend, but it is what it is.

Where am I going with this? Oh, right. FUCK YOU people that aren't working on this most American of occasions. But have fun. Just don't brag about it to me. Deal?

IT'S AUGUST, AND SUMMER IS NOW HERE!

Here's one thing you may not know about me: I FUCKING HATE THE HEAT. I'll take sub zero winter weather anytime over a gross, humid Summer day. Thankfully, we've been lucky thus far. Most of this Chicago summer has been quite pleasant, and even down right chilly at times. No more!

It was in the mid-90's today, and tomorrow is expected to be bat shit hot, and close to 100. Ugh. It wouldn't be so bad if my place had A/C, or even just a window unit in my bedroom. Since I have neither I've spent the day marinating on my sticky leather couch, never venturing far from the fans I have setup.

It so hot in my place right now, that the wooden doors have swollen and must be yanked out and slammed shut. Just sitting here and typing has caused me work up a sweat. I think I may have gained 5 pounds in water today alone! And since m y hair is cropped super short, having a actually dry it was an odd sensation. I can't even imagine if I was a woman with long hair. That must suck!

Well, I'm done complaining, and I'm going to seek out an air conditioned apartment, or perhaps a nice frigid bar so that I can actually drink a cold one before it wilts and becomes room temperature. Later y'all.

FUCK HEALTH INSURANCE, MY ROOMIE IS PRE-MED

When I thankfully was relieved of a job that I fucking hated last fall (FUCK - it's been that long?) I was generously graced with a extension of my health benefits for a solid month. Assholes. Still, I took full advantage of that shit. I got my teeth cleaned, had a physical performed and my eyes checked. Everything checked out. WORD.

But since that time so long ago, I have been without access to proper health care. That's where my Super-Awesome-Roommate comes in. I don't really have "allergies" per se, but the weather has been so fucked up here lately, that I am exhibiting signs of having a latent allergy to severe, and sudden changes in the weather. Thus, when I awoke this morning, my head produced an astonishing array of substances that I will not disclose here.

INT. VINTAGE CHICAGO APARTMENT (DAY)

ME: "Ugh, I can't fucking breathe out of my nose."

ROOMIE: "Oh, that sucks...hang on [rustles through a bag in his room]...here try this, it's called Nasonex".

ME: "Oh, well, um, I usually don't use shit like that, but what the hell [SNORTSQUEEZESNORT]...WOOOOOOO! It's like...my nose works again!"

ROOMIE: "Yeah, that's good shit."

No shit! There was a recent instance in which we both regretted not having each other around for our mutual benefit. After my ride got jacked, I rented Nissan Sentra from Enterprise. This particular vehicle had an unintended option in the form of a jagged piece of metal jutting from the door frame. When I went to close the door *SLICE* went 2 of my fingers. Holy shit. I haven't bled like that since...since I don't remember when.

The next day he inquired about the abortion in our bathroom trash can and asked "did you slice your throat last night?" I explained about my then immobile fingers, and after showing the wounds, he got pissed...because he needs to practice his stitching technique. It's like my own private ER, which for a randomly, injury-prone moron like myself, is rather comforting.

Despite this reassuring presence in my immediate vicinity, I have chosed not to play softball this summer; I know it's a sport for lazy drunks like myself, but fuck if I'm going to break something and pay through the (newly freed) nose to get it fixed, this shall be known as the SUMMER OF LEAST RESISTENCE!

WOULD YOU LIKE TO GO ON A DATE? WELL, YES, YES I WOULD

Seeing as I have 5 precious days of freedom before New Roomie moves in, I thought I would take this last, gorgeous Sunday and devote it to myself. I'm taking myself out on a date, in my own apartment.

Within these four walls of mine are the following:

-Whiskey

-Budweiser

-My "friend from Canada" who smells good :)

-Cold pizza from Chicago's Pizza (best thin crust in the city)

-Season 6 of Curb Your Enthusiasm

-Cable TV

-Lupe Fiasco on my headphones

I'm not going anywhere that requires wearing pants, which mostly restricts me to my apartment, and that's totally fine with me. I'm completely going to take advantage of myself today.

