Thursday, September 10, 2009


It's really quite simple people...
As one of 44+ million Americans without health insurance (and not the only one who is a fucking moron - but perhaps one of the most idiotic) the above image illustrates how I solved my recent medical "issue".

At the tail end of Labor Day weekend...I feel down a half flight of stairs. It sounds worse than it it. My buddy, who lives in the building next to me, rocks a sweet attic-like apartment. The only problem with his place, are the narrow/shallow/tall steps that one must negotiate 3 flights worth.

Was I high? Yeah. Drunk? You bet! The irony is that I was audibly giving him instructions on how best not to eat shit, when he said something funny and...I looked back at him and...FUCK! Needless to say, the law of gravity was soon very apparent to me.

Somehow I managed not to break my eyeglasses, iPhone, nor, miraculously, the fuckin' glass bowl in my hand (I didn't even drop any herb!). Thankfully after shaking myself off I was able to get off and slink back to my place next door.

In the morning I felt fine. At least I did until I got out of bed and tried to walk. OUCH! My right lower leg was in all kinds of pain. Had I had health insurance I would have gone straight to the doctor. Or, I would have if I had a car to get there. Or if I had someone to take me there. Or. Whatever. You get the point.

My goal for that morning was to rent a Zipcar to go grocery shopping. Sadly for me, the closest one was 12-ish blocks away. I tried my best to hobble towards it, but since I don't look nearly as cool as Clint Eastwood does when he squints/winces, I gave up half way there and went to Walgreen's to buy an ACE bandage, a pack of Camel Wide Lights and a bag of Cheetos.

2 days later, a few bags of ice, many re-runs of Mad Men and a bottle of vodka later, I feel like $10! Oh, and my pimp limp is nearly gone. So you see, you really don't need medical attention for stupid injuries such as these, and perhaps many others. You don't even need ibuprofen (see above)! Just watch that third step on my buddy's fucked up staircase - it's a doozy.

PS - !NICK! - Your t-shirt is coming along nicely.


Mind Of Mine said...

I kinda love you...

Bruce said...

Alright Mind of Mine, you'll have to stand in a long line...we all do!!

jason said...

I think can smell the next great president from Chicago.

M&M said...

HAHA...Cigarettes and cheetos LOVE IT lol

Dean Grey said...


You klutz!

I think we need to dress you in bubble wrap from now on!

This is just another reason to avoid alcohol and mind-altering substances altogether.