Date: 2008-02-04, 7:45PM CST
Chicago-based Data Marketing Whores, Ltd. is seeking a mid-level professional to act as a full-time Account Manager/Cubicle Bitch.
We offer:
- Competitive salary (paid on the last business day of every month)
- Benefits, including health, dental, unnecessary stress, life and disability insurance, little to no chance of advancement and Simple IRA plan (with a 3 year vesting "cliff")
- Opportunity to work in a creative, dynamic, and fun environment reminiscent of Nazi Germany, circa 1942
To apply:
Please e-mail resume to email listed above.
Responsibilities:
- Partner with Sales Team to eat their shit on a semi-daily basis
- Ensure that regular contact with client is conducted proficiently & attempt to avoid being yelled at
- Have your authority questioned and undermined whenever your coworkers are stressed out
- Keep uncreative product on strategy, and see to it that marketing objectives are not addressed
- Pretend that creative briefs are properly executed, when in fact they are not
- Responsible for the development and adherence of the brand’s poorly crafted strategic platform
- Recommend improvements to client strategy as needed only to see them ignored and perhaps even mocked
- Work with Pre-menopausal woman who attempt to undermine your credability to foster account’s growth
- Act as a member of Agency’s Management Team by listening to conversations about shoes, who is not doing their job and last night's episode of American Idol
Requirements:
- Bachelors Degree in Advertising, Prostitution, Marketing, or not following your dreams preferred
- Minimum 2-3 years of taking it up the ass
- Not minding your boss sending out political incorrect and/or racially insensitive e-mail forwards
- Strong presentation, blame shifting, and project mis-management skills
- Departmental experience in malfeasance
- Impeccable backstabbing skills
- Ability to close your internet browser window when you hear the sound of your boss' trademark cough/sneeze drawing near
- Clear knowledge and experience of office politics
- Capability to work with no supervision and little training, but a plethora of nit-picking
- Ability to successfully multi-task a dozen balls in the air at once, only to have yet another one thrown at you
- Proven track record of allowing others to take credit for your hard work
- Partner with Sales Team to eat their shit on a semi-daily basis
- Ensure that regular contact with client is conducted proficiently & attempt to avoid being yelled at
- Have your authority questioned and undermined whenever your coworkers are stressed out
- Keep uncreative product on strategy, and see to it that marketing objectives are not addressed
- Pretend that creative briefs are properly executed, when in fact they are not
- Responsible for the development and adherence of the brand’s poorly crafted strategic platform
- Recommend improvements to client strategy as needed only to see them ignored and perhaps even mocked
- Work with Pre-menopausal woman who attempt to undermine your credability to foster account’s growth
- Act as a member of Agency’s Management Team by listening to conversations about shoes, who is not doing their job and last night's episode of American Idol
Requirements:
- Bachelors Degree in Advertising, Prostitution, Marketing, or not following your dreams preferred
- Minimum 2-3 years of taking it up the ass
- Not minding your boss sending out political incorrect and/or racially insensitive e-mail forwards
- Strong presentation, blame shifting, and project mis-management skills
- Departmental experience in malfeasance
- Impeccable backstabbing skills
- Ability to close your internet browser window when you hear the sound of your boss' trademark cough/sneeze drawing near
- Clear knowledge and experience of office politics
- Capability to work with no supervision and little training, but a plethora of nit-picking
- Ability to successfully multi-task a dozen balls in the air at once, only to have yet another one thrown at you
- Proven track record of allowing others to take credit for your hard work
We offer:
- Competitive salary (paid on the last business day of every month)
- Benefits, including health, dental, unnecessary stress, life and disability insurance, little to no chance of advancement and Simple IRA plan (with a 3 year vesting "cliff")
- Opportunity to work in a creative, dynamic, and fun environment reminiscent of Nazi Germany, circa 1942
To apply:
Please e-mail resume to email listed above.
