Tuesday, November 13, 2007

JOHN DILDOE

Allow me to explain...

First off, that is not my dildo (I swear!) although this was the scene I was confronted with after coming home from work one night. "John-Dildoe" belongs to Roomie. After briefly hyperventilating I was assured it was totally clean and posed no "threat" to anything within it's general vicinity (with the exception of my sanity).

Allow me to explain further. Since Roomie has come back from Peru she has been without employment, and avoiding writing her thesis paper. Therefore, she has been on a mean cleaning streak. One day, while organizing her closet she came across John Dildoe, which has been gathering dust for several years.

In her defense, she spent the majority of today mopping our hardwood floors (a task I have deferred for the better part of nearly 3 months), washing the glass on the framed artwork in our place, cooking chili (yum!) and even cleaning the blinds (thanks Roomie - our shower is totally fucked now).

I guess I can live with a dildo in my dish rack.

Fuck, for all intensive purposes, I am "married". And like the vast majority (total baseless assumption) of married men, without regular sex. Maybe I need a John Dildoe of my own....I don't know what it is lately, but holyfuckingshit I feel the need to get laid! I need to get naked and sweaty with a boy, and soon!

I didn't need a dildo to remind me of this fact, but goddammit it does.

15 comments:

Anonymous said...

intents and purposes

K said...

LMFAO

I spit out all my water from looking at that pic

(is it bad that the dildo was the first thing i noticed?)

Soul Seared Dreamer said...

Flipping hell I'd have freaked.

Strangely at first glance I didn't even notice it.

Its only after reading the first line fo the post. Damn I hope hanging around so many straight people isn't contagious.

Chicago's Bi Guy said...

LOL... that is so funny... Now after reading that I agree with you... I need to get laid let's hit the bars tomorrow

about a boy said...

oh my. i think i would hyperventilate too.

at least it wasnt yours!

Closeted said...

DAMN I would be freaking out too...haha. At least its nice and clean now.

Steven said...

Regardless of its cleanliness, the thought of that in the dish rack is repulsive. :-) I would have to move the silverware collector to that corner just to assure nothing touches the framing in the future. :-)

Anonymous said...

that is funny as hell!!

nickabouttown said...

Well, I don't know why I'm less repulsed because it is a female roomies...

hmmm....

J.R. said...

Yeah, I dunno how much it matters to me that it's freshly rinsed... it's still been places, man.

That aside, since it's not my dishrack -- HILARIOUS!

Nothing Golden Stays

S.B. said...

Wow, it is almost as big as that Pilser Glass on the left. Very impressive Roomie!

Troystopher said...

I laughed so much reading this post! :0)

MEETING NEIL IS EASY said...

Classy.

The [Cherry] Ride said...

...

Anonymous said...

too funny.