Wednesday, April 18, 2012


Here's a little story about what a complete fucking idiot I am. Back in October I lost my keys; the apartment keys were easy enough to replace, not so easy to replicate the key that unlocks the chain thing securing my bike.

Since it was starting to get cold out, and I don't ride my bike in the winter, I figured I would cut it loose when the weather got nice, i.e., around this time of the year. And I was avoiding buying a new lock, as in a proper Kryptonite U'Lock.

Last week I pulled the trigger and dropped $40 on said new lock. Next step: have my landlord come over and use bolt cutters to break the old one. He arrived with a tool that was longer than my arm and must have been forged around the time that FDR was in office.

It didn't work. He barely got through the plastic casing, let alone the actually metal part. He suggested I obtain a saw of some sort. Well, today while doing my laundry, I decided to have another look, and after a close inspection I realized something...


All that needed to be done was to lift the metal rope lock over the handle bars to free it from the cast iron pole it was attached to. Seriously? I spent all these months thinking that no one but the hardest criminal could steal my wheels, and...yeah, not so much.

Now I'm free to roam around this world on a shitty hand me down bike, whom no one will ever want to steal. It's kind of liberating. And embarrassing. But ultimately...empowering.


Anonymous said...

That is hilarious. Oh how I miss Chicago. I left a bike locked up and ignored it for two years.

Stephen Chapman said...


Anonymous said...

Yeah, you're a moron alright.