DISCLAIMER: This is yet another non-intellectual/totally useless post. But when one is confined to a cubicle for 8 hours a day, well, things like the "story" below become the highlight of one's day.
While on my lunch break today I developed a fierce, though fleeting, 5 Minute Crush while standing in line at the deli counter at a grocery store. I go to this place at least once a week because it's close to my office, they have great food, and I almost always see at least one hot guy dressed in business casual attire. Today was no exception, to say the least.
As I was walking up to get I line, I noticed him. Well, to be honest, since his back was towards me the first thing noticed was his ass. His amazing, perfect, dare I say supple, ass. Really. You should have seen this thing. Most times when guys in their early/mid 20's wear office type pants it obscures, rather than accentuates their ass. Not this guy. Not this ass.
Here are a few of the thoughts that passed through my mind while waiting in line for my sandwich. Enjoy!
While on my lunch break today I developed a fierce, though fleeting, 5 Minute Crush while standing in line at the deli counter at a grocery store. I go to this place at least once a week because it's close to my office, they have great food, and I almost always see at least one hot guy dressed in business casual attire. Today was no exception, to say the least.
As I was walking up to get I line, I noticed him. Well, to be honest, since his back was towards me the first thing noticed was his ass. His amazing, perfect, dare I say supple, ass. Really. You should have seen this thing. Most times when guys in their early/mid 20's wear office type pants it obscures, rather than accentuates their ass. Not this guy. Not this ass.
Here are a few of the thoughts that passed through my mind while waiting in line for my sandwich. Enjoy!
"holyfuckingshit he has an amazing ass"
"I wonder where he bought those pants, I could use a pair like that"
"wow, that chin cleft somehow makes him hotter, almost looks like Tom Brady's chin"
"omg, omg, omg, he totally just caught me staring"
"his eyes are amazing, like diamonds or something equally cheesy"
"hmmm, should I get the 'hail Caesar turkey' sandwich or the 'primo italiano' sandwich?"
"seriously, that is an amazing ass!"
"this woman is standing way too close to me, back off lady, I'm hungry too!"
"man, I love the shoes I'm wearing"
"dammit, he caught me staring again"
"that better be his co-worker and not his fucking girlfriend"
"I wonder what he would look like with my penis in his mouth"
"yes, yes, lean over the counter, just...like...that"
"if I say 'I'll think have what he's having' will anyone get the 'When Harry Met Sally' reference?" "ooo, I think I caught him staring as me! (yeah right)"
"damn, I wonder if I could ask his ass out for a drink..."
"he has to be straight"
"but his does kind of have gay hair"
"OK, no straight man has that good of taste in shoes"
"Justin, you are deluding yourself...he likes boobs"
"I bet he is an ass man (haha)"
"I wonder where he bought those pants, I could use a pair like that"
"wow, that chin cleft somehow makes him hotter, almost looks like Tom Brady's chin"
"omg, omg, omg, he totally just caught me staring"
"his eyes are amazing, like diamonds or something equally cheesy"
"hmmm, should I get the 'hail Caesar turkey' sandwich or the 'primo italiano' sandwich?"
"seriously, that is an amazing ass!"
"this woman is standing way too close to me, back off lady, I'm hungry too!"
"man, I love the shoes I'm wearing"
"dammit, he caught me staring again"
"that better be his co-worker and not his fucking girlfriend"
"I wonder what he would look like with my penis in his mouth"
"yes, yes, lean over the counter, just...like...that"
"if I say 'I'll think have what he's having' will anyone get the 'When Harry Met Sally' reference?" "ooo, I think I caught him staring as me! (yeah right)"
"damn, I wonder if I could ask his ass out for a drink..."
"he has to be straight"
"but his does kind of have gay hair"
"OK, no straight man has that good of taste in shoes"
"Justin, you are deluding yourself...he likes boobs"
"I bet he is an ass man (haha)"
There were many, many other dirty thoughts and/or scenarios playing out in my head during those 5 glorious minutes, which I will keep under my hat.
Eventually I got my food, and Ass-Man and his two coworkers went to sit down. Now, this particular grocery store is a oddly popular lunch spot, therefore they have not one, but two large seating areas. I always sit upstairs because it's quiet and I have room to spread out the newspaper.
I thought for sure that Ass-Man and his coworkers were heading for the first floor section, but at the last moment, they headed upstairs (YES!). Ben Franklin once said that "beer is proof that God loves man" or something. Which I totally agree with. But I think that God loves me because I got to see Ass-Man walk up a flight of stairs (mad props to the big man up there). It was lovely...
The story basically ends there (rather than in the backseat of my car, as I had hoped). I didn't want to be THAT GUY staring at him, but a few times he got up and must confess I did steal a couple sidelong glances. Mostly I focused on my sandwich and the Chicago Tribune. Sigh.
Eventually I got my food, and Ass-Man and his two coworkers went to sit down. Now, this particular grocery store is a oddly popular lunch spot, therefore they have not one, but two large seating areas. I always sit upstairs because it's quiet and I have room to spread out the newspaper.
I thought for sure that Ass-Man and his coworkers were heading for the first floor section, but at the last moment, they headed upstairs (YES!). Ben Franklin once said that "beer is proof that God loves man" or something. Which I totally agree with. But I think that God loves me because I got to see Ass-Man walk up a flight of stairs (mad props to the big man up there). It was lovely...
The story basically ends there (rather than in the backseat of my car, as I had hoped). I didn't want to be THAT GUY staring at him, but a few times he got up and must confess I did steal a couple sidelong glances. Mostly I focused on my sandwich and the Chicago Tribune. Sigh.
You better watch your ass Beckham, Ass-Man might just have you beat.
10 comments:
ok, today you had me on the floor. I come home late and I try not to disturb the neighbors, but to hell with them tonight I was laughing out loud.
Congrats on the nice ass sighting.
LOL!
This post totally made my evening...and I was having such a shitty day.
great post!
great post, i just finally got to read it. i was busy chatting up a new friend all night.
Hahaha. This made me chuckle. A few times.
But still, Becks' ass can not be beat. Unless I see pictures to prove otherwise.
Dude...you need laid :-)
Are you sure you were only in line for five minutes?
Oh David. }Sigh{
yummy :)
okay, that was damn funny! But I gotta say, if any straight man talked like that about a woman he would be a pig! A fucking dirty pig! Imagine some straight, dick-headed jock blogging about a woman's ass having seen her standing in line at the supermarket and then calling her Ass-Woman.....And then, say, posting a picture of J-lo for comparison? (okay, maybe she's not the best example, but I'm not making a point about the best women's asses here...and I can't deny that Beckham is a godly-handsome man with a nice ass, and that he flaunts it, too. But, again, that's not my point)....My point is that for some reason or another, it is acceptable for men to treat other men like sex objects, but to openly treat a woman like a sex object in the language of this post would be offensive. Really offensive.
So, I wonder what your opinion is on men ogling men. Why is it more socially acceptable for men to talk about other men's asses than men about women's? I'd like to hear from your readers, too, if this is an acceptable forum because the commentators have had such positive responses to your ass-perience.
Anyways! Fun posts, keep it up. And if that man's ass could rival Beckham's it must have been a sight to behold.
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