"YOU'RE A SHITTY F*G"

A week or two ago I was chatting on-line with a friend about, amongst other things, our mutual preferences in underwear. Whereas said friend prefers expensive and rather fashionable boxer briefs, briefs or trunks, I have always more of a "whatever" attitude towards what I wear beneath my clothes, (although for the record I do prefer black boxer briefs, and although I have a dozen of them, none are what one would consider to be a "designer" brand). This admission prompted my friend to call me a "shitty f*g".

OK, you might be asking why I would consider someone who would came me such an awful name a friend. Allow me to explain. This was not meant to be mean-spirited in any way whatsoever. If a random person came up to me on the street and called me that name, they would promptly receive a swift kick you know where. In fact, many of my friends have rather colorful "nicknames" for me, another example of which is "fuck face". This does not bother me in the least. The sense of humor between myself and my friends is rather playful, as you might have guessed.

However, having spent not one, but two nights carousing in Boystown this week (I was there last night for the Halloween festivities) I did observe certain differences between myself and the other gay men in attendance. In fact, since I did not wear a costume I joked to my buddy that I was dressing up as a straight dude. Of course, this is not a new revelation; I am all too aware that I do not conform to whatever stereotypes people may have of what a gay man is, or rather should be. Before I embraced whatever it is I am, this is something I used to think about all too often.

Then again this is not a concept that applies only to my sexuality. For most of my life I have been aware is how I am dissimilar from my peers. Honestly, it's something that used to seriously bother me to the point of being self conscious, especially in high school when I was really into punk rock, but also enjoyed consuming certain mind altering substances with my "hippie" friends while in turn being something of a theater dork. Of course this doesn't seem as much of a contradiction to me now (in some ways it makes sense), but it sure as shit did back then.

"The man who comes back through the Door in the Wall will never be quite the same as the man who went out. He will be wiser but less sure, happier but less self-satisfied, humbler in acknowledging his ignorance yet better equipped to understand the relationship of words to things, of systematic reasoning to the unfathomable mystery which it tries, forever vainly, to comprehend."
(from The Doors of Perception by Aldous Huxley)

Fast forward to who or what I am today and I think the above quote applies perfectly. The journey I have been on for the last 10 years has allowed me a unique perspective on life, one that I am constantly digesting, and entirely in a positive light. There is no such thing a perfect gay man, and nothing that could be defined as a "shitty f*g" (note to the person that called me that, I honestly thinks it's funny, so feel free to call me that again if you see fit as long as it is in jest). And this concept applies not exclusively to one's sexuality (or one's corresponding choice in underwear, haha) but to any facet of one's existence.

Or at the least, this is what I tell myself when confronted with something along these lines:

We are all unique in our own ways, and it's what I find most intriguing about people. This might seem like an obvious statement, and it is, but sometimes I need to be reminded of this fact, and every time that I am, I smile because it makes me feel alive.