Tuesday, February 1, 2011

IF YOU ARE FLYING OVER "FLYOVER COUNTRY" ANYTIME SOON YOU ARE FUCKED

The last time a snowstorm of epic proportions was predicted, it was Winter 1999, and I was sharing an apartment in Lakeview with my brother. It was both my first year living as a resident in Chicago proper and a college freshman. I openly scoffed at the weather reports, and despite the knee high snow I trudged through in a failed attempt to extricate my Volkswagen, the CTA delivered me on time to class (a fucking theater class no less).

My efforts were all for naught (class was canceled) but I learned an important lesson: don't doubt the surreal nature of Chicago meteorology. That damn storm still ranks as #2, in terms of accumulation, 19+ inches to be more or less exact. It took weeks for the "City That Works" to get back to normal after that. [Side note - I got a 'get out of jail free card' for showing up to class, and I abused the shit out of it once Spring bothered to show up].

Anyways...I'm up at 4AM for 2 reasons; I really fucking enjoy how quiet the city gets when impending DOOM descends, and well, it's just desperately pretty how the landscape changes with even a light dusting of powdery snow. Did I mention I like Winter? I do...except when it's a bitch and I'm waiting for a Western Avenue bus with wind gusts defeating my many layers. It's a hell of a lot better than the humid Summer months common to metropolis' built upon swamps.

Oh right, so, in reference to the title of this post, if you're flying on United, American or Southwest tomorrow, the day after or the day after that, pack a lunch, a book and The Patience of a Saint, because your flights have already been canceled. You. Are. Fucked. This STORM, and by extension, this city has you by the BALLS. Or not. My preferred weatherman, local ABC 7's Jerry Taft is usually fucking hammered and/or easily distracted.

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Safe travels all. This includes myself, as my work shift begins/coincides almost exactly with when the Shit is supposed to hit the fan. If the bar doesn't close early...I don't even want to think about it. Let's just say I might really put my Timberland's through their paces. Or maybe I'll have a much vaunted snow day! How fucking GRAND would that be? I'm not crossing any fingers however.

8 comments:

Dane said...

Snowed a ton here in OKC...Good Luck in Chicago.

jason said...

If it's cold down here, I can only imagine what it's like up there.
Keep warm! Stay safe.

Anonymous said...

It's started, Justin! This is my first BIG Chi storm and it's utterly ridiculous/fascinating. The wind is crazy right now so please be safe, go back home and lock yourself up for the next 36 hours!

x's and o's,

A-Gay in Chi

Dean Grey said...

Snow day!

My God, the weather reports were accurate for once!

Walking around the downtown area this evening was CRAZY! At times I thought I was going to get knocked down by the unyielding wind or surely have some debris fall on me.

But I got home safe like all good Chicagoans do!

Bring it on, I say. We did it before, we can do it again!

-Dean

Dean Grey said...

P.S.: Wasn't there a time when Jerry Taft accidently belched while giving the weather forecast too?

What a mess....and I'm not talking about all this snow!

-Dean

JUSTIN said...

Every time I go out on my semi enclosed porch for a smoke, shit just gets crazier. Lightning, sirens and sliced my thumb when the door flew shut.

drew said...

Justin,
How about some weather updates. It sounds like Chicago is getting hammered. Thanks.

Dean Grey said...

We made it, Justin!

Ah, but it's not over yet.

The extreme cold is going to make all that snow freeze and almost impossible to shovel.

I say another couple days off then we can all go back to work again.

HA!

-Dean