I GOT TO BE A BOUNCER TODAY

And my God it felt good! And by today, I suppose I mean yesterday. Anyways, it was fucking crazy at work yesterday; not only did the Bulls come back at the last second (YES!!!) we also dealt with a large contingent of rowdy soccer fans. Easily in the top 5 of nuttiest days I've worked ever.

Anyways, I had that floor locked down, but around 3PM, my boss, several customers and myself noticed the pungent smell of strong herb wafting about. Process of determination lead me to the source, which was the hot as FUCK guy I presume either surfs or performs in gay for pay porn in his free time.

Which means he's really hot. And he was. Gorgeous, and I don't use that adjective readily. That being said, God, in his infinite wisdom may have blessed him with beauty, but he forgot to give him a fucking brain, and he thought it would be cool to light up a joint the size of my forearm right in front of the door to the bar.

Here's the approximate conversation that took place:

ME: "YOU STUPID FUCKING IDIOT, WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?

PRESUMABLY RETARDED HOT GUY: "..."

ME: [ANGRY JUSTIN CHICAGO VOICE] "SMOKE THAT FUCKING SHIT ELSEWHERE YOU FUCKING SHITHEAD"

PRESUMABLY RETARDED HOT GUY: [Locks flowing in the breeze] "..."

ME: "YOU STUPID FUCKING IDIOT, WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?

And he ran. I'm not into using my limited authority to invoke involvement of the police, but what a fucking moron. I mean, really. Smoke in the fucking alley if you need to, I don't care. But when you are smoking pot in daylight in full view of literally hundreds of people...use your head (or what's left of it).

SO, long story short, I was THAT guy today, the asshole bouncer, and Goddamn it felt good. Sorry if my recent antidotes stem from work, but it's much better than the sad/awful ones derived from my DUI classes.

That being said I will leave you, dear reader, with one chestnut. This guy claimed that he simply "pushed" his girlfriend. What he left out was that he pushed her from a 3rd story floor...my GOD. It's a fine line, much like the story I presented earlier...so yeah.