Thursday, February 21, 2008


Today began like many others, with me pecking at a keyboard in a cubicle, trying to make myself as invisible as possible. See, I am not one for small-talk at work, and rarely if ever engage in any, let alone listen to any.

However, I will do my best to recount bits and pieces of a random, odd conversation that began with the topic of staph infections and ended with how best to iron a shirt (?). Naturally, the "meat" was much more interesting...

[people talking about staph infections, etc, other shit I don't remember]
Boss: "Of course, he was gay..."
[Hardy laughter abounding, my ears now perk up]
Female Co-Worker #1: "...hmm, yeah, I guess I really don't know any gay people"
[I am trying to not snicker]
Female Co-Worker #2: [suddenly excited] "I have a brother in law who's gay, he lives in Palm Beach, he's a patent attorney. He is soooo good looking, he makes soooo much money and dresses SOOOO well..."
[can I get his fucking phone number? he sounds like a sugar-daddy]
Female Co-Worker #1: "oh, right, I remember now, what's his name, Peter?"
[seemingly out of the blue]
Boss: "you know, there was this one time, after I got out of the service, and a group of friends and I took a road trip up the California coast and we went to this restaurant. We thought something was odd because every guy there was so toned, so bronzed, they all had this amazing thick hair, so unlike my buddies and myself..."
[apparently my boss stumbled onto some sort of 'secret' colony of buff, gay, hot surfers back in the 70's]
Female Co-Worker #2: "they always are so good looking and well dressed"
[me looking at my rumbled shirt and scuffed boots]
Boss: "you know I have a gay nephew"
[wow - imagine that; you also have a gay employee listening to this conversation who spent 10 minutes watching gay porn before he went to work this very morning - but who was late because of "traffic"]

And on it went, eventually with my boss concluding that "you know, I think in a lot of ways that gay men have it easier than straight men" and also "hey! I'm a very gay man! I'm always happy!".

This conversation only serves to prove what I already thought, that some of my co-workers are, at best, totally oblivious, and at worst, mildly retarded.


Chicago's Bi Guy said...

If you have not mentioned your boss was a man I would swear he was a woman the way he gossips. I mean not only this conversation, but the e-mail he sent out about Obama. How does he manage to run a business?

The [Cherry] Ride said...

You're boss is right about one thing though: We TOTALLY have it easier than straight men. Everyone wishes they were gay, right?

Soul Seared Dreamer said...

Thats soo hilarious.

He is soo right.. we DO have it easy. The constant having to lie/hide, our closeted lives, the brutal coming out process, AIDS... seriously SOOO FUCKING EASY.

Great post bro.

Frontier Psychiatrist said...

Obviously there are well-dressed and good-looking gay men. But I don't know why some (a lot of) people believe this is true across the board. It is definitely not.

Your boss cracks me up. But I'd probably go with mildly retarded.

Bruce said...

It also proves that you really need to get the hell out of there!! How's that job search going?

Jeff said...

my boss one time said the following after returning from a trip to south beach: "yeah, there were so many gay men there, i had to go like this..."(and he proceeds to walk quickly around the room with both of his hands covering his ass) i'm dead serious. makes your co-workers look like they have a clue... :-)

jason said...

All coworkers are mildly retarded I think.

But what *is* the best way to iron a shirt?

Matt in Argyle said...

traffic delayed you eh? I've had that problem too, 'traffic' can really delay you sometimes.

Pete said...

LOL... stuck on the pron superhighway. Doesn't sound like they get out much, your co-workers.

Closeted said...

Sounds like you have some great co-workers...haha