Sunday, March 22, 2009

HOW 250LBS OF LIVE CRAWFISH CAN MAKE A 250LB MAN ANGRY. AND NO, IT'S NOT THE PINCHERS

[ED NOTE: I'm proud to present to thee my first guest blogger! The following is the work of one of my most awesome of buds...]

"Unsheath my meat. Suck my brain. Don't let the rowdy frat boys next to you inhibit your carnal pleasure." -Claude the Crawfish 

It's rare that a crawfish boil can ever be unpleasant. However, the patrons at Toons Bar did their damndest to ruin a perfectly fine spring day devouring crustaceans. Normally, if I'm not going to a Cubs game, there is absolutely no reason to frequent the bars within walking distance of Wrigley Field. However, a crawfish boil consisting of live mudbugs that were swimming in Louisiana waters yesterday was just spicy enough of a reason to bait me into Lakeview. All signs pointed to a pleasant, non yuppified experience.The Cubs' season hadn't started yet, it was mid afternoon, and it was a balmy 60 degrees outside in March which usually means less people inside bars. But the yucals (yuppie locals in the same douchebagginess as yocals) took a stranglehold of the atmosphere at the bar negating the cooler full of sack after sack steaming crawfish.

I completely forgot how serious people take the NCAA Tourney. The table next to us was full of frat boys and sorority girls who brought their laptops for instant NCAA research with their brackets in full display(normally a sexy sight). The post collegiate yups were all proudly wearing their alma mater and their eyes were glued to the TVs, only making eye contact with others at the table to discuss the unnecessarily complicated bracket scoring system. As sack after sack of crawfish came out, the noise level rose and so did my irritability. Finally, after a couple hours, I could sense my mood changing from perturbed to angry. And you don't want to make "The Rock" Obama ANGRY(<--- woot woot to SNL, which has been spot on lately). It was time to leave before I started my shenanigans, which I shelved temporarily after St. Patrick's Day last week.

Oh Claude the Crawfish,
I'm sorry that I could not devour any more of your brethren due to circumstances out of our control. But don't fret mon ami, I'll get another chance at you tasty mudbugs Memorial Day when y'all are a little bigger and meatier. 1000 lbs of crawfish won't have a chance.

-Another GuyFromChicago

2 comments:

ex-roomie said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
B said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.