BLOWING OUT THE COBWEBS

Spring cleaning, Chicago style. 

HERE'S A STORY ABOUT ME *ALMOST* GETTING IN A FIGHT

Although I do NOT consider myself a "tough guy" or a "bad ass" by any means, I do have an inherent predication to protect people I care about. Family, friends, co-workers...little old ladies crossing the street, I got their collective backs. I call this my "Latent Raging Mommy Gene". 

Case in point, a few weeks ago this Russiasn guy comes into to work and starts promptly being inappropriate, in that he was hitting on EVERY woman in the place, in particular the Bartender/My Boss. I was not fucking having it, but since A: I'm still on probation, and B: it's not my job to bounce creepers (anymore). 

Fast forward a week; a friend of mine was visiting from out of town and we decided to take advantage of my generous work discount on food and drinks. Everything was good until...CREEPER comes in. My mood immediately soured. I did not wish to interact with him, but he kept bothering my friend and I, and also, every woman in the bar. Again. 

I'm not a doctor of any sort, but that's some serious pathological behavior, even for a recent immigrant. Regardless, I was NOT having it. The general manager, aka. my boss thankfully intervened...twice, because, seriously, I probably would have gone to jail if I did what I was going to do. Which was to shove his arm behind his shoulders and push him out onto the cold sidewalk. 

Keep in mind, I abhor violence, not a fan, however I have in the past been trained to spot certain problematic individuals, who respond not to words, but to physical action. And this guy could have easily kicked my ass. But I didn't and still don't care. I'll throw myself in front of a fucking train if it means protecting people I care about.    

Said boss later thanked me, but also reiterated they don't want me to interfere in that way. A week later, guess who came back? Creeper. The Bartender he is in love with had to hide in the basement for 2 hours while my other boss attempted to reason with the guy, which was futile at best. And the police (which were called) were of no use. But I kept my distance. 

Hope I don't see him on the street. Because I don't know what I will do if I do. 

AIRPLANES

As you can see, I went to the Air & Water show, an annual event that highlights the Great Inland Sea that is Lake Michigan. I haven't been in years, but due to my temporary unemployment status, I had the time to imbibe in my lust for all things that fly.

Not only was the weather PERFECT, my friend got us access to a balcony, 16 floors up, looking over the "little people" crowded around Lake Shore Drive. It was possibly the most fun I have had holding a camera and keeping my pants on in years. 

There were more impressive displays of military might, but I neglected to bring my long range zoom lens (stupid!) and I was content to simply watch it all with my naked eye, and busted ears. Those jets are crazy loud. And fucking amazing. 

THE "SELLING OUT" OF PRIDE

This prior Sunday was the 4th (or maybe 5th) Chicago Pride Parade I have attended. Honestly, I forgot all about it until less than a week before it was scheduled to occur, and had my place of work not planned to shut down for the Big Day, I would have choose to work.

However, the weather was forecast to be beautiful and one of best girlfriends wanted to go - or rather spend a lovely afternoon in the city with yours truly. Which was great! However, you would think my boyfriend would join us...but...

ME: "What are your plans for Pride?"

HIM: "I'm not going, I'm working."

ME: "Oh, OK, do you have to or want to?"

HIM: "They offered me the day off, but I didn't take it...plus...it's so..."

And here begins the diatribe about why Pride Parades, in particular Chicago's massive one is complete and utter bullshit. Now, before I list his reasons, allow me to say that based upon my prior experiences, he's not completely wrong. There are issues, and I will address them in a moment.

But first, I'll lay down his problems/complaints/thoughts and I'll respond accordingly.

#1: Commercialization - It's certainly rampant and almost insulting how greedy multinational corporations will pander to a demographic to further their bottom line. BUT - Consider that these heartless bastards were willing to provide their employee's, their partner's and even their children with health care and other ancillary benefits before most local/state/federal governing bodies would is nothing short of progressive. If that means I have to see a bunch of Go-Go's boys dancing on the Harris Bank float, so be it. [That being said the MillerCoors float/march/debacle shall forever burn a painful hole in my psyche].

