Friday, May 16, 2008


About 2 weeks ago I wrote the New Guy/Doctor and well, that shit is over with. For the sake of brevity let's focus on a few reasons why this did not work out:

Overuse of the "L" word.

Anyone that says they love me after dating for a week and a half is either incredibly clingy, desperate or diluted in regards to what this word means. The declaration of his "love" for me after such a short period of time would make sense if we were teenagers, but coming from a 29 year old, it seems suspect at best.

I don't know if it results from a yearning to be in a relationship or if he considers me some sort of a trophy, especially after he told me he doesn't date Puerto Ricans (like himself) but only white guys (like me).

Admittedly, I have a thing for Latinos, but I would not ever parade a hot Latino guy around to my friends as I felt he did the last time we hung out. None of them seemed particularly interested in actually talking to me, rather they seemed to wink and smile at me.

Communication Issues

At first I thought his thick accent and curious spelling of various words was cute. But then it became confusing and finally frustrating. Keep in mind I am not some xenophobic asshole that gets annoyed if I have to push #2 for English when I make a customer service call, but when I have no fucking idea what this guy is saying to me or when his syntax is so out of whack that I have to pretend to understand what he is trying to communicate, it gets old. And quick.

Perhaps it would help if we hung out in places other than loud gay bars/clubs, but that's where we always ended up hanging out at, despite my suggestions for dinner or movie or hanging at one of our places.

Does He Even Know My Name?

I cannot think of a single instance, where he used my first name, whether it's on the phone, in person or via text message. Serious. I keep my text trails for a long time and not once did he ever use my name, instead using "Babe", "Homo", "You" or "Love". I am positive of this as I just checked.

W introducing me to his friends he'll introduce me as his "friend" with a not so oblique reference that we are more than friends (as in this is my "friend" said with eyebrows arched or a sly grin).

He has, however, used the term "sweetheart" and maybe I'm jaded, but that reminds me of my Mom (who calls me that) and is not what I want to hear before someone sticks their tongue in my mouth, for obvious reasons. Also, this isn't 1955.

Questionable "Ethics"

Though I am reluctant to deem anyone a racist, he has on more than one occasion used some questionable terms to indicate those with an African American lineage. On our 4th or 5th time hanging out I suggested going to a gay club called Spin, and he dismissed that idea because "that's where dark people go".

That might seem an obvious no-no but at the time I was drunk and figured I misheard him (which happens a lot). What I am sure of is that when he called me one day, I expressed my excitement in regards to Obama's political progress. He referred to him, in a very dismissive tone, as a "monkey". Not fucking cool.

When I got back from LA he really wanted to hang out, but since it was late I didn't return his call, nor have I responded to a slew of ill-formed text messages. I almost feel bad but at the end of the day I really just want nothing to do with this guy.

Maybe that makes me a bad person, but that's the risk one takes when you meet someone in a bar and unintentionally turn them off in ways I have outlined above. There are plenty of guys out there, and I feel no need to waste my time with this one.


borg_queen said...

Whoa. Sorry to hear that. But at least tell him that you can't/won't continue with him anymore (even without explaining.) Don't do a JT Lite on him. You know how it hurts.

Devyn said...

If only I was as insightful at 29...

Anybody that says the "L" word only weeks after meeting you, smells of absolute desperation, and is signaling for you to run as far away as you can before its too late (trust me).

Oh... and... Go Obama!!!!!

dan said...

if I were in the states, i'd be demanding his phone number to tell him how it is in Spanish so its completely CLARO!!, good post, your usual expert perspective, nip it in the bud now is best my friend. I so jealous you went to LA by the way and saw some other bloggers. ha.
take care. later.

K said...


Curiously when you were telling me about this guy, you left out some parts of the story. Now I can see why.

Kick the riffraff to the curb bb!

Anonymous said...

Just keep in mind that some day you will slip someone a $20 to say “I love you.” You won’t always get them for free.

You gotta remember that there is a long standing rivalry between Latinos and Blacks. However, it is odd that a Puerto Rican makes derogatory remarks about other dark skin people. Just remind him the he too is a member of one of the mud races, as you raise your hand to heaven and yell, “White Power,” at the top of your voice.

barack obama said...

Great post, homosweetie! God damn, I love you. . .er, like you.

Speedy said...

yo, long time no see, i deleted my myspace, anyway, yeh, way cool that you're so logical. i shoulda dumped Tiger's ass months ago. next time i'm in chi-town we gots to go out and look at all the boys in b-town. :)