Monday, June 2, 2008


It's always a surprise when a guy that I had a crush on in high school randomly shows up at place, (Don't even get me started about this smokin' hot Polish guy from the South Side that told me he was training to become a Chicago Fire Fighter) and yesterday was no different.

I've written about Poker Night with Nick before and how he got really touchy-feely/drunk and how it kinda freaked me out.

Well, yesterday my buddy brings Nick over. I'm hanging with a group of Post-Cubs-Game-Friends (i.e. drunk) and he just appears standing in my kitchen, ray of bright sunlight illuminating his blue eyes. And no, I do not write gay fiction although for a second, it felt like I was living out one of those cheesy fantasies. Holy Shit! Nick is Here! Fuck is he Hot!

After snapping back to reality he asked me to make him a Jack n' Coke and I happily obliged. Within 5 minutes he made some random illusion to me being gay. Not in a negative way, mind you, but along the lines of "I guess the stereotype is true, all gay guys really ARE clean freaks" (for the record my place was really not that clean - my Post-Cubs-Game-Friends made sure of that).

After kicking out Post-Cubs-Game-Friends, the 3 of us remaining (Nick included, obviously) set out for the street festival taking place in my 'hood. The Name of This Game is about drinking beer, and lots of it. I still had my awesome plastic beer stein from last year and paid $8 to fill it up. My buddy takes off for the bathroom and Nick and I are standing amongst the crowd of people when he says:

NICK: "...DAMN that bitch is hot! I'd hit that!"
ME: "Totally, if I was straight I'd tap 'dat ass [laughing manically on the inside]."
NICK: "Dude, you're so NOT gay."
ME: "Ugh, pretty sure I am, I mean, I like making out with dudes, giving them head and fucking dudes...I think that qualifies me as being gay."
NICK: "OK - I want you to pick out a hot girl and a guy you think is hot."
ME: "Word - aight, she that burnette with big tits, an ass thats smiling at you and wearing annoying platform sandals?"
NICK: "Agreed - that bitch is hot!"
ME: [searching nervously for a hot guy] " don't see any hot guys..."
NICK: "HA! See - totally not gay. See that guy (gestures to a fugly guy wearing all black)? I think he's sorta hot."
ME: "The Fuck? You have awful taste in men."
NICK: "And you have suspiciously good taste in women."
ME: "Just because I'm gay doesn't mean that I'm blind."
NICK: "Prove it."
ME: "Prove that I'm not fucking blind?"
NICK: "No, prove that you're gay."
ME: "Look, I'm not making out with some random guy to prove to you that I'm gay."
NICK: "...'cuz you're straight..."
ME: "OK - [leans in to Nick's face] ..."
ME: "Would sucking your dick make you believe me?"
NICK: [seems to actually think about it for a moment] "No, I don't think my girlfriend would like that."
ME: [lowers right eyebrow] "She never has to know..."

And with that we clink our plastic beer steins together and in front of many dozen unsuspecting people, I get on my knees and open his zipper with my teeth and bring Nick to the brink of O-Town before stopping and giving him the worst set of blue-balls ever.

OK - obviously that last sentence is my dirty mind turning it's gears, but that's what I wish actually happened. Oh well.

I really do, however, think that he some sort of latent bi-sexuality that he wants to explore. And you know what? I'd be more than willing to accommodate him because even 10 years later, I would still totally and utterly TAP 'DAT ASS!


The New Me said...

Someone is definitely feeling better.

FitnessNerd said...

For a second, I thought you were at Folsom Street Fair in SF....not Chicago ;)

Glad you're feeling better!

I'd like to think if I were ever hit by a car (and considering I've ridden by bike is bound to happen), I would bounce back to drinking just as quickly!

Chicago's Bi Guy said...

Damn.. I guess I should have joined you guys for watching the Cubs game.. sounds like you had a great time.. Oh and O-Town is a former "boy band" so I guess you really ARE gay.. LOL

Jay said...

Sounds hot. Going all the way next time?


Silly Billy said...

Wait, a plastic beer stein? Cool.

The [Cherry] Ride said...

Yeah, I agree that Nick might have some issues.

Glad you are feeling better.

Jeff said...

hey man, some friends and i were in chicago this weekend (see my post). stayed in lincoln park and saw the street festival in lakeview but didn't attend. i know i was going to get in touch, but there was too much goin on that weekend. anyhow, glad you had a good time! man, your story's pretty hot!

Soul Seared Dreamer said...

I think I'm needing lessons from you in being flirty now.. that was masterclass.

I'm in awe. Bravo.

dit said...

Very cool conversation. Hope you two can work something out. Why not?

Anonymous said...

lol. nice post.

Pete said...

Interesting. A friend of mine likes to go to gay bars to "boost his ego". Yeah right.