POOR MAN'S LOTTERY TICKET

One might assume that along with my other illicit habits, that I would be a "natural" gambler. Not so. In fact, I am terrible at gambling, and since I normally decline to participate in activities that I'm bad at, I rarely if ever wager my hard earned money.

Now that I think about it, my biggest "score" occurred way back in 2003. Rambling around the Harrah's off the Vegas Strip at 7am, in search of a McDonald's, I sat down at a $0.25 slot machine ("Red White N' Blue!"), popped $1 in, grabbed that lever and out came $75 dollars. I was stunned. That Egg McMuffin tasted DAMN GOOD.

All that being said, I do in fact play the lottery several times a week. Not the stupid scratch off cards or ticket variety, buy what I call "Poor Man's Lottery". Every time you but something at Walgreen's, the receipt invites you to take a short survey; once a month they choose 1 random respondent, and that person receives $3,000.

Seeing as my main competition are little old blue haired women, I like my odds. Plus, I'm gotten so AWESOME at taking these dumb surveys, I can knock them out in 30 seconds flat. Ironically, if I did actually win $3,000 I'd probably piss it away at Arlington Park. Or buy a Volvo. Or SNEAKERS!

PS - Anyone notice I bought "STD" Pomade? Fuck! Good thing I kept the receipt...

AUDI'S NEW SNUFF FILM

Sometimes things other than images of people fucking turn me on, specifically well designed objects like a skyscraper, a pair of shoes or in this case, a REALLY FAST FUCKING CAR. The Audi R8 Spyder is a member of my masturbatory dream garage and now they made it even better. The 5.2L v10 pumping out 525HP and 391LB-FT of torque is still there, as is the aluminum space frame, only now they ripped the rood off. Praise Jesus. Seriously. I know people always embed stupid clips of random shit on blogs, but the 90-second film below is super fucking neat-o. Check it out!

Anyone got $150,000 to loan me? I really need a car and this one suits me perfectly. It's wildily impracticable, it guzzles gas like Pierre Fitch guzzles cock and would you look at those LCD headlamps!!! I WANT! As if you haven't already noticed, this car brings out my inner 12 year old. Which I think is the point of cars like this. Well, that and to get laid like, 8 times day. Which would actually be a necessity since the sound of the mid-engine would make my dick hard.

PS - I'll settle for the hard top version too. Or a Lamborghini Gallardo LP560-4 (both are very much the same under the skin).

PPS - I think I should get a job writing copy for car ads. Audi? HELLO!