OVERWHELMED

Fucking shit, the wake I went to today was so very sad (obviously). But it was so much more than that. It was also an impromptu grade & high school reunion. And everyone looked like shit because everyone could NOT hold back their tears. We also all have aged over the years.

The line to pass the (thankfully) closed casket snaked out the back of the door, and it took about an hour to reach...Mikey. FUCK, his family placed blown up pictures of him (he was really, really good looking) along the way, which just screwed with my head. I did all I could to support my good friend Sue, and be her "husband" (he couldn't fly back from Alaska) and be strong as fuck.

Mostly, I held it together, but when Mikey's Mom told me "we had him for 29 wonderful years" I fucking completely lost it. I dashed to the coat room, grabbed my jacket, and smoked 2 cigs back to back while bawling my eyes out.

I got my shit together enough to engage in random conversations with people I haven't seen in 15, maybe even 20 years. One girl in particular, I used to have an innocent crush on in the 5th grade. We briefly re-connected, embraced and she totally fucking lost it, weeping on my (mostly healed) shoulder.

Everywhere I looked, I saw red, moist eyes, 15-20 years removed from what I last saw. FUCK. If you saw me in the line to pay respects, you'd figure me as an asshole, since I tried my best to tell jokes and laugh and shit, which was my defense, and my way of acting strong for those around me.

It's the hardest fucking thing I've ever been through.

YOU'LL NEVER THINK OF ME THE SAME

I know I like to joke around and stuff, or regale my readers with bawdy tales of drunkenness and/or hooking up from time to time. But if I may, I'd like to get serious for a moment. [WARNING: SERIOUS BLOG POST INCOMING!!!]

OK...so, I'll just lay it all out. Last night, I was a little drunk, at home, with not much to do. And I fear that I made a major, potentially life altering error. It's something I'm not proud of, in fact, my actions actions are overwhelming me with regret. [DRAMATIC DEEP BREATH]

...I watched "NYC Prep". I know! Like ZOMG!!! Whatever "street cred" I had, has since vanished into the ether, at approximately 8:48PM Central, 7/7/2009; a date that I shall never forget. Thus was and is the day in which I had to return my balls, and quietly slink into the background. The future holds nothing but shame for me.

First the Real World: Cancun, and now this. I am FUCKED!

So afraid I had ceased to function as a 29 year old American male, I had to immediately report to the nearest dive bar/shit hole and win 6 concurrent games of 8-ball against grizzled, blue collar guys (I actually did, shit was bad-ass!) just to make sure I wasn't totally brain dead. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'll be in the corner, weeping and inconsolable.

PS: PC is so "family".

A WORLD OF HURT/DRIVE BY TRUCKERS

Once upon a time, my advice to you would have been go out and find yourself a whore
But I guess I've grown up, because I don't give that kind of advice anymore

Gonna be a world of hurt / Gonna be a world of hurt / Gonna be a world of hurt

I was 27 when I figured out that blowing my brains wasn't the answer
So I decided, maybe I should find a way to make this world work out for me
And my good friend Paul was 83 when he told me; that "To love is to feel pain"
And I thought about that then and I've thought about that again and again

Gonna be a world of hurt / Gonna be a world of hurt / Gonna be a world of hurt

"To love is to feel pain" there ain't no way around it
The very nature of love is to grieve when it is over
The secret to a happy ending is knowing when to roll the credits
Better role them now before something else goes wrong
No, it's a wonderful world, if you can put aside the sadness
And hang on to every ounce of beauty upon you
Better take the time to know it there ain't no way around it
If you feel anything at all

Gonna be a world of hurt / Gonna be a world of hurt / Gonna be a world of hurt

So if what you have is working for you, or you think that it can stand a reasonable chance, and whatever's broken seems fixable and nothing's beyond repair
If you still think about each other and smile before you remember how screwed up it's gotten or maybe dream of a time less rotten
Remember, it ain't too late to take a deep breath and throw yourself into it with everything you got

It's great to be alive

Gonna be a world of hurt / Gonna be a world of hurt / Gonna be a world of hurt