BOYSBOYSBOYS

My big bro turned 32 last night, and to celebrate we went drinking (obviously). His friends gave me a lift, and on the way to the bar, Dan (one of my bro's friends) mentioned that he was going to invite a bunch of his buddies to join us. I jokingly said "I hope they're hot and at least one of them is gay".

Fast forward an hour and 3 Bell's Oberon later (so fucking psyched my favorite beer is back in the CHI!) and four guys, I shit you not, all smokin' hot walk in. Oh, and one of the hot boys brought his hot girl. Immediately, I recognized one of them...this guy who I'll refer to as Joey.

"Joey" used to work at my very gay gym at the front desk. I always thought he was cute, and he always seemed really friendly...like he remembered my name and always greeted me as such. Although he isn't obviously "gay", I always pegged him as a 'mo. My initial suspicion was confirmed, on more than one occasion, when I spotted him at various bars in Boystown.

Well, when he walked in to the bar last night, he said his hello's to his friends, and then made a beeline towards me. "Hi Justin!". Shit, he remembered my name! This in spite of the fact that he was already wasted from drinking all night playing "bags" with his stud-like straight friends.

We talked on and off all night, smoked cigs and eye-fucked one another. Towards the end of the night, I could tell he was fading, but before he left he offered me his number, and I did the same with mine (duh!). WOOT! I am SO getting Joey naked in the near future.

Speaking of getting guys naked...guess who wants to hang out tonight? Yup...Tony. I was reluctant to commit to make plans with him tonight, but I figured that if he flakes out I can always hit up Market Days. Or hang out with the other guy I've been casually seeing, who just left my place this very morning.

Seeing as I'm a bit boy crazy right now, let's throw in some random hot eye candy...

I'M SUCH A DICK & MY NEW FAVORITE BAND

So yesterday I'm at Pitchfork and waiting for my buddy to finish up in the Port-O-Potty. This guy struck up a conversation with me about the weather and how it sucked that the ground was so damp (lots of rain here yesterday).

I made some comment about all the girls walking around in super-trendy rubber boots. Then I proceeded to say that I've been pointing and laughing at "the fucking idiots" who decided to wear flip-flops and/or sandals. He demurely agrees, then walks off, and then I look at his feet. He was wearing Birkenstock's. Haha! What a fucking idiot.

Out of all the music I saw yesterday, !!!'s set (chkchkchk) was far and away the best. Seriously, this clip below barely does them justice, but it's still a sick track!

I am so ready to RAWK THE FUCK OUT today!

GOT ME THROUGH THE DAY

While sitting in near agony at work this morning (only getting 3 hours of sleep while do that to me) I kept returning to the same thought: "no matter how much this sucks Pitchfork is next weekend".

Last year's Pitchfork festival was the highlight of my Summer. Take 18,000, pack 'em into a small city park, invite 30+ bands to perform and make sure everyone has plenty of Goose Island beer. Gawd, despite the heat it was as close to paradise on earth than anything else I can think of (well, there are a few other things, but let's not go there).

Since I'm getting all amped up for this weekend (Les Savy Fav! Fucking AWESOME!) I thought I might share a few performances that I really enjoyed. Maybe you will too! Also, you can play the "Where's Justin?" in the crowd game.

BATTLES - "Atlas"

The record "Mirrors" was one of my 2007 favs, so I was really super psyched to see these guys perform live. Without a doubt, their set was one of the Top 5 I have every seen. Rarely have I ever felt energy like without aid of acid or mushrooms. I was legally sober but I was thinking at the time that had they played an longer I most defiantly had some sort of a flashback.

JAMIE LIDELL - "Game For Fools"

To this day I recall standing in the beer line when I heard this amazing voice...I thought "did Marvin Gaye come back to life?" and then I turned the corner and saw a skinny white dude wearing Buddy Holly glasses and a gold lame robe. Man, what a voice!

CLIPSE - "Ride Around Shining"

Like songs about slinging coke? Regardless of the subject matter, this shit was insane. Whoever said live hip-hop doesn't live up to what is recorded in the studio has never seen these guys live. Even standing in the back of the crowd, the bass still shook my entire body. Materialism has never sounded this fun.

If you're not into music, you might want to avoid my blog this week as that is the only thing I intend to blog about. It's the official GFC Awesome Music Week! WOOT!