#2: Politics - Just like the corporations that will sponsor a float to make a buck, politicians will also play nice with the LGBT community to garner votes. I know, I know, it's fucking SHOCKING that someone running for office to stoop to such a level. I thought politics were so...PURE. Can we grow the fuck up and learn how to play the game? Politicians used to shun the LGBT community and now they march within it. How is this a problem? YOU HAVE A VOICE! Sure, things like terrorism or economic collapse *might* take precedence, but I still consider this progress. Not perfect, no, but at least we have access.

#3: Tourists - Just like when subcultures emerge from the shadows hey secretly thrived in, to be humped by marketing experts and political consultants, things that used to seem "edgy" or "dangerous" tend to eventually attract the masses. Case in point, 5 years ago 200,000 people were estimated to attend the Parade; this year it was 850,000+. Staggering to be sure. But why? Fuck if I know. I was going to compare how Dr. Dre used to be scary but now hawks Dr. Pepper on prime-time - but I don't know if that analogy works.

HERE'S my half-baked bottom line argument. As the LBGT community is more and more accepted by society as a whole, it loses it edge, it's uniqueness even and perhaps a loss of identity. If we are no longer the OTHER, than who are we? But isn't that the point in fighting for equal rights? FUCK separate but equal. That doesn't mean people need to shed their individuality - FAR from it. It just that who or what you fuck and/or LOVE just isn't all that controversial anymore.

And that to me is a good thing.

PS - After 3 hours of PARADE-going, I got a text from my PARADE-going-Reluctant-Boyfriend:

HIM: "Hey, how's Pride?

ME: "Really, fun, we are having a nice mellow day!"

HIM: "I just got out of work...should I ditch class and meet you both at the Parade?"

ME: "No, it's over...you missed it."

PPS - This was also the first Pride Parade I attended 100% sober.

SUNDAY AFTERNOON RANDOMNESS

Today marks the third Easter Sunday in a row that I worked (but got cut super early) and haven't spent time with my family. Sigh. So I wandered around and took pictures with my iPhone (via the Top Camera App). It's positively lovely outside and as a result, took my time walking from place to place.

That last image is far and away my favorite single image I have snapped in the last 3, or maybe 6 months. And it happened by mistake, as I was waiting to cross the street. My only regret is that I didn't have my real camera on me to capture it. Oh well. Popcorn/movie night with the boyfriend will more than suffice!

WHOA, I HAVE MONDAY NIGHT OFF

Since April I have have worked every fucking (mostly) bullshit Monday night, a shift I inherited from a former co-worker. But tonight I was left off the schedule, and THANK GOD. Instead of making shit for tips, looking after the bartender and not seeing friends, I am a free man!

And..the Sober Guy I'm seeing, T, offered to make me dinner not only for me, but also for his Roommate, and her girlfriend. Pretty. Fucking. Rad. I have no idea what he's making, but it really doesn't matter.

I'm both excited and nervous; as the days go by, it seems more and more like an actual REAL relationship, one that has the potential to change my life for the better (not drinking). Plus, he's fucking HOT. What I did to deserve this person's attention...I don't know.

FALL IN(TO) THE CITY

Montrose (my Digital SLR) and I have resumed our on/off again torrid affair. We had a hot date last night, and although I'm a bit rusty, I like these images, in particular the 4th one. Lots more to come!

MOMENTS IN TIME

Every so often I have a "moment", by which I mean a minute or two where it feels like everything freezes and I marvel at how awesome Something(s) can be. Perfect example: the other day I had the privilege of drinking a La Trappe Isid'or, and without realizing it, after it was set in front of me, I took a sip and said "holy fuck" under my breath. The stranger next to me said "wow, you really must like that beer".

My point is, sometimes I gloss over so much of the great, even awesome things I have access to. And not just chemically related things; again, another day ago I was stuck in my head, earphones on, taking the train to work. The sky suddenly changed, and when I peered out the window...this perfect, achingly beautiful vantage point of the skyline appeared over the trees.

