Tuesday, March 6, 2007


"At first sight there is something astonishing in this spectacle of so many lucky men restless in the midst of abundance. But it is a spectacle as old as the world; all that is new is to see a whole people performing in it." (Alexis de Tocqueville)

Why is it that I feel so restless? I have a good job, make decent money, have a nice place and I'm blessed to have so many great friends. And yet, at the end of the day there's still something that doesn't sit right, as if there is some greater purpose for me that I have yet to discover. And I'm not depressed. I know what that feels like and this isn't the same feeling. Lately I've been consuming so much life and it makes me feel like I need to aggregate all my experiences into some kind of definitive media format. This blog certainly helps to serve that purpose but I think this is just the beginning of something greater. This probably sounds totally fucking pretentious (and if so, please call me out on it, I have have thick skin, it's cool) but I constantly think there is so much more that I am capable of. If I didn't have to work for a living I could spend so much more time on more worthy doings. My job in marketing is just that, a job. A means to the end of the day in which I can be comfortable and secure, which should be all one should need. But I want more than that. I would never presume to possess the ability to change someones mind with my "intellect" but I always hope that anyone I have any meaningful contact with might at least consider the perspectives of other people or try to look at things from a different standpoint than from their own.

I swear I had a point to this post but it seems to be losing focus.

OK, back to this one specific part of this quote, "so many lucky men restless in the midst of abundance". I'm as guilty as anyone to take for granted all the nice things afforded to me or those that I can afford so when little things like traffic or weather piss me off I try to temper my frustrations with thoughts of how truly good I have it. As my brother reminds me "at least you're not fighting over in Iraq" when I bitch about having a bad day at work. Very true. At the least I consider myself fortunate not to live in a "red" state; I'm never considered myself a "victim" of my sexuality and to be perfectly honest, I'm a white male living in the USA, how bad can it be? Ugh, this is devolving into a convoluted post so I think I'll tap the brakes.

1 comment:

about a boy said...

good post. i dont know anyone that doesnt think about these things. im in the same situation. kinda. and feel the same way some days.