BRABUS BULLIT BLACK ARROW

As a friend and I wandered around Cobo Hall in January during the Detroit Auto Show, we were discussing the current "horsepower" war being waged among the German car makers.

Sure, Germany's automakers are making various attempts at "green" vehicles, but let's be serious folks, what the Germans truly excel at, is making insanely fast sedans.

Case in point, the current Mercedes Benz's AMG performance arm stuffed 6.2 liter V-8 into the nose of a C-Class sedan (which is roughly the size of Honda Civic). It produces a prodigious 451 horsepower and 443 pound-feet of torque and sprints from 0-60MPH in 4.5 seconds. Pretty damn fast by any measure.

Well, for those of you that crave a little more "go", the German tuning company Brabus recently introduced it's take on a high performance C-Class sedan, and more or less bitch slapped their AMG counterparts in the process. This week, at the Geneva Auto Show, they pulled the sheet off their craziest model yet...the mighty Brabus Bullit Black Arrow....

How does this sound: take a 5.5 liter V-12, bore and stroke it out to 6.3 liters and strap not 1, but 2 turbos to it? Is that something you might be interested in? Oh, and did we mention it's dripping with matte finish black paint?

FUCK and YES.

The only logical reason that I can think for the existence of this car is a coke-and-stripper-fueled party took place in a seedy Stuttgart hotel room that lasted 3 days too long (also, I think Rammstein may have been present, just a guess).

That Heart of Darkness is capable of producing a "are-they-fucking-serious" 730 HP and a "holy-shit-they-are" 974 LB FT of torque. It'll run 0-60 MPH in 3.9 seconds and top out at 225 MPH (360 KM/H). There is a safety mechanism in the form of a switch that reduces the output of torque to "only" 811 LB FT, presumably so you don't incinerate the tires.

On the inside, anything not covered in leather, is covered in carbon fiber, and anything else that remains is covered in Alcantara (it's like suede, but more durable).

I'll admit it, I am not man enough to drive this car. Even tapping the accelerator is likely to produce an unintended burnout, the likes of which would invariably frighten men, woman and children alike.

Still, I want one! NOW! PLEASE! Unfortunately, it's slightly out of my price range: E348,000, or around $690,000. For something capable of hurtling you to 186 MPH in 24.5 seconds, it almost seems like a bargain.

Mental note to self: Go THE GENEVA MOTOR SHOW in 2009!