I may not be rich, and my left index finger is swollen from injuring it at work the other night and I'm not getting laid tonight. But it doesn't matter. Life is great. Perhaps that sounds trite, but sometimes I forget just how amazing it is to just...be. Alive that is. There is no boredom, no stress I can't handle, no one I can't in some way relate to. Wounds heal, money comes and go, but life itself, is precious. And I get to live mine in a city like none other. It's fucking sweet!

PS - I am about to join friends at a lesbian-ish karaoke bar, one in which my deceased Grandfather used to frequent (when it was a common 'hood tavern at the time).

"DON"T MAKE ME COME BACK THERE"

Last night I was on the train around 9PM, on mt way home from work when the L stopped cold at the Belmont station. The doors kept opening and closing and then the conductor got on the loud horn "get your hands out of the door or else I'm coming back there".

He ended up fulfilling his promise/threat. I don't know what transpired, and we were stalled for 15 minutes, but it was an entertaining diversion while I was reading Business Week. And listening to Phoenix, and scoping out a few hotties wearing suits.

Sometimes...I just fucking LOVE this city so much.

WORDS THAT SOUND FUNNY IF YOU FROM CHICAGO

There's always been a debate about the authenticity of the "Chicago" accent; much like the often imitated "Southern" twang accent, it's Chicago one has been abused in various films, TV shows and the like. It's not a universal fact that you talk like "Joliet" Jake Blues if you hail from the Windy City, but there are certain words that have a certain cadence. I believe this holds true, even if you are like myself and grew up in the northern suburbs, but lived as an adult in the city proper. Here are a few examples.

1. PANTS [Paaaaan-suh]

"It's really hot today, but I gottah wear paaaaan-suh for work".

2. GARAGE [Guh-ragh]

"I gotta get a place with a guh-ragh for my car".

3. TAMPONS [Tamp-Onz]

"My wife needz me to go two a store for some Tamp-Onz".

4. PAMPHLET [Pam-Flet]

"The udder day, 'dis guy was handing out Pam-Flets".

5. DUMPSTER [Dumb-Stir]

"Throw that shit in the Dumb-Stir".

6. DAVENPORT [Daaaaa-Vin'-Pourt]

"Just got back from fuckin' Daaaaa-Vin' Pourt, Iowa".

7. HORIZON [Whore-I-zon]

"Did you see 'dat show at the Rosemont Whore-I-zon?"

8. AVENUE [Aav-un-you]

"The traffic on Wes-dern Aav-un-you is awful".

9. WORLD [Wuurl-D]

"This wuurl-d is goin' to shit".

10. SAUSAGE [Sauce-Ish]

"Jewel has a sale on Polish Sauce-Ish".

These are merely a few examples I have documented, and I should note that this post was derived from frequent conversations with Ex-Roomie. Mid-sentence, we will stop each other and say "wait, what was that?", this finest example being the word "PANTS" which for some reason never ceases to make me giggle like an 8 y/o girl.

LOOP DA LOOP

Somewhere buried in my DNA is a predilection to buy jeans from H&M; it never works out. Keep in mind, I like my skinny-ish jeans, but whatever reason the crotch is either way too tight or curiously, way too long. Whatever. So I woke up on this beautiful Spring day to return the stupid jeans I bought last week - BUT - that was merely an excuse to be outside and take pictures.

Out of the hundred or so I took, below are a few I like.

OH, and I had a photo shoot with my Roommate, or rather, of her. I'm trying to improve shooting people (you know what I mean) as opposed to inanimate objects. I know I am rusty when it comes to the technical aspect(s) of photography, and I feel like I am starting all over again. It's fun though!

FEMALE MUD WRESTLING!

Tonight I went to see the Mud Queens in action; this is a monthly-ish eveny in which many of my co-workers are involved. It was fun, to say the least. The ref, whose main job was to make sure the girls didn't fall off the stage, is actually my boss. To see him covered in mud was hilarious many times over.

These women were serious as a heart attack too. But after the 1 minute rounds were over, they displayed admirable sportsmanship, and picked one another up. And they threw lots of mud at us spectators - my jacket is coated in whatever special mixture of mud they perfected. I'm glad I wore my crappy pair of Adidas shoes.