NEW ROOMIE ON THE HORIZON?

Well, the grand experiment with living part-time with my Father seems to be drawing to an early, premature close. He's not going to be coming to Chicago every few weeks anymore, so it makes no sense for him to contribute towards my rent, as he has no real need for a place to crash in the CHI.

That means I need to find a new Roomie, and quick, as there is no way in hell I can afford to pay the full rent on my own and maintain the somewhat decadent lifestyle to which I have become accustomed. To make rent on my own, I would have to significantly curtail my social life, not buy new clothes/shoes or become a hustler, and none of these options are viable.

The situation is far from dire as I have until the end of July to figure my shit out. My first thought was to inquire amongst my friends about anyone they may now that needs a place, and I have one potential prospect at the moment. But if that falls through and no others develop, well, Hello Craiglist!

I could hit the Random Roomie Jackpot and find a cool guy or gal to share my place with, one whom does not me occasionally walking around in various states of undress and/or drunkenness, but I much prefer a known quantity, even if it's one that I don't know personally, but know through others. This should be an interesting plot twist for the Summer...

PS - It's so FUCKING HOT in Chicago right now. Ugh, I need a cold beer.

MY SLUTTY NIGHT WITH A ROWER

This post is dedicated to the anonymous reader who left this comment: "Seems like every other post is about booze, pot, or music. Where is the sex?"

While I have made the conscious decision to not blog about my more recent sexual exploits, I will share particular experience that occurred last July. Previously, I posted a brief summary of the hot shit that transpired, but since it seems that all I post about are boring things, let's take a deeper look back at the Hottest Night of My Life.

If graphic depictions of guys having crazy sex bothers you, this would be a good time to hit the refresh button on your browser.

It was a hot, humid night last July, and although the beer in my hand was cold, watching the Cubs game while laying on my leather couch in an un-air-conditioned apartment was less than satisfying. Thus, I opted to watch the rest of the game at Crew.

Seeing as this was a night game on a Thursday Night my plan was to have a few pints and go home early. However, my eye was drawn to a tall, good looking frat boy type. Since I wasn't "looking" I remained perched on my bar stool and sipped beer while cheering on the Cubs.

After about 30 minutes, the hot frat boy guy hovered near me and tapped me on the shoulder and asked "hey man, do you shoot pool?". Why yes, yes I do. We introduced ourselves to one another and he got $5 worth of quarters. At this point I'm thinking "holy shit this is awesome, this guy is hot as fuck but this is probably just a friendly thing.

And it was. Half way into our first game he asks me if I'm single and I say am but when I pose the same question to him, he responds that he "kind of" has a boyfriend.

Upon further questioning he reveals that his "kind of" boyfriend is his Crew coach that he fucks from time to time. he wants more of a commitment than his coach/fuck-buddy/BF is willing to offer, and all of a sudden I thought that I was transported into some sort of bad plot line to a gay porno.

Crew guy proceeds to ask me why I'm single. He tells me that a good looking guy such as my self [blushing at this point] should not be alone and that any number of guys would consider themselves lucky to be with me.

Seeing as he was drunk I shook this praise off as him humoring me. But then he announces that he is going to find me a guy to go home with, that very night.

"Let's ditch this place and hit up Boystown" he says, and we do, eventually arriving at good ol' Sidetrack. But since it was close to 1AM on a weeknight, the place is fairly dead.

He encourages me to approach several guys, and though I do, I find none appealing. At one point I remarked, "why would I want to talk to these other guys, I'm already talking to the hottest guy in the room".

He smiles, we finish our drinks and leave. He gives me vague directions to his friend's place but we can't find it, and agree to go back to my place.

Within seconds of entering my apartment he grabs me by the back of my neck and we start making out. I lead him towards my bedroom while taking his jeans off, and responds in kind. Tongues everywhere on each others body and soon we're both naked and sweaty due to the lack of A/C and sheer lust.

"Get 2 ties and a t-shirt" he says. "For what?" I ask but do it anyway. He uses my old Brooks Brothers tie to tie my wrists together behind my head, another shitty tie from Target to tie my ankles together and then blindfolds me with the t-shirt. He then goes down on me and gets me close, but then backs off and says "OK - nice to meet you, I'm taking your keys, wallet and cell phone, good luck getting un-tied".

