In the ad I posted on-line seeking to find a roommate, I mentioned that as being a young-ish white gay guy, I would prefer a similar type of person to live with; besides the obvious comfort level, I thought that living with another homo, that maybe, just MAYBE I could learn to be a better Gay. Like, maybe my Maybe Gay Roomie would school me on hair tips, and I could introduce him to the wonderfulness that is Even Williams whiskey. Or something like that.
So I was excited when this guy contacted me and wanted to see the place; from the tone of his voice left on my voice mail it was fairly obvious we played for the same team. And he seemed nice and cool, etc. We set a time and a date for him to come over and take a look at my place, and see if we clicked in person. When the time came, he called me, from outside in front of my front door and I buzzed him up. When I opened My Door, in walked...
OK, obviously not Bruno, but what could easily pass for a facsimile, or a stunt double, or maybe his younger brother. We're talking HARD-CORE Eastern European G-A-Y with hair highlights that would out put Lady Gaga to shame. And his outfit...bitch please. He looked like he was roaring to to go clubbing at fucking Jackhammer, and this was at 1PM on a Wednesday. No way in hell would I/could I have this be my new Roomie.
Thankfully, after looking at the place and talking to me for approximately 45 seconds, he ran out of my place like it was on fucking fire. So I guess the feeling was/is mutual. And before you hate on me for not wanting to live with such a F-A-B-U-L-O-U-S man, that wasn't the primary issue. I have a problem interacting with people that communicate as if they under the influence of Meth, Coke, Crack or some combination. I can't deal with the constant, yet distant look of surprise in said people's eyes (also, I imagined rivers of hair dye staining the fixtures in my bathroom-YUCK).
That being said, I believe I have solved my Roomie Issues. Let's call her "Mags"; she is 31 y/o, a teacher and an ex-pat from from Poland who had resided in Chicago for the last 7 or 8 years (little known fact to non-Chicagoans: Chicago is the 2nd largest Polish city by population after Warsaw). It took me a week to wrap my head around the idea, but I feel solid about it now, and I'm confident she won't fuck me over or freak out when I eventually bring a guy home. Fingers crossed!
9 comments:
It's kinda like when you see a hot guy, and you get up the courage to go over and talk to him... You're really nervous, but you push yourself to approach him and say hi... And the second he opens his mouth purses and handbags start flying out... You're immediate gut reaction is... Ummm, NO... Not so interested any longer.
I mean, I have my moments, but there are no purses in my closet.
When I first read the parenthetical statement beginning "little known fact" I thought it said "to Chicagoans" and I literally said out loud "bitch please, DUH it's all Polish people, including my mother!"
...I then reread and felt foolish for both my oversight and the fact that I spoke out loud since I live alone.
Embarrassing!
LMAO - I'm sorry but I had to laugh real hard to that! Lol! I kinda saw that coming, but reading it, I had to laugh!!!!!!
I'm glad its all sorted now doode! Haha. I hope you feel better man
Aw, see I immediately had this vision. Bruno moves in, makes great friends with the theatre groupies upstairs and invites them over. They're having just a FABULOUS time and Justin is standing outside with a bottle of Evan Williams in one hand, a Marlboro in the other and a thought bubble over his head that says "WTF!?!?!"
Sounds like you both made the right choice, lol.
Justin!
I think "potential female Polish roomie" might be the best choice so far.
Good luck!
-Dean
too funny.
But I guess it was better to get Bruno that, oh, say, Borat, right?
Bitch please!
The perils of Roomate searching!! If you think that is bad I once had a roomie that was into hardcore BDSM. He would walk out of his room to the fridge to get something In fuller leather get up. Then he would walk back into his room like nothing happened.
But if you had accepted him as a roommate, you'd be one step away from a great/horrible evening sitcom about a super-gay roommate showing a not-so-gay (but still gay) roommate the super-gay ropes! You could even place the audience laugh track whenever a really embarrassing moment came up.
@Thomas: Indeed, but I am beyond happy with the Polish Woman...she's super nice, trustworthy and she's planning on replacing my 27" TV with a massive fucking Plasma! WOOT!
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