Monday, July 9, 2007


Many people seem to think that Chicago winters are brutal, and though they can be, I've developed a tolerance of sorts to sub-zero wind chills temperatures, freezing rain and blowing snow. What I have yet to gain is tolerance to the extreme opposite - temperatures in the mid-to-upper 90's coupled with humidity over 50%. And no one should. Since I don't have A/C in my place (the construction of my apartment predates the existence of such an invention) I have 2 choices when it's bat-shit insane hot outside: I can go to a movie/sit in a chilly bar or I can hit the beach and go swimming. Normally I choose the former but on Saturday I choose the latter.

While applying sun block I had a thought - couldn't someone in my ancestry have fucked an Italian or a Spaniard? It that too much to ask? Apparently, it is because my bloodline is almost exclusively German/Swiss and Luxembourgian (damn - maybe I should have been a banker) and therefore my tolerance to both heat and getting sunburned is exceedingly low. [When I was in Mexico last year I used 75 SPF - a product that should come packaged with a paint roller - it works well though).

Sitting in my boardies I got 2 calls within the space of 10 minutes. One friend suggested I hit up the "Gay Beach" (yes - we have one here, and if you ever have the inclination to check it out it's called Hollywood Beach) and another friend asked if I wanted to join him and his friends at said "Gay Beach". Since my friend MarK (who is not gay) was already on his way to pick me up to take us to a "Not-So-Gay Beach" I had to decline (next time D).

We parked and while walking through the park a beautiful woman and an even more beautiful man carrying an enormous cooler asked us "which way is the beach?". Um, see that big fucking body of water to the east? You know, one of largest bodies of fresh water in the world? It's called Lake Michigan! Smart ass that MarK is he pointed to the block of condo buildings to the West and chatted with the hot girl while I tried not to drool over the shirtless, statuesque man covered in tattoos (definite jerk-off fodder).

Once we got to the beach I saw the following sight: a group of 8 or 10 presumably gay men playing "Ultimate Frisbee" wearing nothing but matching white Calvin Klein briefs (unless I missed a memo, straight guys don't do that). They were playing against a team of women who might or might not have been lesbians. Dunno. What I do know is that I was once again forced to try not to drool. I mostly exceeded but only because said straight friend was less than interested in being a spectator and we moved on.

Approaching the shoreline I noticed a funny thing, no one was in the water. I noticed the Red Flag at the lifeguard stand and muttered "FUCK" a few times. A red flag means do not go in the water unless e coli is your thing. Since swimming in water filled with shit is not my thing we complied with the lifeguards admonishment not to go swimming. Instead, we walked around as I checked out hot guys and my friend checked out hot ladies.

This was nice but since it was hot as hell and we both wanted to get our swim on. After much debate and a Slurpee, MarK proposed hitting up a local city pool. Since we Catholic Boys will try (almost) anything I agreed and we discovered two things - city pools are free to use and there is one around the corner from my place. Really, how exactly did I not know about this before? I blame it all on my misspent and recreational drug fueled youth.

Jumping in the water after 4 hours of bullshitting around felt like getting a blow job for the first time, by which I mean it was awesome but also slightly unsettling. Why? The culprit was chlorine. Lots of it. I peered at the shallow end of the pool and noted the irony of not being allowed to swim in shit but being allowed to swim in piss. After cooling off for a bit I got out of the pool (looking sexy as hell mind you - haha). Rather than laying on a bath towel (not one of yours Roomie!) laid upon top of a slab of union concrete, we split and I retired to my bat-shit insane hot apartment and took a very, very cold shower.

Summer in the City...


Dee said...

Well you really missed a lot of fun at the "Gay Beach" Justin. We did not have a red flag and the water was full of hot body guys (I'll e-mail you some of the pics I took). I'm sure we will be heading out there this weekend as well. I'm still working on getting my even tan.

The [Cherry] Ride said...

I too don't mind the winters here, but hate, hate, hate the hot summers.

Also, I mis-read your line "I peered at the shallow end of the pool" as "I peed" and was about to bitch slap you through my internet connection.

Hamilton said...

that sounds tough.

man buddy i am so stressed over my recruiting lately i just blew an interview i think. god... cries.

at least u are sitting in your pretty office and enjoying the summer!