For a moment I panicked, trying to get loose from the tight knots he tied, but I can also still sense that he is still in the room and watching me squirm. After about 30 seconds I decide to lay still and he busts out laughing saying "got you!" and un-ties me and removes the blindfold.

We make out a little bit but in the process I grab a tie and get his hands together behind he head, turn him over and fuck him for at least 30 minutes in an assortment of positions, eventually firing my cum all over his hot body.

Both of us spent, breathing deeply and covered in sweat he goes "I want to show you something". Still in a daze i ask what and he responds that he really, REALLY wants to show me his Crew Uni. I'm again thinking this is something out of a porno, and decline, seeing as it's 3AM and I have go to work in the morning, but he refuses to take no for an answer.

Exhausted, but curious I drive us over to his place, letting him smoke in my car on the way (I don't smoke in my car, but seeing as I just fucked him, I didn't car). We arrive and gets out of my car and says he'll be right back. 10 minutes later he's back in my passenger seat, dressed just as he was before.

Then he unzips his tight jeans, and takes my hand, placing it on his now Lycra encased thigh. "Feels good, right?" is perhaps among the most redundant questions I've ever been asked.

He then removes this jeans, we make out and then he abruptly stops, opens the car door and gets in the back seat of my car. Keep in mind that I drive a small Japanese hatchback.

I'm thinking this is not practical, but then I'm also glad I brought a pocketful of condoms with me. We begin to awkwardly fuck in my backseat but it was then getting light out and doing what we were doing, parked on a residential street was not a smart move.

"I have an idea, follow me" and I do while pulling my pants on and crawling out of my car. We go into his apartment building, but not to his place proper. He has roommates, he says, so we enter the basement which is under construction with exposed framed walls and sawdust everywhere.

Improvising with my dick in my hand, I bend him over a saw-horse and we go at it again. I have to cover his mouth with my hand because of the voices he was making, but 15 minutes or so later, I cum again, big time, all over the place, as does he.

We practically on one another at that point but say nothing but breath heavily on each other's necks. It's now 6AM and we both have to work in just a few hours, so we reluctantly get dressed, exchange numbers and depart.

The drive home was bizarre to say the least. Here I am stuck in early morning rush hour looking every inch of a whore, bumping Mos Def and smoking with all my windows down. I didn't get much sleep night/day, probably less than an hour, but I still got to work on-time, and damn if I didn't have a stupid grin on my face the whole day.

I still have his underwear...

DAMN, THAT'S SOME CRAZY SHIT

The weather Gods must be pissed at Chicago because this afternoon's predicted thunderstorm turned angry, nasty and violent, (kinda like my cousin after a few too many stiff cocktails).

My desk at work faces two large plate glass windows so I had a ring-side seat to the storm. It started like most August Midwestern one's do...the temperature drops, the wind picks up and the dark clouds roll in. However, this one was unique in that the dark clouds weren't just dark, they were black as night and very low. The sky almost looked like an angry sea in that the clouds did not move in one direction, but rather seemed to churn together. That usually means one thing and one think only, tornado!

Thankfully I didn't see one but the rain was fierce and pelted the big glass windows with intimidating thuds. Then the power went out, then on, then off and then back on after five minutes. Huge pieces of debris from a nearby construction site wafted through the air and sirens blared in the distance.

A tornado warning (not a watch, a fucking warning) was issued for central and east Cook county thus the air traffic controllers at O'Hare and Midway airports had to abandon the control towers, (I would not want to be flying in or out of Chicago tonight).

When it was time for me to drive home the storm had died down and despite fallen trees and broken traffic signals, the commute home wasn't too bad. In fact, it was downright eerie at times with that empty streets and green sky casting an ominous haze over everything. Of course, right before I got home the storm picked up again, this time even more intense and the short sprint from my car to my front door was enough to get soaked to my bones.

Now I'm sitting in my place, nice and dry, sucking on a beer and enjoying the sound of the thunder crashing down all around me. The street outside my window has over a foot of standing water in it now, which kinda worries me but not as much as the enormous 85 year old oak and maple trees that are right outside my window. That would kinda suck if one of them got hit my lightening and crashed in to my place. Thankfully, I doubt that will happen.

