Listen up, bud, I got some news for you, it's a simple, though extremely important message - DON'T FUCKING FUCK WITH ME! Remember your friend 2009? I killed his bitch ass last night and dumped it's body in the south branch of the Chicago River. Near Bubbly Creek (because I can be a vindictive dick like that).
If you think that the force of time is greater than that of yours truly, I got news for you, it's NOT because I'll be here long, long after you are gone. So let's makes this easy on both us, don't fuck with me and I'll make some vague fucking resolution like using the word "fuck" less often. Cool?
Now that we got bit of business out of the way, I must tell you, I have been awaiting your arrival for quite some time. You're arrival was shared with many, though surely not all of my great friends where there was much drinking, eating to listening to old Motown records. It pretty much kicked ass. Oh! And there was even some hot ass eye candy for me! I mean, whoa, I could see the veins in his arms underneath his fucking (oops! sorry!) shirt! I couldn't have asked for more. Well, maybe a blowjob from the hot ass piece of eye candy, but I digress.
So, cheers 2010! Let's make this the best and least awkward start to the new decade.
PS - I got you a gift. It's a "rap" video produced by Christian teens expounding the virtue of the Christian Side Hug. Enjoy.