For whatever reason it's taken me nearly this fucking long to realize what my purpose for existing on this earth is: to write. I realized this, at 5AM when I couldn't sleep and my inner monologue was keeping me awake.
This isn't to say I am a good one (not fishing for compliments!) but it is an acknowledgement of my natural state of being; I haven't expressed this to more than 1 or 2 close friends, but I constantly play out scenarios and/or situations within my mind. Like all the fucking time.
This keeps me up at odd hours, and I can only imagine what my current Roomie thinks of me. He keeps odd hours too, but that's because he's a respectably employed student of medicine (that amount of studying simply blows my mind).
The other night, on Saturday, while working my Doorman/Bouncer/Lifeguard/Babysitter of drunks gig, one of the "regulars" came in. This guy is trendy in appearance, gregarious by nature and seems to support himself by pirating porno DVD's (he graciously offered me a copy of "Stuffin' Muffins 3" but I declined. Again.) Anyways, he referred to me as "Quiet Guy", in a most jovial manner.
It's not that I'm trying to came across as a dick. I'm just an observant person. Sometimes I wonder about the dichotomy between what people who read this blog, and my natural persona.
And now that I typed that I feel like an egotistical ass-hat.
But still. With my close friends, I am very loud and dare I say, vivacious, but with people I am not close with, I am positively stoic. As with every rule, there are exceptions; casual acquaintances sometimes lull me out of my quietude, and compel me to be witty.
Where was I going with this? Right! What literally gets me out of bed is a deep seated need to put words on a page, although I must note that I worry to excess about excessive use of the word "I" to the point that constantly forget to capitalize it (no shit, I just had to go back and fix that, haha).
Sometimes the need to write conflicts with my natural tenancy not to draw attention to myself, but I just can't help myself, and I admire those of you that put up with my random musings, as I don't consider them to be unique or particularity insightful (or grammatically correct). And this isn't modestly, just an observation.