Saturday, February 14, 2009


My bouncer cherry? Popped as of last night. I owe this distinct "pleasure" to a rotund, mid-20s female who couldn't hold her liquor for shit. I could tell this woman was trouble from the get go. Tittering on 5 inch heels, she bitched about the $10 cover, struggled to locate her ID, and was generally, well, a fucking bitch. But her friend promised to keep an eye on her, and for the sake of all involved, I elected to let her in.

Bad idea.

About an hour later, I heard a ruckus near the bar. Immediately, I stopped talking up the cute boy I wanted to ask out (more on this in a moment) and saw with my little eye my manager throttling this woman, drink glass smashed to the ground, stiletto heels everywhere. In a word, a drunk mess. He dragged her outside to the curb where she proved stronger than one would have imagined, and I had to literally remove her hands from the throat of said manager. 

Cops where called, but she and her "handler" had wisely gotten this fuck out of dodge before they arrived. For the rest of the night I got high fives from the existing patrons, who told me what a annoying bitch that woman was being. Still, I feel like I failed in that I let her in in the first place, although my initial decision not to was overruled by my manager, so, whatever. 

What REALLY pissed me off though was that I was chatting up this SUPER-ADORABLE nice guy and actually had the balls to ask him for his number, but before I could drunk-zilla had to interfere with my courtship. Drunk bitch fucked up my game son! 


Cooper said...

Um, you "actually had the balls to ask him for his number," and yet you didn't? Where I come from that's called lacking the aforementioned balls, just sayin'... :)

Congrats on the bounce!

Thomas said...

I like to think that Adorable Guy will come back to the bar during one of your next shifts, to start again where you two left off on the conversation.

JUSTIN said...

@ Cooper: I just my mofo while drunk-zilla was accusing me of stealing her $20 (she gave me $4). Bitch!

@ Thomas: I sure fucking hope so; dude reminded me of this I had a boner for in college.

Thomas said...

"dude reminded me of this I had a boner in college"....???? I'm fucking drunk right now and I have no idea what your just said!

...Yay for boners!!!!...?....!!!

OMG, I hope you might mean Sleep-Boners. So wonderful!

james said...

you didn't actually 'bounce' her though, did you? your mgr did.

in any case it is tough when you're the one at the door but you don't own or manage the place so you can't really say 'this is my place, i don't like the looks of you, we don't need your stinkin' 10 dollar bills, go somewhere else and be someone else's problem.

i can't wait to hear about the first guy you toss, though

Cockbag LLC said...

Bogus drunk cock block....Hopefully you have better luck in St. Louis this coming weekend!

dan said...

super adorable nice guy.... ahhh, how dare she! keep keeping on bud.