I love summer thunderstorms! Bring it on bitches!

MY BIG GAY WEEKEND (FINALLY)

Last weekend's sexual conquest shared many elements with some of my other experiences from this summer, specifically beer, shooting pool, lesbians and the "Are you gay?" question. Of course there are always other, unique and defining elements. With the Columbian Architect, it was his sexy accent. With Crew Guy it was his Crew Uni that he modeled for me (that was so fucking hot). With JT-Lite it was his beard and cute hairy chest. And with the Puerto Rican Construction worker from last weekend, it was his cornrows.

Market Days really wasn't all that. On Saturday afternoon I braved the staggering heat and made my way down to Boystown. Market Days, for those not in the know, is a weekend towards the end of the Summer when the city ropes off a six block corridor of Boystown and let's the Gays go wild, which they certainly did last weekend. Immediatly upon entering the festival I noted a multitude of drunk, shirtless and sweaty men. It's almost like the interior of a gay dance club, but outside in the sun.

My intention was to meet my favorite lesbian couple and their friends, and to meet up with a few other friends. The place was packed shoulder to shoulder around each of the six stages, which made it difficult to find anyone. Finally I found Dee and his friend and I suggested we hit up a bar to escape the heat (it was really HOT) and since we were standing in front of Sidetrack we went there. We flashed our ID's and walked into a bar that was even more crowded than the street.

We ended up on the rooftop deck (which was probably even hotter than the street below) and sat down in the shade. Initially my senses were in overdrive. There were hotties EVERYWHERE and I noted how every guy seemed to have wide, hungry looking eyes. It was like being on a safari, but with gay men substituted for animals. We started talking to bunch of guys, one of whom I found very much to my liking, a really tall frat boy/gay guy hybrid of a man with piercing blue eyes.

But the heat, coupled with the fact that he was coupled precluded anything serious, and we made our way downstairs to cool off in the A/C. Have I ever blogged about my strong dislike of show tunes? Fuck, they drive my crazy and in the main bar area they were blaring them and most of the guys were shouting the lyrics back at the televisions. We circled the packed bar in another room (this place is huge) which was kinda fun because rather than saying excuse me when bumping into someone, the standard response was "heeey cutie" or something to that effect.

Eventually we left to meet my awesome cool lesbian friends and walked around in the sticky humidity and the drunk crowds of guys. The music emanating from the stages was not really my thing and eventually, after an hour or so we all decided to take off and find a less crowded bar. My new friend CP (sup' dude!) and I got separated from everyone else but we went to bar anyways, sat down (man that felt good) and ordered beers. Eventually everyone else found their way there too, but CP had to go (no worries man!).

While chatting with my friends at the bar I noticed an odd sight: a tall, Latino with almost gold skin, a goatee and long cornrows wearing baggy jeans and a huge t-shirt. Normally this is not my type but this guy was smokin' hot. I turned to my friend and asked her is this guy was really hot or if I might be suffering from heat stroke. Thankfully it was the former rather than the latter. Since I was NOT looking I returned my attention to the TV and conversation with friends.

At one point I got up to use the bathroom and when I walked back to the bar the guy with the Cornrows locked eyes with me and approached me when I was near the pool tables.

Hot Guy: "Hey man"
Me: "Hey, what's up?"
Hot Guy: "You wanna shoot a game of stick?"
Me: (can't believe my luck) "Sure, uh, let me, uh, get some quarters"

He racked and I grabbed a stick, he told me to break and I did, a nice, solid pop of a shoot but nothing dropped. We agreed to play for a beer, and got to talking. He was seemed like a really cool guy and not at all what I thought he would be like when I first saw him. In the middle of the game, a guy in his 40's wearing short, short cut off jeans shorts announced he was going to play the winner. Despite my best efforts, I lost.

Hot Guy: "Nice game man"
Me: "you too, whatcha drinkin'?"
Hot Guy: "whatever, I don't care"

I figured most people like Heineken, bought one, handed it to him and let him play Jean Cut Off Man. Sitting back down with my friends I thought nothing of what just happened. Although we were in a gay bar, he certainly did not seem gay, and since I was NOT looking I let it be. About 15 minutes later Hot Guy taps on my shoulder and asks if I want to play again. I didn't want to be rude to my friends but they said it was cool.

