Friday, February 19, 2010


It's been said before and I'll say it again, I fucking despise karaoke. Usually it's due to the songs that people choose - like when some poor sap gets up on stage and warbles a lamentable Garth Brooks song (ex. "When the Thunder Rolls") or even worse, someone tries to let out their inner Lady Gaga (ughX10!).

But every once in a great while I actually appreciate it for what it really is, just a cheap form of entertainment that is actually fun provided the right combination of booze and friends is achieved. For instance, just last April I actually "performed" for the first time ever. This was at my friend's bachelorette party and I decided that my gift to her would be me singing (more like screaming) The Doors' "Roadhouse Blues". And I fucking nailed it (or so I'm told).

For whatever reason I was compelled to make a command performance. Which was odd because I was in a lesbian bar and I was with 2 of my straight male friends (?) - but I they were SUPER into it and I had 3 40z's under my belt. So I decided, jokingly, to do Pink Floyd's "Have a Cigar".

After more drinks and a smoke break I had forgotten all about it, however one of my friends did not and actually submitted my not-serious request. So when I heard "OK - next we have Justin, come on up here" I tried to hide, which didn't work. So I said "fuck it", and beer in hand I went over the stage area.

Upon waiting through the 15 fucking minute instrumental opener I had time to realize that this was a terrible choice for a song. I can do a halfway decent Jim Morrison (in his drunk years) but I quickly determined I am no Roger Waters.

The lyric "Come in dear boy have a cigar..." came out sounding more like "ComeintheretoycigarhaveBLAHBLAHBLAH". It was so bad I almost put down the mic to spare the nice women in the bar any further ear/emotional damage. "The band is just fantastic that is really what I think" line elicited howls of laughter from yours truly and I'm certain the person in charge of the machine slowly turned the volume down enough so no one could hear me. Bless her soul.

I think I'll keep future karaoke performance where it belongs - in the shower.


Dean Grey said...


Realizing your limitations is a good thing, right?

I just realized that I have yet to hear you sing!


Jackdaw said...

That's quite embarrassing, but then again... you've seen worse from others.

Matthew said...

Oh, it wasn't nearly as bad as you're making it out to be. Besides, half the fun of karaoke is going up and embarrassing yourself.

And for the record, I'm not straight. At least not entirely.

Shit, man - I didn't even know you had a blog.