Wednesday, April 21, 2010


I'll preface this post my reminding both you, dear reader, and myself that I'm operating on a 4th grade level when it comes to dating. When I come across someone I's fucking ON. Text messages become more sincere yet careful not to be obsessive. With age I'm become more patient.

Having said that, that weird date I had weeks ago, I gave that another shot, 3 to be exact, which concluded this morning in a stupid he/said/he/said "YOU LEAD ME ON" type thing. And I'm not one to assign blame, but in this case I believe it's due.

When someone strings you along for a 2 weeks with promises of "Oh, I'll hit you up next week" but never does, and when I take the next step to remind said person of such statements, only to be called out...for no reason? I'm sorry, but that's MOTHERFUCKIN' BS!

Maybe I really don't deserve better, and maybe I'm fucking retarded, but in this particular case, I feel no qualms about telling this guy to go to hell (I'll be there anyways), but this guy lead me on for almost a month! And apparently me calling him out on it makes ME an asshole?

I'm sorry...but that is a particular kind of OH NO YOU DIDN'T. I just get pissed off when someone presents themselves in such a way...that defies the typical crap usually dealt with/expected in the Gay Scene...and then adheres to such a stereotype.

Maybe I shouldn't be surprised or pissed off at 4AM, but I am . And I fucking deserve MUCH BETTER, whether anyone agrees or not [FUCK OFF if you disagree, but make your case in the comments anyways]. :)?


drew said...

I agree with you... just because you called him on it doesn't make you wrong..

JUSTIN said...

Thank you...I don't need to pursue anyone that makes me feel bad about my self, right?

Anonymous said...

Glad you moved on. You effing do deserve better and you are not retarded. You are "right". Weird date did lead you on. But there is no virtue in being right.

You're one man closer to Mr. Awesome.

Dean Grey said...


Sorry to hear about this. Where did you originally meet him? That alone might have given you a clue.

You're right. No one should make promises to meet then bail without some type of apology or warning. It's just rude, especially if it keeps happening.

The good news is it's better to find out that he will mistreat you NOW then after you two became serious.


Anonymous said...

Your sycophant commenters are hopelessly misguided.

With all due respect to the water that they think you walk on, do you honestly expect somebody that you've known for a couple of weeks to drop everything for you and make you their priority?

Of course your prey is going to be aloof, of course he is going to be mysteriously unavailable. Does that mean that he has no interest in you? Ummm, no. It means he has a life! Would you prefer the opposite? The type that will stalk you endlessly and not give you room to breathe? If you latch onto somebody and don't let them be their own person, of course they are going to let you down.

I think it would be quite stimulating to know you in private life. But I also think that you would shoot out my porch light with a 22 rifle if I didn't reply to a text message within some arbitrarily defined amount of time.

Would it be so bad to watch a movie on a sofa, drink a box of wine, rub toes in sock feet, but not fuck? Maybe flirt a little at the door on your way home at 12:45 on a weeknight, and leave something to the future? Learning people is the fun part. Don't ignore that.

Dean Grey said...

Hey anonymous!

Who you calling a sycophant! LOL

True, one does need room to breathe. No one wants to be smothered by someone they just met.

But in this situation I think it's more about common courtesy than anything else.

I know Justin well enough to know he wasn't latching onto to anyone but more pissed after being blown off several times with no real explanation.

First impressions are key! There's a fine line between being "aloof" and downright rude!


Anonymous said...

All valid points Dean, and I'm surprised Justin actually approved my comment. Allow me to revise and extend my remarks by playing back the tape for analysis;

1) Applying any sort of cosmetic to a gay male, not one's boyfriend. FAIL. He must have had something going on, like a really big cock, to get away with that kind of nonsense.

2) Insisting that a pet sleep in the bed with a trick. Umm, bad form all the way around. The red flag here is that in the future the guy is going to pick FiFi over you every time.

3) Spilling something. Shit happens. Imagine if Justin would have left the toilet seat up.

4) Poor Justin had to go home to remove his contacts? Anyone worth their salt would have saline for contact lens-wearing tricks. (spoons or shot glasses work well for a temporary soaking place) Frequent international travelers will often even have a complimentary single-use toothbrush for their guest.

5) "The cab ride home was the best $13 I may have ever spent." Apparently not, because the guy got a couple more dates after that.

Lots of red flags, but our hero pressed on with the weirdo. While Justin's paramour may lack common sense and social moxie, I'll have to stick with my original assertion that too much was expected from somebody that is just getting to know our favorite blogger. Courting is a complicated ritual. There are no shortcuts, and not giving somebody the space to be who they are will sink the deal.

Since you apparently know Justin well, please share some tips for asking him out on a date. I think he would be an intellectually stimulating dance partner.

JUSTIN said...

For what it's worth, I realize I'm dating at a 3rd grade level.

Dean Grey said...

Oh anonymous, then the answer is painfully clear.

Justin needs to date a complete slob, with no pets, who just happens to wear contacts.

Problem solved!


Anonymous said...

Well, that's a start Dean. I would also include on that list a "guy's guy". That is, no femmes or drag queens. (whatever happened to Pablo, anyway?)

If Justin was really at a 3rd grade level (note that he demoted himself from his original 4th Grade status) he would let these guys know that he's into them by punching them in the arm. Instead, he does the adult equivalent -- keeping score of meaningless things like how long it took somebody to reply, inaccurately using that metric to gauge their interest in him. I'm not surprised the guy told him to back off.

Just play it cool, and don't come off as needy or imposing. Get to know the guy, and let him get to know you. It's ok to see each other once every 2 weeks.

Since gay men are always horny, it's easy to base a "relationship" around sex, but at the end of the day, that's really all there is to it. You might realize that no matter how hot the sex is, that you just can't see yourself with the guy. That's ok. No hard feelings. Next.

There is nothing worse than a guy that comes out of the woodwork and makes somebody feel smothered.

What's the easiest way to avoid coming off this way? Don't put out until at least the fourth date.

Dean Grey said...


I agree with you about not putting out right away.

I prefer to get to know a person FIRST before even considering anything sexual. That alone is a rarity in the gay community.

Justin will have to speak for himself regarding what he's looking for.

Again, it's not about smothering a person but rather having some common courtesy.

Something like, "Hey Justin, sorry for not being able to make it last" would've been a much better approach then simply not apologizing at all, right?

I think Justin is more upset at how he was being treated instead of simply being "ignored".