Sunday, August 23, 2009

HOW I STOPPED BEING A PUSSY AND LEARNED TO LOVE MY BIKE

Hey y'all! It's been...what like almost 2 weeks? Since I'm an evil man I sometimes like to deprive those that love me ever so dearly of precious Justin brain droppings, just so you realize how you need me as much as oxygen (perhaps even more). OK - for real though, I've just been lazy about writing, probably a result of having so much random fun in this month of August.

One of the activities that has been occupying my time as of late, is tooling around the city on my bike. Technically, it's my father's Trek, but he left it behind in the move to NYC last year. Ever since it's been a static modern art object taking up valuable space in the basement of my apartment building.

Since I don't have a car anymore (Zipcar doesn't qualify, but I have fallen in love with the Mazda 3 hatchback I rent to get groceries every week) and I rarely have the patience to wait for the bus, I have been walking, walking, walking some more, and then walking even FUCK MORE. Case in point: my gym is about 2 miles from my apartment, and I would walk there and cry on the way home (what? you try doing 6 miles of cardio and then walking 2 more miles to get home! That's like 100 miles or something!).

So now I bike. It took me a long time to garner the courage to do so. Being a pussy doesn't come naturally to me, but after last year's potentially severe concussion, I'm a bit afraid of cars, or rather FUCKING IDIOTS who can't drive for shit. I mean, not everyone can drive as awesome as I can, but really, all you need to do is not hit people with your car. That's it. RED means STOP!

Last year I think a half dozen bikers got killed, a result of stupid twats likely piloting their zeppelin-like SUV's down Chicago's narrow streets. This discouraged me from riding around. But eventually I just said "fuck it" and now I ride around shining (Clipse reference!). I don't even wear a helmet. And I ride while drunk and high (just not when there is heavy traffic). Stupid? Yes. Fun? Shit yeah!

PS - [This is a special shout out to my friend overseas - I think you know who you are, boy whose name begins with the letter N] You sir, deserve a blowjob! No, you deserve several! I'll be happy to administer said BJ's once you return home =).

5 comments:

Dean Grey said...

Justin!

I can finally breathe again! *aaaahhhhh*

I hope you were joking about biking while drunk and high!

And for God's sakes wear a helmet you dumbass!!

Good to have you back!

-Dean

S J D said...

I have come to the conclusion that I will never bike the streets of the city of Chicago. Urbana is dangerous enough and it's like two blocks long and features hick drivers (maybe that's why I'm so scared?).

But good for you! Biking that is. Don't think I'm congratulating you for moving your lazy ass fingers or anything.

Wait. Maybe I am. I don't know. But it's always nice to hear congratulations, right?

So ... félicitations

Thomas said...

The bike is where it's at. Amazing.

Also: good Dr. Strangelove title reference.

Curt said...

Now all you need to do is stop drinking and get a job.

JUSTIN said...

Thanks Curt. I'll try that if you promise to try not being a little bitch.