Friday, February 17, 2012

MY TOLERANCE HAS VANISHED

For the booze, that is. I used to drink like a fucking champion. One time, in band camp...wait, no. But one time I drank a half of whiskey within an hour. John Belushi style. Didn't even bother with a shot glass.

I've gone through periods of soberness, but nothing like now. And although it's because of my totally sober boyfriend, I'm not trying to get better for me, but for me. That being said, when I do drink, I drink like a fish starving for water. Like I used to.

Funny thing is though, I can't hang like I used to. Either it's the slow ageing process, or "maturity", or the legal system (I'm literally not allowed to legally drink) when I do...I'm a FUCKING PUSSY. And coming from a long, long line of heavy drinkers, this is not easy to admit, let alone accept.

Working in a bar hasn't helped, nor has the court ordered outpatient therapy (that I'm still paying off), but the few AA meetings has, actually, brought me some peace of mind. I refuse to believe that I will never have another drink, because I'm sure I will. I just wonder if there is a "right" way to do so.

Probably not.

4 comments:

drew said...

Justin,
You tolerance for alcohol has decreased since you are not drinking as much. Takes less to get you that buzz.

Anonymous said...

sorry alcoholism is a disease WITHOUT a cure...

Anonymous said...

God knows you dropped your pussy out of your pants leg on Halloween. ;-) Maybe a good thing? Love you!

JUSTIN said...

@Drew: Yes - indeed, and I think it is a good thing.

@Anonymous: WOW - SHOCKING! After all the AA meetings and outpatient therapy I have taken part in...you, YOU got me THINKING. Fuck You. Really.