Tuesday, June 23, 2009


Yesterday, one of my bestest/awesomest/greatest friends was in town, and despite the fact that she just went to both Phish shows up at Alpine Valley, we FUCKING RAGED last night (as a pre-condition to stay at my place, I stated she had better still be wearing her party hat once she got here).

The night began innocuously enough; a few beers in my hot-as-shit apartment (seriously, it's dark right now and still 90 degrees) and off to a local Mexican restaurant for dinner. And drinks. Lots of them. In fact, we decided to split a pitcher of margaritas, which came with 2 glasses already filled.

Needless to say, on the walk back to my place [ED NOTE: I was wearing Jorts] I stated my intention to puke in my kitchen sink. Thankfully, that did not happen. And I put on a proper pair of jeans, and off we went to seek trouble...

...which we almost ensured after ingesting some pure MDMA (aka "Molly"). Guh. I have not done hard drugs in some time. Oh man, if you got a random text from me last night saying "IM ROLLIN MY NUTS OFF", well, now you know why.

Our second destination of the night, was, regrettably Hydrate. This is the kind of $1 drink/smoke machine/2 guys blowing each other in the bathroom kind of place. In my/our defense, we were so fucked up when we choose this place. However, it was fun. For a bit.

[Side note: within 5 minutes of being there, my friend found located the textbook definition of a twink, whose name I asked, and responded by dry humping me at the bar and sticking his tongue in my mouth. That's Klassy. With a K!]

But the DJ's were horrible and despite my increasingly drug addled state, I found the drinks to be weak. We left soon thereafter, although, not before consuming more MDMA in the alley. My. God.

[If you're getting tired of these side notes, sorry. But I should mention that although I was hesitant to do poppers with a stranger a few weeks ago, I was with a friend that has never steered me wrong/given me bad shit. Plus...drugs are fun! Sometimes!]

We end up at the most baddest ass place to RAWK with one's Cock out in Chicago on a Monday night, Boom Boom Room. Holy shit. I doubted stories I've heard about this place in the past, but they have posthumously gained credibility.

Despite it being a mixed club (by that I mean it attracts nearly equal numbers of straight and gay people) I felt like I was trapped in an episode of Queer as Folk. Go-Go-Dancer Boys, Lasers trying to kill me, and such.

Oh, speaking of those lasers, around 2am I peaked and while staring at said lasers, I tried to explain to anyone that would listen, how "I CAN SEE THE LIGHT(S)!" Which meant I could literally see tiny pulses of light particles emanating from said lasers. Seriously. Like, for real.

After getting some much needed air/a smoke, I got a drink at the bar and felt a tap on my shoulder. I turned around, thinking it was my friend dancing, but in fact, it was a Go-Go-Boy who thought it a good idea to wrap his legs around my arms. FUCK! It kinda freaked me out, to say the least.

Soon thereafter, we closed the place out, and mercifully got a cab to take our wasted asses home. End of story!

PS - I lied. I awoke this morning totally naked, clothes all over the damn place...and decided to eat leftover deep dish pizza (with a few beers).

PPS - This might be further evidence that humans are indeed quite resilient (I actually feel great right now).


Anonymous said...

Can't believe that you were wearing jorts! You are an embarrassment to the gay community! (j/k)

S J D said...

Jorts ... not my favorite. But admitting to the problem is the first step! Alsoooo re:your kind words, thanks for your blessing; it means a lot to me haha

"william" said...

jorts are fine, it is hot out!

best line: PS - I lied. I awoke this morning totally naked, clothes all over the damn place...and decided to eat leftover deep dish pizza (with a few beers).

Billy said...

I was wondering why I woke up to that text!

Cockbag LLC said...

Get rid of the jorts immediately! Hopefully they are cargo jorts either.

JUSTIN said...

I'm really amused at the reaction to the Jorts!

Anonymous said...

Thats why I call them jean shorts. There is no justifying them by calling them "jorts". Added notes- I, upon reflection, will still say I do not remember the last time I went to bed that fucked up. And its all. Your. Fault! Shoving drugs and alcohol down my throat like that...You should be ashamed. But we do have fun, don't we? Love you, bitchface! -G-

Dean Grey said...

Poor Justin....

If you keep this up pretty soon you'll be brain dead and on dialysis!

Thank God for documenting all of this on your blog because once your brain finally shuts down you won't be able to remember any of it years later!


Anonymous said...

Jorts are a time honoured tradition of the summer. Feel free to continue wearing. You have permission from at least one person.

And in response to the "you'll be brain dead" comment, well, at least you'll go out tripping fucking balls.