Saturday, September 5, 2009

BEST BIRTHDAY PRESENT EVER!

After a look through my archives, I was surprised NOT to find a post about my downstairs neighbor. I'm certain there is at least one out there, either way, she's a raging Polish bitch who rarely hesitates to call my landlord on me for trivial matters that can be solved without a third party.

Case in point: the very first night I moved in ex-roomie and I introduced ourselves, and went so far as to offer both our cell numbers, with the hope that if we got too loud she could simply call us and let us know. Neighborly? No? [Ex-Roomie back me up here!]

So the first night we're both un-packing; I'm NOT rawking out to some NPR jazz on my fucking clock radio. Next morning at 8AM my cell rings and it's my landlord, asking me to "be more considerate" towards my new neighbors. FUCK. THAT. (un)NOISE.

This foreshadowed many, many additional calls from my landlord, via downstairs Polish woman. Some of which, I'll admit, we're probably warranted. I like to listen to shit fuckin' loud, but I've learned to listen to music while stationed at my PC wearing headphones. Maybe she doesn't like the sound of me fucking guys with vigor, but that ain't gonna change anytime soon.

Still, we learned to get along. After 2 years of her ignoring my "good mornings" and "good afternoons", and holding the doors to our place open, to help her ease her groceries in, I totally won her over. She still won't hesitate to hang a broom against her ceiling/my floor if I'm pissing her off, but, she's FUCKING MOVING OUT in a month! WOOT!

This is awesome on so many levels. Not only can I assert my dominance towards my next new downstairs neighbors, I can also attempt to re-negotiate the amount I pay for rent with my landlord (this building is quickly emptying out, there are vacancies all up in this bitch).

I'll admit it though, I might miss her presence; still is/was an invaluable resource about the shady side of this particular 'hood. She witnessed the transformation of this place over the course of 15+ years; way back then gang banger wanna be's used to smoke joints in the lobby of my building, and because of her constant bitching, she actually convinced the landlord to install a lock on the first door, to get them out.

Now that she's leaving...I might have to take her stewardship upon my back and keep not only my landlord in line, but also stupid punk-ass gang bangers-to-be. I gotta OWN this shit yo'!

6 comments:

Dean Grey said...

Reading this made me a bit nervous, Justin.

Why would so many people be moving from your building all of a sudden?

Is this something to be concerned about or is it totally a coincidence that multiple tenants are leaving around the same time?

And don't be so quick to celebrate.

"The Polish bitch" (I feel bad typing that) may of been a nuisance but at least she didn't cause any real trouble. What happens if a whole bunch of hooligans rent the empty apartments, inviting their deadbeat friends to visit...often!

Hopefully it will work out for the better though!

Keep us updated!

-Dean

Caleb said...

Justin - You seem reinvigorated this past week, and it's been a lot of fun to read.

Thanks for giving me a regular dose of Chicago, I miss it so much.

JUSTIN said...

@Dean...you worry too much. And for the record, "The Polish Bitch" refers to herself as such.

@Caleb...I love that name. And THANKS! I do feel reinvigorated! WOOT!

Mr. Shain said...

justin is the new elderly polish woman. she will cut a bitch.

jason said...

"there are vacancies all up in this bitch"

That's it.
I just like how that sounds....kinda kinky.

Thomas said...

I was going to comment on the post, but instead I'll just play off of Jason's comment:

Kinky? If there's so much space then it's time for some DP.
Double-Penetration.