MY ROOMMATE IS PISSING ME OFF/DON'T FUCK WITH MY TREE

It's almost the one year anniversary of living with my current roommate; the majority of the time we've lived together has been good, even great at times. Overall, we're still in positive territory. That being said...SHE'S BEEN PISSING ME OFF LATELY.

Nothing major, mostly minor things that when combined with the sudden onslaught of a wicked cold snap (IT'S FUCKING COLD HERE!) has made my ability to let little things like...oh, throwing food scraps, Styrofoam and for all I know The Holy Bible into my much vaunted *Recycling Bin makes me a bit...fucking perturbed.

So, let's talk shoes. I like shoes. Mostly sneakers, and those of which belong to me. All my pairs are neatly lined up in a row in my bedroom, ready and waiting to FUCKING RAWK OUT. Mostly, they lay in wait. Roommates shoes, are spread around in random clumps, all over the fucking place. The other day I was eating lunch and reading the paper at my kitchen table, when my right foot detected a foreign object [see below].

And that's nothing! There are other nooks in our SHARED area with 6 or 7 mismatched pumps, flats, sneakers, boot(s). If we ever re-enacted the American Civil War with our shoes, I would SO FUCKING win. Right? [fingers crossed]

I think if one found oneself on the game show Family Feud, and whoever is now hosting asked you: "What is your biggest Roommate Pet Peeve?", I'm sure the #1 answer would be "bitch don't do dishes". In my case, I go to great lengths to do my dishes, like right after I use them. And in the past I have been fine with doing hers as well...but it's gotten out of hand. I've declared a STRIKE on doing her dishes. As such, this is out sink, and those are her dishes from Saturday night. Fucking. Gross.

I saved the best for last. A few weeks back, Roommate brought up Christmas and shit. She mentioned she wanted to get a real tree, and this obviously made me tense up. I immediately had visions of our apartment going up in flames, or at the least, finding pine needles all over the fucking place.

Besides, I have a decent fake tree, lots of lights and I'm fucking GAY; I can make this shit work. Her response was to wait until I left for work, and she and her friend went and not only bought a real tree (and brought it up the front door-needles all over, ugh) she shoved MY tree rudely to the right.

Biiiiitch, please.

SO. Now we have 2 trees. Just saying that like you're from Chicago, "too dreez" is too much, but I actually have TOO DREEZ!

Clearly the Awesome Tree on the right, with approximately 5,000 lights in MINE. Overkill? Perhaps. There are also 50 candy canes ready to go. It's not only interactive, but edible! That thing on the left, PPFFFFT.

PS-I actually really, really, like my Roommate; but-UGH! THAT BITCH!

*My apartment actually doesn't have a Recycling Bin, but the house next door d

oes, so in cover of night, I try to lesson the impact my drinking has on the environment.