One of the female servers I work with won the first round; I was cheering my heart out. Before she went on stage she admitted to me she was in a good mood, and needed someone to piss her off. Being a good HOMO, I made fun of of her shoes and that seemed to do the trick - she WON!

Overall it was a good, and more importantly necessary night out. It's not often that I can "work" a room full of various people I know, all of which are variously connected to the bar I work at. And that's not bragging, but rather a fairly new social circle I guess I now travel within. So...yeah!

BACK ONLINE!

Fucking Christ, Comcast has been jerking me off for the best part of 36 hours, and as a result, I made a concerted effort to make any customer service representative's life HELL. I brought the full fury of a Chicagoan, with little to no reason. Basically I was a horrible asshole, but in my defense, I pay through the nose for my internet and cable TV, and yes, the weather played a part but they lied to me several times. So FUCK them. The following is a sample of the phrases I uttered:

[In an exaggerated Chicago accent]

"There are fucking planes landing at O'Hare and I can't access Hulu?"

"I lost 2 accounts today and about to lose a third thanks to your fucking bullshit".

"Are you seriously brushing me off? Fuck you."

Normally I'm not a total cocksucker, and have empathy for call center employees, after all I used to be one. But they kept screwing with me, so I hit back and kept fucking with them. It's the only way to get shit done with Comcast. And it's nothing personal. And with 20+ inches of snow on the ground, and sub-zero tempt's, I had nothing better to do.

And you know what? I'm going to call them back again, just to be a dick.

WELLINGTON 'L' STOP

MIDWEST "ACTION"

Montrose (The New Camera) and are getting along well!

I GOT YELLED AT BY A MARINE TODAY

Earlier today I embarked upon a specific tradition of mine, one common to those of us that are fucked over by this Midwestern winter weather...and also those that like CARS!

Modesty was in vogue this year, and as such, the "hottest" ride I peeped was none other than the Navistar MRAP! It wasn't the sexiest car on the floor, but easily the most impressive.

If you look closely, there are signs on the side of that beast saying "NO INTERIOR PHOTOGRAPHY" which lead me to believe that I was cool to check out the inside of this thing.

WRONG!

First off, the door weighed at least a ton, literally, if not more. The "funny" involves after DUDE asked me to back off [SIR DO NOT ENTER THIS VEHICLE!!!], which I did...but he tried to do the "slam the phone down" equivalent(with a cell phone-so not satisfying); the difference being, DUDE could barely close the door I was NOT supposed to open!

TIME TO BREAK OUT THE BIG GUNS

This isn't the first time I've referenced my Big Ass Boots on here, although since I'm a lazy bitch I won't bother with backtracking and finding the prior post links. So, it's officially FUCKING WINTER in Chicago all of a sudden. This isn't a surprise, as it's that time of year, but really, when it's in the upper 30's, and falls to 4 degrees the next day, well, it's a bit of a shock.

Those boots are anything but pretty, however I equate them with how women must feel when rocking their best-est pair of high heels. When I strap these on, I'm suddenly 2 inches taller and feel practically invincible. With the combination of the steel toe/heel, I could totally shatter someone's knee caps if I needed to. These aren't merely shoes, they are FUCKING WEAPONS!

Unfortunately, they're about as comfortable as they look. Which is not much. At all. Still, these boys will allow me to traverse the treacherous terrain (alliteration alert!) that is a Chicago Winter. And to add to my winter arsenal, I'm taking a voyage to a work clothes type store on the near west side of the city, to get outfitted with a proper insulated hat, a plethora of wool socks and perhaps some long johns. TODAY.

This certainly isn't my "first rodeo", but this will be my first winter without benefit of a car...it's gonna pretty much blow.

GUY FROM DENVER?

Yesterday Roomie/Hot Doctor guy told me he's moving out at the end of the month. It's been a good run, almost a year. And I'm sure I am capable of locking down another Roomie, but at this point, I'm kinda done scrambling and with the status of my new job up in the air, I am very much considering my friend Gloria's offer to move out west to Denver.

