Saturday, August 11, 2007


"I've never been lucky in love, never been lucky in love..."
-Patterson Hood/Drive By Truckers

After getting down on myself on Thursday night about JT, I was nothing short of overjoyed when I got a text from him on Friday morning, responding to my phone call. He apologized for being a flake and said he would "hit me up later". Immediately my mood was elevated but I tempered my new found enthusiasm and decided I would NOT wait by the phone.

I made plans to hang with friends and I made my out to a bar to meet up with them after work. While riding the train my friend asked me what was up with JT and I explained that he said he was gonna "hit me up" (I nearly despise that phrase at this point). Friend suggested I should invite him out, which I did. JT responded that he was at a party but would "let me know for sure" whether or not he would meet up or not. Fair enough (or so I thought).

Long story short, he never got back to me. Had he called/texted and said "no, loser, I don't want to hang out with you, fuck off" I would have been able to deal with that. What I can't deal with with is him just ignoring me and not following through. Once again he made the wheels turn in my brain and got me all excited, then flaked out again and disappointed me.

For that, I'm fucking done.

And I'm not even mad at him. I pissed at myself for being so stupid. And for allowing myself to get my hopes up only to have them shattered yet again. This isn't healthy. I want to be optimistic but I just cannot allow myself to be fucked over again and again, no matter his true intentions. I think I deserve better, so I'm moving on.

Despite JT failing me, I had an awesome time last night. Friends and I were denied admission to the place we wanted to go, due to it's overcrowding. But we went to another bar, a little hole in the wall populated with pretty people, great tunes and good beer. It was also fun introducing recent friends with friends from high school. We drank lots and stayed out until 2AM. Good times.

With all that JT bullshit behind me, I'm gonna get ready to meet friends at what figures to be nothing short of an explosion of homo-ness...Market Days is today! That logo kinda freaks me out but I'm still gonna go and have myself a grand ol' gay time. Who knows, maybe my soul mate is there right now, just waiting for me to show up (doubtful).

My spirit is not broken, if anything it's emboldened.


K said...

Have a gay ol' time buddy!

Anonymous said...

I feel ya, buddy. That experience sounds very familiar.

I'll be home thurs!!!!


J.R. said...

J, you deserve a boy who'll wait for your calls and whose heart will be all aflutter when he's lucky enough to get one. He's on the way, I know it.

(And again with the period outside the quotation marks. I'm gonna have to punish you, hotness. For sure.)

Nothing Golden Stays

dan said...

really, he's just such a GUY!
hope a much better week is ahead, later.

JP Mac said...

What sucks is when you have feelings for someone and you try your hardest to put the equal effort where you look interested but not over interested...

UGH it sucks.... I am comnig to Chicago and I need some QT with you

Dee said...

Don't worry about it J... you'll meet that special someone in no time.

How long will yoiu be in Chicago for jp mac?