Tuesday, August 5, 2008


This video has probably been circulating forever, but somehow I never saw "Saved By The Bell: Brokeback Style". It's rather amusing:

It also got me thinking about the first guy I ever fooled around with. From grades 5-9 I had the same best friend, let's call him Steve. In a lot of ways I was lucky to have the same best friend while entering adolescence. Since my brother was a few yeats older than me (and generally uninterested in me at the time) there was really only person I would feel comfortable talking about "girls" with (i.e. sex).

Steve was I guess what you could call an early bloomer, whereas I was the exact opposite. Plus, he had an older brother and a father with raging libidos and huge stashes of porn, both of which Steve and I would delve into from time to time.

When you get 2 horny teenagers, a collection of porn and an empty house, certain things are bound to happen. Things like jerking off with your best friend, or in some cases, jerking your best friend off. Many, many times after school.

Some sort of a turning point came on a random Friday Night. His parents were out to dinner, and his siblings were not home. We were watching, appropriately enough, "Saved By the Bell: Hawaiian Style" (totally and unfairly shut out of the Emmy's in 1992). I always fancied myself more of a A.C. Slayter type of guy, more into the jock thing (still am, duh).

Well, Steve didn't look like A.C. Slayter, but in some ways he WAS A.C. Slayter. Total jock, cocky, worked out all the time whereas I was still playing with Legos and drawing pictures of cars. Sex was always on his brain, and as I developed more into a young buck, his mindset for sure affected me.

Steve had a pool in his backyard and during the summer we would spend endless hours in it, or near it sunbathing. I still remember checking him out when he got out of the water, his suit stuck to his junk. Oh, and he had an 8 pack, which few guys that age (to my knowledge have or had). To be blunt about it, he was HAWT.

But I always kept these thoughts to myself since at the time I still considered myself into girls. Well, that one night, fueled on booze stolen from his parent's liquor cabinet (yeah - I started drinking at a young age) we started to "mess around". I won't go into specifics, and it wasn't the first time, but it was the first time we openly fooled around rather than pretending it was some sort of a mistake.

This continued for a few years until his family moved out west midway through our freshman year of high school. Furthering my devastation, the summer prior to our freshman year, we decided to take his Mom's Lexus for a spin and promptly crashed it going 65MPH on a viscous curve, in a residential neighborhood no less. We were kinda bad asses.

Unfortunately, his parents grounded him for the next 6 months, and I only got to see Steve once before he moved away. Needless to say, that FUCKING SUCKED ASS. My best friend, and I guess my first lover, gone, 2000 miles away during one of the most traumatic periods of my life. I went from a tiny Catholic school, to a HUGE public school. I felt lost...and really horny but even lonelier.

Eventually, I made new friends one of which I am still friends with to this day (Gloria - you'll always be my bitch), and although I saw Steve a few times after he moved, things were never the same, and in some ways I think he almost felt ashamed of our friendship.

Steve called me last year when I was going out on a date with the semi-infamous Tom, and I didn't answer the phone. Last I heard he got some random girl/one night stand preggers and he was suing the crazy bitch for custody. He also got hard core back in being a practicing Catholic. Also, he has changed his number...I wonder if I'll ever see him again.

Fuck me...this started out funny and ended sad. I need a drink.


Daniel said...

I don't talk to the guy I fooled around with for the first time. We both have taken different paths. He is married and still lives in my hometown. I have moved away and left most of my hometown behind. I still consider him a friend, but I don't ever see him or talk to him. Life leads you down different paths for a reason I guess.

devyn said...

My teenage bitch was Greg... Started at 12,lasted to 16. We kept it to ourselves the whole time. He loved it when I played with his ass. He is since twice divorced, three kids... Me?... Still playing with ass.

Anonymous said...

Maybe you should find Steve and see if there is still a friendship after all these years. Sometimes straight guys like gay friends because they can express their emotions without fear of ridicule. Sounds like Steve might be able to use such a friend.

Silly Billy said...

Seriously, I was getting a chub in the beginning of this story and you ruined it! Grrrr.....

J said...

thanks for this peek into your early life. it reminds me of my first "love"

Anonymous said...

Holy. Fuck. My jaw *actually* dropped when I read this. You guys were not hiding from the cops in those bushes, were you? WERE YOU!?? OMG.... Anyway. So, after I see you this coming week, I would like there to be a new entry under "Staggering Display of Debauchery". Think we can handle that? Oh, and you're MY bitch. Bi-yatch!

JUSTIN said...

Oh, it's gonna be ON bitch! We're talking hot mess that'll make you ask for more...