We played 3 more games, 2 of which I won (yay! free beer). I noticed Jean Cut Off Man was glaring at me, arms crossed from across the room. When I said this to Marco (we finally formally introduced ourselves) and he told me that Jean Cut Off Man was trying to get him to come home with him and kept telling him that he had a 9 inch cock. Marco said he would never go home with a guy like that. This prompted the following conversation:

Marco: "Hey man, can I ask you something?"
Me: "sure, what's up?"
Marco: "are you, like, into guys?"
Me: "Yeah, I'm gay"
Marco: "oh, because, like I couldn't..."
Me: "Yeah, no worries man, this isn't the first time someone has asked me that...what about you? Are you gay?"
Marco: (pause that seemed to go on for too long) "I'd say I'm 75% into woman and 25% into guys"

Of course. We talked more, had another round and then he asked me:

Marco: "hey, you wanna go back to your place?"
Me: (no fucking way) "Uh, well, we could, uh...do that I guess"
Marco: "cool, let's get out of here"
Me: "one minute, I gotta talk to my friends"

I sought the consul of my friends and they just told me to be safe and not be too much of a slut. They told me to call them if they needed me and I promised to.

Moments later I found myself walking towards the train stop with this fucking stud. I repeated the following mantra in my head "I will not get my fuck on I will not get my fuck on".

On the train he asked me if I had ever fucked a girl before and when I said no the look on his face was priceless.

Marco: "You never fucked a girl?"
Me: "Nope, never"
Marco: "than how do you know if you're not straight"
Me: "dude, I just know, I never wanted to fuck a girl"
Marco: "well, maybe we should pick up a hot girl and have a threesome"
Me: (momentarily speech) "...um, that's OK, I think I'll stick with guys for now..."

I wondered what my neighbors would think if I ran into any of them then decided not too worry since the only opinion that truly matters is mine. About this time I thought that if we did hook up with was going to be a one time thing since I'm not about to date a guy that clearly was more into woman than guys. Whatever. We picked up some beer at the corner store and went to my place.

I couldn't believe this guy was in my place. What is this stud doing here? I showed him around and we decided to watch a movie. He picked "The Bourne Ultimatum" and we sat down on my comfy couch. During the movie we leaned into one another and briefly kissed but then he pulled away and said he doesn't like kissing guys, so I settled on his neck, and he voiced his pleasure. I laid back and returned y attention to the movie and I noticed he reached in his jeans and adjusted himself. Damn.

Not quite sure how but we ended up back in my room and quickly got undressed. Now I know what you might be thinking, but we didn't fuck. Yet. After some fun he announced he was hungry and walked into the kitchen, stark naked. I followed behind and drooled at the site of his awesome body. When he told me earlier in the night that he worked in construction I wondered what he looked like without his baggy clothes on. Well, now I knew and it was enough to make my heart beat faster.

After he ate a microwaved burrito w drank more beer, had cig and then my phone rang; it was my brother's girlfriend. While I was talking to her Marco grinned and came around behind me and started rubbing his cock against my backside. Needless to say, I sounded like Peter Brady to my brother's girlfriend.

We ended up back in my and were kissing each other all over (his pecs were so hot!) when I made the mistake of touching his hair.

Marco: "Don't touch the rows man"
Me: "shit, sorry about that" (like I knew!)
Marco: "shit cost $50 to get braided"
Me: "really?"

More kissing ensued. After applying some lube I chucked the bottle on the floor but realized we used to much, as it was a bitch and a half putting a condom on. I went through 3 before we got it all good and I went to town. So much for my mantra.

We woke up around 11AM and took showers. I needed to get going to meet my brother and his girlfriend and my dad for brunch. Since he had lost his phone earlier last night before we met, I wrote down my number and told him to call if he felt like it. I didn't think he would, but you never know right?

Around 7:30PM he called. I picked him up and we came back to my place, drank beer and watched "The Departed". Great flick. Even better was when he would get all excited at the action scenes. I laid down and rested my feet in his lap and he rubbed them, and then his other hand would disappear inside his jeans. Damn!

