A few months ago I found a cardboard box of old writing notebooks I managed to salvage from my volatile high school years. Many of which were/are cringe inducing, and looking back from today, clearly pointed to a self-hate that emanated from being in the closet, and/or feeling very much like a lonely outsider.
Often times I would show such "work" to friends or various girls I "dated"; one such girl got me involved with a bunch of richer kids that wanted to start a punk band, with the idea I would be the lyricist and also be the lead singer. That never went anywhere as I was far too shy to project my voice in front of other people.
Anyways...here's an example of the stupid, stupid shit going on in my head 15 years ago (fucking shit...that's half my life ago!). I'll provide a transcript below...
TOMMYROT(11.20.95)
TODAY I'M FEELING RATHER NUMB/
MUCH LIKE AN UNEMPLOYED BUM/
INCESSANTLY PACING DOWN THESE STREETS/
LOOKING FOR PEOPLE TO MEET
WILL I EVER FIND THE FRIEND/
I DON'T KNOW I'M LOOKING FOR/
CAN I AGAIN TOUCH A PERSON/
LIKE I ONCE DID BEFORE/
AS THE YEARS HAVE GROWN ON ME/
I'VE DISCOVERED WHAT IT'S LIKE TO BE ME/
NOT THE GREATEST OR THE WORST THING IN THE WORLD/
A HOPELESS MODERATE TRAPPED IN A FLAGRANT IMAGE OF WHAT I WANT/
AND WHAT I CAN NEVER HAVE/
SOMEONE I CAN NEVER BE/
CONTENT WITH JUST BEING A SPLIT IMAGE OF ME
TODAY I'M FEELING RATHER DUMB/
FIGHTING TO LIBERATE FROM THIS SLUM/
INCESSANTLY PACING DOWN THESE STREETS/
SYMPATHIZING FOR MY PATHETIC FEET
It could have been a Top 40 hit...NOT!
3 comments:
My god, that's bad!
You were emo before emo was cool brah! I am pretty sure I am glad I never wrote down my feelings back then. It would have been a mess for sure.
The first four lines are EXACTLY how I'm feeling right now!
I would've been your friend in high school, Justin!
^_^
-Dean
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