Friday, March 28, 2008

YOU DESERVE A BLOW JOB/ROUND 4

Welcome to Round 4 of Y.D.A.B.J.! It's been awhile since I've done a proper round; see, this shit takes TIME to do, and although I can find the time to devote to a worthy cause such as this, I'm also lazy.

However, I realized that this a noble, civic endeavor, and if the responsibility falls on me to identify those in our society that are deserving of a BJ, well, that's a cross I'm willing to bare. Without further ado...

1. JOSEPH GORDON LEVITT


Last night I watched "The Lookout" (again), and it was even better than the first time I watched it (last Saturday Night).

Then today I read a few reviews of "Stop-Loss", in which he co-stars with Ryan Phillipe & Channing Tatum & ummm....(staring off into space)...oh, right, apparently he's really good in it.

I got a deal for ya' JGL; you play me a song, any song and I'll blow you! AS MANY TIMES AS YOU WANT!

2. MARK DeROSA #7


Poor guy has had a ROUGH Spring Training. Back in February he was running drills and his heart started beating rapidly. He was taken to a hospital and had a procedure to fix his ticker.

Then he was almost traded to Baltimore. Then he got the flu. Then an ear/nose infection. Then he spilled water all over his laptop and it shorted out. Seeing as he's had such a rough time as of late, I hereby offer to "blow-job-DeRosa-back-to-health".

Also, Opening Day is on Monday 3/31!

3. MY DEALER

First of all, he doesn't look like that...and neither do I (although I must say I like that leather coat) and the "deal" didn't go down like that.

On Easter Sunday I met this guy at a bar; we had a beer and talked about why compact fluorescent light bulbs are "bullshit" (mercury!), football (the European kind) and why it's not a good idea to drink shots of Jameson's on Sundays (which we then did).

Then I went outside for a smoke. When I came back inside I ordered another beer and was told to check the right pocket of my jacket. Within said pocket was an HUGE bag of the shizz!

4. JAMES CAYNE


"Bear Stearns Cos. Chairman James Cayne sold his shares in the crippled securities firm for $61 million as it appears closer to a takeover by JPMorgan Chase & Co.

Cayne sold 5.66 million shares at $10.84 apiece on Tuesday, according to a regulatory filing Thursday. The value of his stake plummeted from almost $1 billion last year, when the shares peaked at $171.50 before the collapse of the subprime mortgage market toppled two of the firm's hedge funds and prompted a contraction in credit markets worldwide."

You might be thinking "this asshole does NOT deserve a BJ" but then, the #4 slot of Y.D.A.B.J. is the Hostile Blow Job nominee; therefore, he deserves a unique, terrible Nightmare BJ...from Carrot Top!

5. CHUCK PALAHNIUK

The night before I left for Denver, I made a last minute trip to my local library and picked up a copy of "Rant". Although I read most of the book in the span of 4 days, the final 10 or 15 pages have been left languishing, mostly because this book is so fucking intense. Chuck...anytime, anywhere baby, I got ya' covered, for this line alone:

"The future you have, tomorrow, won't be the same future you had, yesterday".

Finally, I leave you with some music...Marvin Gaye "What's Going On / What's Happening Brother". This is SO GOOD! Totally worth 9+ minutes!


7 comments:

borg_queen said...

For a moment there I thought it was Chuck Palahunk.

And is JLV part Asian?

Soul Seared Dreamer said...

Mmmm.

Can I comment, without actually commenting?

JOSEPH GORDON LEVITT - now thats a name I ain't heard in a while

d said...

you forgot the one person who deserves it most... you... for making such a list!!

too bad youre all the way in chicago

i woulda helped you out there! hehe

Silly Billy said...

Wasn't the end of “Rant” awesome...I believe I have made my love of Chuck known for quite some time now.

I am so psyched, this summer the film version of his book "Choke" hits the big screens starring Sam Rockwell. Can't fucking wait.

Oh, so I mean, get in line when it comes to Chuck.

Frontier Psychiatrist said...

Good call on Joseph Gordon Levitt.

Chicago's Bi Guy said...

I saw stop loss this weekend and yes Joseph Gordon Levitt was good in it. I also watched Latter Days this weekend which I thought he was good in also. But for your number 3... I don't understand what was in the bag. Just text me the answer.

Chicago's Bi Guy said...

Oh and I forgot to post about DeRosa.. OMG.. he is one of the most amazing players the Cubs have. When I actually saw him in person I had to control my mouth from falling open.