Sunday, July 29, 2007


Before I hopped on a train to the Loop yesterday I stopped by the liquor store on the corner and was confused...the lights were on but the door was locked. Upon further investigation I saw the sign that said "use door to the left" which was an entrance to a bar. Confused I circled back and went outside once again when the bartender asked me if I wanted to gain entry to the liquor store. "Yes" I replied and she told me to wait right there were I was. She disappeared and then reappeared in another door to my right that I didn't notice. "Sorry, I'm double duty today 'hun". "No worries" said I. She sold me the small flask of Jack I was in search of and was on my way...

Exiting the L in the Loop on a perfect summer day I was waiting to cross Michigan Avenue when the guy standing next to me glances down at the black plastic liquor store bag I wasn't hiding. "Hey man, where can I pound this big ass can of beer and not get arrested?" he queried, clutching the very same black plastic liquor store bag as mine. "Uh, probably right where you're standing 'bro...worst thing that will happen is that the cops will tell you to pour it out" I replied. "Thanks man..." the stranger said before he disappeared (I really hope he didn't get arrested).

After a lovely walk through Grant Park I dodged traffic on Lake Shore Drive and found my friends who had secured an ideal spot to watch the boat parade and the firework for Venetian Night. As Dee later pointed out, "you gotta love the lesbians" meaning that they always seem to have their shit together. My awesome friends arrived super early, brought 3 chairs, a huge cooler stocked with beer and food and a radio so we could listen to the baseball games (the only fault my friend Lauren has is that she's a White Sox fan but she was gracious enough to tune into WGN so I could get updates in the Cubs game - I love that woman).

Not sure how things work in other cities, but I was opening drinking in public for hours in plain sight of several cops and never did any of them say shit to me. Not even draining the contents of a flask of JD seem to get their attention. I get the feeling I could have been pulling a 3 foot bong naked and they would have left me alone. Thanks Chicago PD!

Although I love getting drunk with a gaggle of lesbians as much as the next homo, Dee arrived (after getting lost - you should have called me first!) and had a fellow gay man to balance out the estrogen equation. We had a great time checking dudes out all evening. At one point Dee said "wow, there's a lot of hot guys here" to which I replied "of course there is, this is Chicago man!".

Speaking of hot guys I keep seeing two in particular that were sexxxy. One was the cute blonde dude that Dee thought was a girl, who worked on the Marine Rescue Unit patrolling the harbor. The other was yet another Marine Rescue Unit dude piloting a tender. After a few beers and a few slugs of Jack I loudly contemplated jumping into the lake just so both of them could "save" me. Thankfully, reason prevailed and I stayed dry.

Eventually "the show" began. The Chicago Park District seemed to have found a guy with the best/worst Chicago accent ever who narrated the introduction, which was a staged water rescue. This was sooo badass. Out of no where a helicopter flew in and hovered about 10 above the water about 50 yards from us. There was someone pretending to drown and a fireman repelled down a rope and jumped into the water and saved his victim then put him on a stretcher which then was hauled skywards. The helicopter triumphantly thundered into the distance, circled back and made a low pass in front of us. Nice to see my tax dollars at work!

Meanwhile, Lauren's girlfriend kept talking about my ass and her friend kept rubbing front of a Puerto Rican family with little kids. They didn't seem to mind (although after the 5th time I kinda did). In fact, around this time most of us (Dee excluded) were getting loud and rowdy (but in a fun playful way) and the people around us seem to be more amused than annoyed.

Once it got dark the boat parade began - right in front of us. I thought it was going to occur further out into the lake but we were front and center. Having said that, the parade lost it's luster after about 10 minutes. There was a Bulls themed boat, a Bears boat, a few Cubs/Sox boats, 3 boats featuring the cow that didn't start the Chicago Fire and numerous boats with people dressed up as the Blues Brothers (one of which was actually pretty bad-ass). It really wasn't that creative or really even well done. Oh well.

Finally, around 9PM with boats cleared and the real show began - FIREWORKS! Whoa, last night was a naked display of firepower. I can only imagine how much money the city pissed away but, damn, what a freakin' awesome show! Somehow my buddy MarK and his lady friend found us amongst the chaos. Beers all around!

After the the last firework exploded the cops swooped in and cleared everyone out. Somehow 500,000+ people calmly exited the park and went home. A bunch of us homos jumped on the train and drunkenly rode homeward. Dee bid us goodnight, the remaining lesbians went their way and I joined MarK and lady friend and walked back to his place. We drank, we smoked, we talked. I forget what prompted the following exchange between myself and MarK's lady, but here's what I remember:

Me: "Oh hells yeah...that guy was so fuckin' hot tonight!"
Lady Friend: "haha, yeah...wait, what? Are you, like, gay or something".
Me: "I sure as shit hope so, otherwise making out with guys might be a bit weird".
Lady Friend: "haha...wait, for real? You're really gay?"
Me: (eyes rolling) "For real, I like guys".
Lady Friend: "Wow, uh, I mean, that's great, I love gay guys".

Thankfully, MarK's lady friend was kind enough to drive me home and I didn't have to hoof it back to my place at 2AM. All in all, it was a really great night.


Soul Seared Dreamer said...

Really Jus? I never realised you were gay? Get out of here, really?

Glad to hear you had a great evening and also glad you didn't attempt to drown yourself either ;o)

Silly Billy said...

Haha. If the making out with guys might be a little weird, just imagine how the tons of blowjobs you seem to be offering up lately would feel.... ;);)

Dee said...

I had a great time Justin... Maybe next time I won't drink that 151 the night before then I won't be hung over. Oh the "Lady Friend" did not think I was gay either. I'm still not convienced that was a guy on the boat I still think it was a girl. Next time I'll have to throw you in the water.

Silly Billy said...

BTW - how cool is the Chicago PD for letting you drink like that.

I think I know who might be on the "You deserve a BJ" list next week.