Sunday, March 8, 2009

THERE'S A REASON I DON'T TWITTER

Outside of my concerns about being too "plugged in" I realized I could never have a Twitter account due to the total inane and utter bullshit that I would share with the world. No offense to those that do "Twitter" (UGH - I fucking hate words that are used as verbs which are anything but) but does the world at large really need a minute by minute update on your day? I think not. And to prove my point I've decided to create a virtual Twitter feed for y'all:

JESUS CHRIST driving a Volvo, why are there so many fucking cooking shows on tv?
11:14AM Feb 15  from Web

I just dropped the A-S-S bomb to end all ass bombs. We're talking atomic strength!
1:26PM Feb 18  from Web

I just voted! Yay me! I'm a big boy now!
4:21PM Feb 21 from txt

I like to watch movies in the dark.
9:47 PM Feb 24 from Web

!WHOA - that Latin dude looks like he can really FUCK!
6:57PM Feb 26 from txt

This is such a stupid fucking use of technology.
8:34AM Feb 27 from Web

DmtmQp..1$@@ I DRUNK mumbl&&mumble NANCY REGAN justsayyes! ***
4:21AM Feb 27 from txt

"You call that coke? Psssssh, loser, go pass that shit off on some grade school kids."
2:35AM Feb 28 from txt

My nipples are hard for reasons unbeknownst to me. Down boys!
11:20AM Mar 1 from Web

Fuck this piece of corn stuck in my teeth. Fuck it to death.
2:34PM Mar 3 from txt

People from Wisconsin should not be allowed to operate motor vehicles.
4:14PM Mar 4 from txt

My dick is my best friend and closest confidant. 
7:34AM Mar 5 from Web

Could that douche from Friends BE any more annoying?
6:57PM Mar 5 from Web

I really need to work on that "25 Reasons why Chicago Rawks wit it's CAWK out" post.
1:45PM Mar 8 from Web

So I guess what I'm saying is, is that I don't understand the reason for Twitter to exist, other than providing people with yet another outlet for useless, vapid communication. Then again, blogging isn't too different, is it?

7 comments:

Cammo said...

haha then again... blogging REALLY isn't too different,

But I really, really do understand what you're saying. It's absolutely ridiculous! No one needs to "twitter" with minute to minute updates on their life.

Why?

A. I'm not that interesting. My twitter account would represent minute to minute updates of me studying, or watching television... or playing with the dogs. SO INTERESTING! Not.

B. It requires time... why not just say
"Wasting time twittering the world. Fuckin twitter."

C. I like facebook ;)

I'm Cameron.. nice to meet yoU!

samuel said...

I tried to do the Twitter, but I kept forgetting that I was, so I never posted anything. I think I managed to remember to post every three to four days, and it really was as big a waste of those moments as one could imagine. I kind of think of it as changing your Facebook status over and over and over and . . .

Caleb said...

I'd like to learn more about 6:57 PM from the 26th...

Thomas said...

I feel like you reached into my mind and copied my exact thoughts regarding twitter.
Even your fake twitter is shockingly accurate (I don't know why they get pointy either but they make sure it only happens when people can see!).

Jackdaw said...

The only difference between twittering and blogging is time. There is usually less time between twitter messages and that means that there is less time to think about how interesting it really is what you have to say. When blogging you filter out most of the nonsense, you'd think. Nevertheless, I think if I would write an autobiography, I'd use only 5% of what's in my blog.

It's like with aquaintances that you don't see very often. Whenever you meet eachother you start off talking about the 'big things'. The fact that you just voted seems to insignificant to tell, whereas with close friends whom you see frequently, that is something that you just share. For some reason it's nice to be able to communicate not-so-interesting things.

If you read back your blog, you learn about yourself and see yourself grow. With an autobiography that is not the case. I wonder how that works with Twitter.

osc said...

generally, twitter is useless.

but when you look all your posts together, i've learned that you: vote, eat corn, look at Latino guys, find Chandler annoying, don't like drivers from Wisconsin, drink, do coke, really like your dick... etc.

see? all together, it's kinda useful, because i know a little bit more about you now.

Mike said...

Twitter has gone too far. Now it is synchronized with facebook? Already I'm sick of the updates.

"Eating Chex mix"
"walking the dog"

What's wrong with being mysterious and hard to get?

What happened to privacy?