I GOT TO BE A BOUNCER TODAY

And my God it felt good! And by today, I suppose I mean yesterday. Anyways, it was fucking crazy at work yesterday; not only did the Bulls come back at the last second (YES!!!) we also dealt with a large contingent of rowdy soccer fans. Easily in the top 5 of nuttiest days I've worked ever.

Anyways, I had that floor locked down, but around 3PM, my boss, several customers and myself noticed the pungent smell of strong herb wafting about. Process of determination lead me to the source, which was the hot as FUCK guy I presume either surfs or performs in gay for pay porn in his free time.

Which means he's really hot. And he was. Gorgeous, and I don't use that adjective readily. That being said, God, in his infinite wisdom may have blessed him with beauty, but he forgot to give him a fucking brain, and he thought it would be cool to light up a joint the size of my forearm right in front of the door to the bar.

Here's the approximate conversation that took place:

ME: "YOU STUPID FUCKING IDIOT, WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?

PRESUMABLY RETARDED HOT GUY: "..."

ME: [ANGRY JUSTIN CHICAGO VOICE] "SMOKE THAT FUCKING SHIT ELSEWHERE YOU FUCKING SHITHEAD"

PRESUMABLY RETARDED HOT GUY: [Locks flowing in the breeze] "..."

ME: "YOU STUPID FUCKING IDIOT, WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?

And he ran. I'm not into using my limited authority to invoke involvement of the police, but what a fucking moron. I mean, really. Smoke in the fucking alley if you need to, I don't care. But when you are smoking pot in daylight in full view of literally hundreds of people...use your head (or what's left of it).

SO, long story short, I was THAT guy today, the asshole bouncer, and Goddamn it felt good. Sorry if my recent antidotes stem from work, but it's much better than the sad/awful ones derived from my DUI classes.

That being said I will leave you, dear reader, with one chestnut. This guy claimed that he simply "pushed" his girlfriend. What he left out was that he pushed her from a 3rd story floor...my GOD. It's a fine line, much like the story I presented earlier...so yeah.

PUSH-SAY

Yes, It's nearly 5am and I'm up and writing. So what? Who cares [tugs collar]? Yeah, these late nights are making my late nights...later. Anyways, tonight at work I had an uncomfortable discussion about...a certain part of the female anatomy that begins with the letter "P" and ends with the letter "Y".

Reason was, one of the bartenders, who is recently married and was bored, and during his brief interlude, over a cigarette, we got on the subject of getting laid. 2 things dawned on me:

-I'm still not out to these mostly hyper masculine (but cool) dudes at work.

-And damn, I need to get fucking laid, like 15 fucking minutes ago.

But yeah, either way, ugh, should I come out to my co-workers? That might strike you as an obvious "YES", but really, does it matter? I dunno. It's a minor dilemma, but one that has kept my mind buzzing at nearly daybreak.

At the least, I wonder if it would change their level of "discourse". Also, most of these guys are my brother's buddies; has he purposely not informed them of status? Perhaps it just never came up.

Also, it's like 35 degrees. What the WHAT? Already!? SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIT SON.

PS - The title refers to how I apparently pronounce the word.

FUCK GAY LIMBO

About a week or so ago I posted with the headline "I'm A Very Happy Boy!". Of course, my happiness (temporary as it was) stemmed from a guy I briefly dated and having reconnected with. After our awesome date, I was feeling very good, very positive. All week I had a dopey grin on my face and a literal "spring" in my step.

Now, seeing as how our last excuse for "dating" went I wasn't putting too much stock in things going forward. Still, we talked on and off during the week, and made vague plans to hang out on that weekend. And since every time we went out we ended back at my place, I was eager to see his place, and hang out in his 'hood.

On Thursday he mentioned how me might have to get up early on Saturday morning to hang out with his sister, his husband and their kid. No problem. Saturday Night would work for me too. Well, on Saturday he calls and says he has a birthday party to go to in the suburbs, and because he was relying on friends for a ride, he might not get back until late.

Needless to say, I made other plans, and he never got back to me. Although I was reluctant, I wasn't going to hold anything against him, and texted him the next day to see if he wanted to chill sometime "soon". Well, again, not surprisingly, he never responded.

Believe me when I say I'm not surprised, or offended and defiantly not sad about it. It just seems illogical to me that someone would randomly express interest in me, than leave me hanging. Had he called me and said "hey, you know, you're a totally unattractive foul mouthed asshole, fuck you and die a slow death". That I could deal with...at least I would know where I stood, rather than being stuck in gay limbo.