Wednesday, July 23, 2008


This morning I was actually in a good mood, got up for work on time, ate some breakfast, read the paper and all that. The presence of the hot construction workers elevated my mood further...and then I walk up to my car and see this...

Really? Are you fucking kidding me? It's been less than 4 months since that entire rear bumper was replaced. Goddamn it, what the fuck is wrong with people? You live in the city...LEARN TO PARALLEL PARK YOU FUCKING TWAT.

Argh. Hopefully this shit will buff out. Still, as I drove to work, deflated and agitated, I started to devise various methods of retribution (I know exactly which car it was, just not who owns it). Here's a few ideas:

#1 Remove The Registration Sticker

This idiot had to be drunk as there was plenty of space in which to park without tearing up my bumper. Perhaps he wouldn't notice until the next time he drives home drunk and gets rolled by the cops. Smashing a taillight would also work.

#2 Place A Glass Object Under A Wheel

I imagine him waking up for work, pulling out of his parking spot and hearing a disturbing crunching sound, followed by one of the cars tires deflating. Or I guess I could just slash a tire.

#3 "I Like Cock" Bumper Sticker

This is my current favorite since it's not destructive, and could lead to many, many hilarious incidents in which the driver would be totally confused as to why people are honking/pointing and laughing.

Of course, I could just put a note on this fucker's car, but then I would have no evidence that this person's car is to blame, and I really doubt that the person responsible would actually call me, nor am I sure that would be a good idea to give this person my phone number.

I'm welcome to your suggestions.


Devyn said...

Hmmm, I'd like an "I Like Cock" bumper sticker... Now, only if I had a car...

Silly Billy said...

Dude, that deserve a drink.

borg_queen said...

I like the cock thing, too. Just make sure you don't leave any fingerprints.

Jay said...

As soon i saw that pic, i was think 'didn't you just get your car fixed up?!' Oh well, the bumper sticker would be hilarious. Paybacks a bitch!


Chicago's Bi Guy said...

Why not do all three.. this would teach the jerk a lesson or two. However I would suggest NOT slashing his tires as this could be taken as property damage. But if he just happened to "roll" over a nail or some glass that's his own fault for not checking to make sure nothing was behind his tires. Oh and the sticker would work wonders if he ever drives in Lakeview (Boystown)