Woke up around 5am and researched how I might get my shit out there, it's literally keeping me from sleeping, again. It could break my heart to leave the city I love so very fucking much, but maybe it's time to try something new. Nothing is holding me down here, besides my AWESOME friends, and that alone gives me reason to pause.

I love my place, my 'hood and such, but I've been here for almost 5 years, and I feel like I'm not growing, in fact, I feel like I'm stagnating. And I can always come back; also it seems like my brother and his soon-to-be-wife will end up in Denver as well in the next year or so.

Short of something MAJOR happening (like winning the lottery) I really think it's time to move on and try something new. Chicago has been kicking my ass and the overall atmosphere seems almost hostile. Plus, moving to Denver would be a mostly soft landing; I got a place to stay and a job waiting for me, amongst other opportunities.

Still...it's...I've lived here all my life (with the exception of a brief interlude in LA) and this IS MY HOME. There's a reason I have the Chicago flag tattooed on my left arm. It feels like home, although lately not so much. UGH, I just don't know if I suck at life or if life just sucks right now.

THE LAST 24 HOURS...

...were unique for a wide variety of reason. I'll attempt to approximate all the crazy shit that just went down!

First and most importantly I GOT A FUCKING JOB! [Cue balloon drop] HOLY SHIT! I was nervous when I went in to the bar to take this "beer quiz". Example question: "Can you explain what makes a Trappist ale? Also, can you name the 7 Trappists?" Like - you're fucking joking right? My understanding of being a Bar Back is being able to clear tables, stock beer, wash glasses and take out the trash. Pretty simple, and shouldn't require a doctorate in snobbery.

Although it is at a new, gleaming bar next to a college on the North Side. When I was told "hey Justin, we would really like you to work at our new bar" I practically pissed myself. This news was delivered to me via cell phone, while I was smoking outside a Chuck-E-Cheese in fucking Gurnee, IL.

Why in the hell was I in a place built for 5 year old boys? Good question. My ol' friend Gloria was visiting her sister, who just had a baby (cutest kid ever!) and we were tasked with keeping the older, 5 year old son busy. DUDE - I'm not lying, this kid handed my ass to me playing Skee-Ball, Mario Cart and some game that involves a faux sub machine gun used to blow up Spiders.

Also, I deputized Gloria as a "Cheerleader Champion", according to the photo booth we pumped way too many tokens into. Note to self: DON'T EVER GO BACK THERE WHILE STONED. Also, buy hand sanitizer - that place is a fucking petri dish for developing new strains of swine flu.

So that guy I've been seeing/fucking? PART-TIME TRANNY! Ugh, seriously, how this has never come up in the past is beyond my comprehension. And he performs. That's right. [SLAPS FOREHEAD] Can you spell D-E-A-L-B-R-E-A-K-E-R? Nothing personal against Tranny's, I think they're fun and awesome and everyone should feel free to pursue whatever the fuck it is that makes them happy. But I don't have to date one. And I won't. Back to the drawing board!

Speaking of finding myself in weird, fucked up places, this morning I was in Zion, IL, a town founded by prohibitionists who in addition to being awesome at sucking at life, also decided to name each of their streets after Biblical figures. Ezekiel Avenue anyone? How about Abel Lane?

And to make the town even more horrible, they decided to erect Northern Illionis' sole Nuclear Power Plant. And get this: it's decommissioned! Tons of radioactive material is stored within a stone's throw from one of the WORLD'S GREATEST SOURCE OF FRESH WATER! This place has disaster written all over it. Dresden, Germany circa 1943 was a more "fun" place to be.

If it's not already obvious, I'm fucking ELATED to be home, back in Chicago. Literally as the train approached the city, the sky cleared up and walking home I passed by a guy in full Scottish kilt dress/regalia playing a bagpipe. I'm never leaving the city ever again.

KICK, PUSH

I almost forgot, but was reminded of how much I fucking like this song.



I'd write more, but I'm about to prepare to work a door tonight, on Halloween-Fucking-Ween! UGH.