MY "REAL" HALLOWEEN COSTUME

One thing I seem to have forgot to mention in my prior post, was the answer I gave when asked (subconsciously) was what my Halloween costume was. After a moment's thought...it appeared in my mind...A Disinterested Doorman in a Trendy Neighborhood. SCARY! Actually, what was scary is that I busted out a H&M stripped shirt (orange & black - Freddy style) from last season! EEEK!

OK, so I'm just fucking around about that being scary. What was a bit on the SCARY side was the conversation that followed the day after, on Sunday. While on the phone with my Father, he asked: "have you had a flu shot yet"? To which I replied: "...uh, fuck no...never had one...why would I?" Honestly, I never even considered it.

Fast forward a few hours post the awful Bear's game (UGH) and I was in bed around 10PM. That's always a bad sign when I'm asleep at that early of an hour. The next morning, my eyes flutter open 'round about 8AM...and...HOLY FUCKING SHIT! I jumped out of bed, sprinted to the bathroom and promptly did my best impersonation of the girl from "The Exorcist":

Assuming you'd rather not read about the contents of my stomach that almost went into the toilet/sink/waste basket/floor, let's just say it wasn't pretty, and I only today finished cleaning up the mess. Sweet Jesus. I spent the next 48+ hours writhing in bed, sweating, shivering, aching, bitching and sipping on water. It was quite a roller coaster ride. And I'm grateful no one besides myself had to visually experience it.

OH - and I'm MUCH better now! Thanks, Dad!

A FIRE SALE OF FUN

Right before I sat down to write this, the above title magically popped into my head. Which is notable because, it's a more than apt definition of the 2 Night Party to Wrap My 20's, and also because I'm surprised I can even string a sentence together after all the brain cells I carelessly expended through a combination of various controlled substances, copious amounts of booze and beer. Oh, and my ears have returned to normal, so there's always that!

First, let's begin with the venue. The entire structure is temporary; the stage, seating, concessions and the even the bathrooms look like they can all be removed in a matter of hours. Or if tornado came through, it would probably deposit the whole fucking place right into Lake Michigan. But the view! Holy Shit it was AWESOME! Here's a crappy cell phone picture taken from the very last row:

Although my buddy that bought the tickets paid more for floor seats (good ones too, near the stage) we/I opted to spend the majority of both nights way the hell in the back (I think he may have been a little pissed about that) but the view was so much better. See the crappy cell phone picture below for proof.

It also sounded better in the back, not too mention there actually more than 5" of space in which to boogie. AND - we had a big group of us all together. Friends old and new, we owned a decent piece of real estate and no one fucked with us (you could also smoke with abandon up there), which was a good thing because...

...both nights I tripped my nuts off. Oh mushrooms, how I love thee. Yes, they taste like shit, because, you know, THEY ARE GROWN IN SHIT. However, dear, sweet Gloria somehow got her hands on Mushroom Chocolates, which masked the shit taste rather well. Thankfully, she stopped me right as I was going to put a way-too-big-piece in my mouth, and she suggested I break it in half. Had I eaten the whole thing, I would probably be in a psych ward.

I guess now is as good as time as any to thank Gloria, not just for the 'Shrooms, but also for the enormous hickey she implemented on my neck. She gave me a mild one on Tuesday, which was sore the next day, but didn't leave a mark.

When I informed her of this on Wednesday night, she was determined to correct that oversight. I should kept my mouth shut. See, she's bigger than me, probably stronger too, and when she wrapped her arms around me and bite into my neck, I couldn't let go. Maybe it's because I struggled a bit, or maybe she's part vampire, but this second hickey BROKE THE SKIN prompting me to bleed on the collar of my mostly white shirt. Thanks babe!

Now let's move onto the GIRL THAT WANTED MY NUTS. Cate is a friend of Gloria. When I arrived on Wednesday, Cate practically jumped into my arms and landed a big wet one, right on the kisser. Mind you, we have never met before this evening. As the night wore on, she kept it up, and at one point said "you're so pretty!" Now, I've been called a lot of things, but never that, so I'm going to chalk it up to the drugs in her system. Don't get me wrong, she was totally adorable and sweet; generous too.

At one point, ate shoves her empty hand in my face and says "take this". Take what? I look closer and she that the first knuckle of her index finger is caked in white powder. "It's good Molly [MDMA]!" So I did as instructed and...yeah...sucked on her finger, thus delivering another substance into my bloodstream. Whew-boy!

Oh, and I have a standing invitation to visit her and her friends in Alabama for more Widespread Panic concerts next month. A weekend in a beach house on the Gulf coast seems super dope and all, but I won't be going. Either she didn't understand me telling her I'm into dudes, or she didn't care. Either way...Cate rawks! As do the other 10 or so people I met and partied with. Gotta love those hippie's!

The music was most excellent as well. The Allman Brothers, while consummate musicians, didn't really light a fire under my ass, at least not like Widespread Panic still can. At some during Panic's set on Tuesday night, I was peaking from the 'Shrooms and it felt like the band was INSIDE my fucking head. I was also told at one point to "let JB (their lead singer) handle the vocal duties". Good. Damn. RAWK.

So - now that I have mostly recovered, and shed the official age of 29 - it's time to ring in YEAR 3-0 with my buddies tonight! Hope you all have a fun, rawkin' and safe Labor Day weekend! Cheers.

HOT MESS OF THE NIGHT

On my home from work tonight I thought, "hey Justin, it might be amusing to start a new series in which I describe the HOTTEST MESS that I encountered while working as as Doorman on Friday Nights. So, without further ado...

Let's call her Pleather Face. That might seem cold, but since she was wearing a shiny, pink, Pleather Mini-Skirt, which incidentally resembled her face, the comparison seems apt. Although the picture below does not accurately reflect the tone/texture/fierceness of her get-up, the overall vibe (in particular the look on this person's face) is close enough to this person's overall "vibe". 

Needless to say, she was drunk; while attempting to apply lip gloss and walking (in her 18" heels) she nearly stabbed herself in the eye. HOT MESS. She and her companion, a rumbled looking middle-aged guy whose demeanor allowed me to consider if Pleather Face was an escort of some sort. Oh, and together they both reminded me of a drunk version of the "2 A-Holes" fron SNL. 

  

After I locked the door and burned a few pancakes with the cocktail waitress (such an awesome perk in this day and age - indoor smoking!) she told me how Pleather Face and her Boo were "religiously" grinding on one another, sucked down 3 drinks each in the space of 40 minutes, then failed to sign the credit card receipt when they left. AWESOME.