HAPPY 'TALK LIKE A PIRATE DAY 2008'!

Ahoy! Happy Talk Like a Pirate Day! Tis' a fine time to share some Grog with ye Mates...and um, OK, I suck at talking like a pirate. But I will be drinking like a Pirate at my buddies Pirate Party tonight.

I'm told I will be denied entry if I'm not dressed appropriately, however since I have not the proper attire, I figure I can get with dressing like I always do, with the excuse that, well, I am a Butt Pirate.

Ever wondered what your Pirate name is? Neither did I, but apparently it's "Dry Bone Bronson". I beg to differ on the "Dry" part of this name, but I am not going to fight with a Pirate. If you want to know what your Pirate name is, go here.

It's not enough to talk like a pirate today, you also need to know how to pick one up. Therefore, I present to thee, the Top 10 Pirate Pickup Lines:

Top Ten Pickup lines for use on International Talk Like a Pirate Day

10 . Avast, me proud beauty! Wanna know why my Roger is so Jolly?

9. Have ya ever met a man with a real yardarm?

8. Come on up and see me urchins.

7. Yes, that is a hornpipe in my pocket and I am happy to see you.

6. I'd love to drop anchor in your lagoon.

5. Pardon me, but would ya mind if fired me cannon through your porthole?

4. How'd you like to scrape the barnacles off of me rudder?

3. Ya know, darlin’, I’m 97 percent chum free.

2. Well blow me down?

1. Prepare to be boarded.

I plan on using all, or some combination of these lines with Joey the next time we have sex, especially #9 and #5. Classy.