Saturday, November 7, 2009


Work tonight was pretty good; I was firing on all cylinders, which perhaps is the result of feeling like utter shit earlier this week. My mood could have been described accurately as jovial even, or overtly social, but certainly not my usual stoic "Doorman" persona. Not at all.

But that mood went straight to shit when I had to wait 25+ minutes for a fucking CTA train to rear it's ugly head, followed by a 15-ish minute wait for the corresponding bus. But this is trivial, and not what's really bothering me.

If...I had one wish, it would be that someone I love is waiting for me to come home. Someone thinking, "fuck, I hope he didn't get robbed/shot/stabbed, where the hell is he?" Alas, there is no such person in my life. And that eats at me in such a way I cannot put it into words.

And on the other hand, there really isn't anyone in MY life I can put forth such feelings toward. Wouldn't that be nice if I could positively project these feelings in a positive manner upon another man? Can you tell I'm really fucking stoned?

Maybe I just need to adopt a cat.


Jackdaw said...

Cheer up, man. Life is full of surprises. You'll meet your guy.

But, I know how your feel. I feel like that too in exactly the situations you described.

The Covert Homo said...

I know exactly what you mean. What I want is someone to call and say goodnight too. Cats are cool, but let's be honest. They are some of the most selfish animals out there. They won't care if you ever come home so long as they have a good supply of food. Get a dog.

Windy City Sex blog said...

Justin, it is the good side of having a relationship, is that there is someone who cares about you, without reservation. You can't rush it or be pressuring yourself to find it.

James Dean said...

Me too! I'm focusing on myself and trying to stay busy with things that interest me. But when I get home is when I'm like, man, I wish I had a boyfriend to talk about my day with right now. Hope the shoulder is doing better.

Anonymous said...

I'm your secret admirer:) I'm a 29 yo white male, 5'8", 160lbs, blond, blue. More to come...


Dean Grey said...


Don't we all. Don't we all.

Sometimes all you can do is surround yourself with family and friends. After all, don't they love you?

The heart is a delicate thing. If you listen to it closely when it "sings" you'll know who to pursue when he comes along.

And I totally agree with The Covert Homo. Dogs are incredibly loyal and loving pets. They will stick by you through and through.

That's not such a bad thing, now is it?


jason said...

It sucks, I know, doesn't it?

anyway, wishing for (and right along with) you.

drew said...

i guess we all know where you are coming from. That is the tough part of this life. I am sure there are countless more that feel the same way. I think dwelling on it just doesn't help. I bought a dog 3 years ago and they are indeed very loyal companions. I am fortunate that I can take him to work with me (owner can do what he wants!!). Good luck with everything you are dealing with. You do have a lot of readers who understand!!!

Anonymous said...

hang in there!! Seriously, a cat? You can't fuck a cat..unless you are a really sick ticket.

Anonymous said...

first the hair gel, now a cat - living the stereotype much? lol - You are a great catch, but you have to be willing to be caught - and you have to be in the pond when someone drops their line in - get out there and be open to the possibilities!