Friday, December 26, 2008

IT'S NOT CHRISTMAS UNTIL SOMEONE TAKES THEIR BALLS OUT

Ah yes, the holidays. That lovely time of year when everyone revels in friends, family, food, and frivolous consumption of alcohol.

This Christmas was fairly tame compared to most, certainly much more tame than the "Golden Years" when my Mom's family still lived here. Those people know how to fucking DRINK.

Past incidents included fistfights amongst Uncles and another Uncle (who used to be a Sheriff) playfully aiming his service revolver at his head. Oh, and there was time when my Grandma (God rest her soul) took all of her clothes of and walked around my Aunt's home like nothing was amiss.

Sigh, those were the days.

Without little fan fare the holidays soldiered on this year with only my Dad, my Bro and his GF. Fair enough, sometimes simple celebrations are the best way to go, and with the bat-shit insane weather [if I have to dig my car out one more fucking time!] we've had this week, it's especially practical. None of us even exchanged gifts since we're all hurting for cash. So be it.

It was still a nice Christmas, and I hope yours was too.

THE X-MAS AFTER PARTY

All of the above shouldn't imply that this year's Jesus Birthday wouldn't go out with a bang. After I dropped my Dad off at O'hare, I collapsed on the couch and watched (I can't believe I'm admitting this) 5 hours of "The Real Housewives of Orange County". Forgive me Lord, for I have sinned. Also, I am totally addicted to the trashy BBC soap "Skins". I have no shame. None.

Thankfully I have 3 people friends to RAWK OUT with last night that also seem not be worried about shameless acts. In fact we almost all tried to out-shame one another last night with wildly inappropriate religious jokes, humorous attempts at parallel parking on ice, and physicals acts such as:

[ED: I should note that this one guy "Nick" is an old high school crush]

A. Nick taking his pants off giving us lap-dances.

B. Nick goading me into Bitch Slapping him, which I did with enough force to make his neck hurt.

C. Nick whipping out his balls, which, I was surprised to find out are totally shaved.

D. Oh we drank. Nick, Mark, this girl and I consumed 2 cases of Miller Lite, a half bottle of Jack (thanks Dad!) and a Sixer of PBR.

All in all, a swell time was had by all.

No, that's a waste of sweet, delicious PBR!

My failed attempt to get a shot of Nick's balls.

9 comments:

Sam said...

skins is brilliant! series one or two. and chris is a little wet yoke. i have the dvd series 1 and 2. and i may or may not have still framed when he fell in the nip ;)

MEETING NEIL IS EASY said...

Christmas is dead to me.

Mike said...

Real Housewives!!! It is addicting.
Atlanta aren't bad either.

borg_queen said...

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See here: http://www.abovetopsecret.com/forum/thread391619/pg1

http://www.abovetopsecret.com/forum/thread367009/pg1

Goodluck!

Silly Billy said...

What a brilliant time!

Cockbag LLC said...

Love the Real Housewifes. Christmas consisted of consuming a bottle of wine in about an hour, then moved onto beer, then my 86 year old Grandma and I kicking butt in Trivial Pursuit. I passed though when my brother busted out the Scotch at 1am-that would not have been pretty.

larry said...

don't waste the pbr!

Thomas said...

Only drunkenly pulling out his testicles and lapdances? Amateur. Try begin woken up by one of your drunk close friends tea-bagging your face, with everyone else in the room laughing.

Soul Seared Dreamer said...

I did the double take on the GF. When did BF become GF.

God how long have I been away from here?