Thursday, August 15, 2013


I carry my backpack everywhere; since my primary modes of transportation are the bus, my bike or simply my feet I need a place to store shit - especially since I loathe having shit in pockets. But I also am waging a one man war against plastic bags. Rather than but a sixer of beer in something that would be used once and last FOREVER, I kindly inform the clerk that "no thanks, I've got my bag". 

This is a round about way of how I started thinking about the things we program ourselves to do. Case in point, tonight I picked up a 6 of my beloved PBR (hate away, it's my jam!) from the local 7-11, the clerk, whom I have bought things from hundreds of times, and knows I don't use plastic bags (yet asks anyways) ringed me up and reached for a plastic bag, not once but three times merely out of habit. 

We laughed and he apologized. But then he mentioned how even when isn't wearing his glasses, he will try to adjust them. That lead to a conversation about how my glasses are always sliding down my face, and I unintentionally use my middle finger to push them up, accidentally people to fuck themselves. More than once I have apologized to complete strangers for this minor transgression, lest I get beat, or worse. 

This lead to a transition about contact lenses; when I used to wear those fucking awful things, they would always dry my eyes out or worse, slip off my retinas, which would cause me to do this winking thing. Years went by until someone asked me why I was constantly winking at people - as if it was "funny" part of my physical repertoire. It certainly was not. 

Then on the walk home tonight I was thinking of the other weird ticks or habits I have. Like, when I'm in a crowd or on a packed train/bus, I constantly check to see if my wallet is still there. Do people think I am constantly grabbing my ass - or worse, like it's some sort of "signal" that I want to touch someone else's ass? That would be both amusing and terrible. 

Here are a few others:

-I'll piss in my bathroom at home without the light on, and when I'm finished, I'll attempt to turn off the light switch. 
-Since I usually drink beer out of cans, and you can tell which one is mine because the tab in the vertical position. 
-Even if my hands are free at work I always open the swinging door to/from the kitchen with my foot in one fluid kick and hold it open for people behind me with my heel. 
-Although I am right handed, I only hold my phone with my left hand; and (T.M..I alert!) jerk off with "the stranger".
-When I am wearing a baseball cap, I have a habit of pulling said cap up high, then low and then settle it somewhere in the middle. 

There must certainly be dozens if not hundreds of other ticks/habits/procedures I am not aware of. Perhaps I have a slight touch of obsessive compulsion, but I'll chalk it up to being a creature of habit. But it's not unintentional. I tend to carefully consider an action, and once it satisfies the area in my brain, that qualifies the result, I tend to stick to it. Maybe that's why I am good at repetitive tasks.  

1 comment:

Mind Of Mine said...

I totally feel you on the checking the wallet every 2 seconds when on public transport. Its not OCD, its just plain smart.

I tend to use both the familiar and the stranger, when 'ahem' tending to myself. Mix it up every now and then.