I WANNA SUCK YOUR NUTS

The title of this post is a direct quote, from a regular, female bar patron that I have served, many, many times in the past. She is a lightweight, in that she drinks a Carlsburg and a Buttery Nipple (a disgusting shot of liquor that people that can't handle their liquor seem to prefer) and hits on not only me, but all the other guys that I work with.

Anyways, she came in DRUNK AS FUCK on Tuesday night around Midnight and said the following:

"Hey Jake (she forgot my name) let's DO SOME SHOTS".

"Do you have a girlfriend?"

"I've been wanting to suck your nuts for months".

After explaining to her how "flattered" I was at her drunken advances, the "gay" conversation took place, and she thought I was being rude and/or insulting. She is attractive, for sure but we all know how I roll, but STILL I have to convince people how I do.

So after reassuring her that she is a catch, and having to convince her that I would simply tell her to FUCK OFF if I wasn't interested in what she's got going on...she comes around behind the bar (GET OUT OF MY SERVICE AREA - huge pet peeve of mine) she fucking grabs my junk.

And wouldn't let go. Now, keep in mind that in my previous occupation as a bouncer/doorman, I've had to drag 2 women kicking and screaming to the curb. So, I think I exhibited admirable restraint in gently, yet firmly removing this drunk woman's death grip from my testicles.

If it was a guy, I would have knocked him out cold. OR at least tried to. Sigh.

It's really hard sometimes...convincing people I am being honest when I explain which team I play for, and not crossing the line when maybe it needs to be done. BUT since I do not advocate any form of violence towards women, it's a GODDAMN pain in the ass.

Oh, and I have a major boner for her brother-in-law, who she thinks is gay (as do I) but that's another story...