Saturday, December 27, 2008

NICE WORK IF YOU CAN GET IT

Last night was my first "official" night working the door at this bar. I'm happy to report that things went smoothly. In fact, it was the easiest $50 I ever made, and I got to drink beer for free too. The only minor problem arouse at the end of the night when we were trying to close up shop.

ME: "Alright, it's time to go people."
DRUNK BIRTHDAY GIRL: (wobbles with drink in hand) "HEEEEYYYY, CAN I TAKETHISWITME?"
ME: "No, you cannot".
DRUNK BIRTHDAY GIRL: "OOOOHH, COMEON IZZZ MYBURFHDAY!"
ME: "Well, happy birthday, but I'm sorry, you cannot take that drink with you".
DRUNK BIRTHDAY GIRL: (wobbles towards the door with drink in hand) "OK! WHATEVER, IZMYBURFDAY!"
ME: (grabs her by the arm) "HEY! YOU. CANNOT. TAKE. THAT. DRINK. WITH. YOU."
DRUNK BIRTHDAY GIRL: "Buut....IZZZZMYBUUUURFHDAY!!!"
ME: "You have two choices, you can pound the rest of your drink, or you can leave it here."
DRUNK BIRTHDAY GIRL: (looks at drink with one eye open) "BUUTT, IFIDODAT, I'D BE WASTED!"
ME: "Well then, you probably don't need to finish that drink then."

Oh SNAP! Not to be a dick, but come on! I don't give a shit if it's your birthday or your family just died, you can't leave a fucking bar with a cocktail in your hand. Retard. Of course, this made me think about all the times I've been the drunk asshole, being a pain in the ass to various bouncers over the years. Karma's a bitch!

PS - And only Sam will give a shit about this, but the dude working the door with me (taking the covers) looked like a hipster version of Tony Stonem!

4 comments:

julian. said...

Tony Stonem was the best character on Skins... Although Effie was pretty awesome too.

Sam said...

Maxxie is wet. Dripping wet. Me? Dripping? Maxxie? Hmmmm, that sounds right...

I have the series 1&2 on DVD if you want me to copy and discs and send them to you?

Thomas said...

One day, if I'm in Chicago, I promise to tip the bouncer/ID checker, in case it's you.

james said...

Dude, when i worked the door of an uptown bar a few years back, we gave those idiots maybe two chances to put the drink down and leave, otherwise we'd take the drink from them and drag them out the door forcibly. that was one of my favourite parts of the job.

unless you are getting paid overtime, which i doubt, you gotta be tough when it's time to clear out -- bars can also lose their licenses if they have customers in them past closing time.

other than that my least favourite types were the people who tried to get in after last call and they'd get all upset when i told them nobody else is getting in -- sometimes they'd say, 'what, you don't want our money?' and because it didn't matter to me, i'd say, 'no, we don't.'

that and getting paid in cash i liked.