We fooled around a bit afterwards but nothing major (no oral/anal) and feel asleep. It had been a long weekend and we were tired and I had had enough fun. Or so I thought. Around 4AM I o and lightly rubbed those x pecs which caused him to stir. He opened his eyes and said:

Marco: "Fuck me"
Me: "Huh?"
Marco: "Fuck me right now"
Me: (squinting at the clock) "It's 4AM"
Marco: "Put it in me, right now"

Who was I to say no?

With that he grabbed me and I my manhood went from zero to 60 in 20 seconds flat (OK, maybe not that fast, but it seemed like it). I fumbled around for a condom and soon after obeyed his orders. Goddamn. We fell back asleep but the alarm went off way too soon. While he was getting ready I was reading the news, which is when I discovered that Karl Rove announced he was going to resign. Fuck. Me. How awesome!

Well, that might have been the longest post I ever wrote. I know it might seem like bullshit or some wild fantasy I concocted in my head but really, I'm not that creative. I'm as surprised as anyone. I doubt I'll ever see Marco again since he mentioned he is moving to Florida soon. But that's OK. Last weekend was almost too much to deal with on a regular basis and while he's great, I don't think he's boyfriend material.

I swear I'm not always this much of a whore. I blame it all on the heat...

THE SUMMER OF LOVE (2007 EDITION) ROLLS ON

Well, I went out to the local gay bar last night and met another guy. Now, keep in mind that I don't go to this bar that often but when I do I usually sit in "my spot". Why it is my spot? For one thing, it affords me a commanding view of 3 plasmas showing various baseball games and it's about in the middle of the bar, meaning that I have a nice view of the crowd on my left, and the crowd on my right. After I settled in and ordered a beer from the adorable bartender whom seems to recognize me now (I usually tip him really well) and look to my right, 2 bar stools down and there sits a cute white guy sporting a light beard and a sleeveless t-shirt. He seems to be scanning the room but for the first few minutes I just sip my beer and suck down a Camel.

Suavely I lean over and ask "hey, you shoot pool?". No response. "Hey man..." and again there is no response. I realize it's not that he's being rude but it's just loud and apparently I wasn't projecting my voice. A minute or two passes, he looks in my general direction and we make eye contact. "Hey...you...shoot...pool?" I say. "Well, I'm not too good but sure, whatever..." says the cute boy that I think slightly (ever-so) resembles Justin Timberlake. He pauses and says something else but I can't hear a damn thing so I get up off my stool and sit on the one next to him. We introduce ourselves.

Over small talk someone steals the lone pool table (dude shooting pool alone, mind you) but frankly I don't care since I'm sitting next to JT-Lite. We order a round of beers and discover the following things we both have in common: a) we grew in about the same area, b) we both went to Catholic elementary school, and c) we both did some theater work in high school (how gay!). For the next hour and a half we don't stop talking, not even for a moment. I had had enough beer but the adorable bartender poured me another and told me it was on him (thanks man!).

We shared the last beer and I ask him if he wants to take a walk. He does. Walking down the street I see a black Porsche 911 Turbo parked and I casually walk towards it, reach into my pocket for my keys and say "we'll, here's where I'm parked" (it's an old joke of mine, and a really cheesy one) and he laughs and playfully hits me in the arm. We keep walking and realize that we are now in the shady part of this neighborhood and circle back. I walk over to where I'm parked and ask him if he wants a ride but he thinks I'm kidding again. I am not. This really is my car!

Predictably, we end up back at his place. JT-Lite lives alone in a studio on the 12th floor of a building near the lake. It's an old hotel turned into apartments and it's got a nice view of the busy city below. He bemoans his lack of beer or booze but I tell him it's cool, we've both had more a few already. He puts on some music (Elliot Smith, I'm impressed) and we keep talking, and talking. Turns out he went to school to be a massage therapist (cha-ching!) and rubs my shoulders and then, well, we make out. For an hour. All I'll say is that I was a good boy and kept it in my pants, which is quite the feat considering I wasn't wearing any.

