YOU DESERVE A BLOWJOB - ROUND 3

This would have been posted earlier but I spent the last 2 hours on the phone chatting with friends...and apparently I'm not the only person that is broke as a joke right now. Far from it. No less than 4 friends and my brother are all hard up for cash and are anxiously awaiting payday on Tuesday. I guess it's just been that kind of month (I know for me it has). Well, let's all get drunk and have a good time anyway, it's Friday! And you know what that means, right? It's time for You Deserve a Blowjob!

1. Matt Groening

This one is fairly obvious considering that The Simpsons film has finally dropped. Some of you might even be brave enough to hit your local cineplex to see it tonight. Not this guy. If 27 years of life has taught me anything, it's that I should avoid the movie theater on a Friday night. That being said, Monday, I'm so fucking there! I even have a $25 gift card to AMC so if anyone wants to go, hit me up! I'll even buy you a ticket, just 'cuz that's how I roll. Oh, and Matt Groening, put down the duck...because you deserve one hell of a blowjob! One more thing, here's a link to an great interview with MG.

2. Ryan Gosling

Oh Ryan...where to begin. I had forgotten that I put "Half Nelson" on my Netflix queue a few weeks ago and when it arrived in the mail yesterday I had forgotten why I wanted to see this film and wasn't that interested in seeing it. But since I was bored, broke and no longer have cable I played the DVD...and holy shit! You were amazing! I haven't wanted to make out with a junkie since I saw "The Basketball Diaries" years ago. You didn't win a statue for your performance, but you deserve a (a sober/non-cracked out) blowjob!

3. Jason Kendall

I must say, I've been a huge fan of Jason Kendall for years, and not because of his defensive nor offensive capabilities (although he was at one point a Rock Star behind, and in front of home base). Even before I came out I secretly thought Jason was a Major Stud and now that he's a Cub I'm nothing short of overjoyed...although he hasn't done shit offensively for us. I think there is but one solution to his lack of hitting...a blowjob!

4. Drunk Astronauts

While bored at work today (actually, it's more like bored at work everyday) I searched in vein on Google News for an interesting story and hit pay dirt. Apparently there exists a contingent of astronauts that like getting lit up before being shot into space. After reading the article I e-mailed it to a friend and remarked "I never knew my life goal was to drink a 5th of Jack and get shot into outer space". For real. How fucking awesome would that be? I'm sure I would fill my space helmet with puke but it would be a small price to pay. To all you astronauts that like to get lit up before being shot into space...blowjobs all around!

5. Crew Guy That I Took Home Last Week

Before last Thursday night I never once fantasized about fooling around with a guy that rowed (I think it's more of a east coast thing than anything else) but since that random, intense hook-up, I can think of few things I want more than another night with YOU. Just today I was driving home and I swear I smelled your sexy scent of cologne, beer and sweat. Dear God, please let us meet again! A blowjob is the least of what you deserve for so thoroughly Rocking My World.