Eventually we drifted off to sleep, nakedly holding one another. It was pretty fucking sweet. I stayed the night and cursed his alarm clock when it went off at 7AM. Somehow I made it to home in time to take a shower, feed the cats and even make a sandwich for work. We've been texting here and there all day and we have plans to see a movie tonight. Score! I don't care what we see as long as I'm sitting next to him in a dark room, (with the exception of the Harry Potter movie). This guy is awesome and doesn't seem like the flash in the pan/Crew Guy type. He seems genuine and really sweet. Cute laugh too.

This is random, but remarkable nonetheless: JT-Lite has too younger brothers and all 3 of them are gay! Talk about a gay trifecta!

PS - You Deserve A Blowjob will be taking the week off.

SUMMER IN THE CITY

Many people seem to think that Chicago winters are brutal, and though they can be, I've developed a tolerance of sorts to sub-zero wind chills temperatures, freezing rain and blowing snow. What I have yet to gain is tolerance to the extreme opposite - temperatures in the mid-to-upper 90's coupled with humidity over 50%. And no one should. Since I don't have A/C in my place (the construction of my apartment predates the existence of such an invention) I have 2 choices when it's bat-shit insane hot outside: I can go to a movie/sit in a chilly bar or I can hit the beach and go swimming. Normally I choose the former but on Saturday I choose the latter.

While applying sun block I had a thought - couldn't someone in my ancestry have fucked an Italian or a Spaniard? It that too much to ask? Apparently, it is because my bloodline is almost exclusively German/Swiss and Luxembourgian (damn - maybe I should have been a banker) and therefore my tolerance to both heat and getting sunburned is exceedingly low. [When I was in Mexico last year I used 75 SPF - a product that should come packaged with a paint roller - it works well though).

Sitting in my boardies I got 2 calls within the space of 10 minutes. One friend suggested I hit up the "Gay Beach" (yes - we have one here, and if you ever have the inclination to check it out it's called Hollywood Beach) and another friend asked if I wanted to join him and his friends at said "Gay Beach". Since my friend MarK (who is not gay) was already on his way to pick me up to take us to a "Not-So-Gay Beach" I had to decline (next time D).

We parked and while walking through the park a beautiful woman and an even more beautiful man carrying an enormous cooler asked us "which way is the beach?". Um, see that big fucking body of water to the east? You know, one of largest bodies of fresh water in the world? It's called Lake Michigan! Smart ass that MarK is he pointed to the block of condo buildings to the West and chatted with the hot girl while I tried not to drool over the shirtless, statuesque man covered in tattoos (definite jerk-off fodder).

Once we got to the beach I saw the following sight: a group of 8 or 10 presumably gay men playing "Ultimate Frisbee" wearing nothing but matching white Calvin Klein briefs (unless I missed a memo, straight guys don't do that). They were playing against a team of women who might or might not have been lesbians. Dunno. What I do know is that I was once again forced to try not to drool. I mostly exceeded but only because said straight friend was less than interested in being a spectator and we moved on.

Approaching the shoreline I noticed a funny thing, no one was in the water. I noticed the Red Flag at the lifeguard stand and muttered "FUCK" a few times. A red flag means do not go in the water unless e coli is your thing. Since swimming in water filled with shit is not my thing we complied with the lifeguards admonishment not to go swimming. Instead, we walked around as I checked out hot guys and my friend checked out hot ladies.

This was nice but since it was hot as hell and we both wanted to get our swim on. After much debate and a Slurpee, MarK proposed hitting up a local city pool. Since we Catholic Boys will try (almost) anything I agreed and we discovered two things - city pools are free to use and there is one around the corner from my place. Really, how exactly did I not know about this before? I blame it all on my misspent and recreational drug fueled youth.

Jumping in the water after 4 hours of bullshitting around felt like getting a blow job for the first time, by which I mean it was awesome but also slightly unsettling. Why? The culprit was chlorine. Lots of it. I peered at the shallow end of the pool and noted the irony of not being allowed to swim in shit but being allowed to swim in piss. After cooling off for a bit I got out of the pool (looking sexy as hell mind you - haha). Rather than laying on a bath towel (not one of yours Roomie!) laid upon top of a slab of union concrete, we split and I retired to my bat-shit insane hot apartment and took a very, very cold shower.

Summer in the City...