Monday, May 14, 2007


Having stayed out until 3AM on Friday Night, it was rough getting up at 9AM on Saturday Morning, and rougher still hauling my ass 300 miles south to my friends wedding, yet somehow I managed. Exiting the interstate I was immediately reminded of how acclimated I have become to living in Chicago. Although the little farm town I drove through was nice in that Norman Rockwell-Saturday Evening Post kind of way, the lack of activity, noise and density made me slightly anxious.

On top of that I didn't know just how far off the beaten path my destination lay. I thought I would only have to endure driving 25-30MPH through small rural farm towns for 15-20 miles, but in reality it was over 50, (the speed limit wasn't that slow all that way, but a lot of it was).

The time before the wedding started was drawing near as I realized i had likely missed a turn somewhere (blow me Google maps). Assuming the lodge I was heading to was near a river I drove towards a quaint iron bridge nestled amongst a slew of trees. Then the gates ahead of my went down and I realized this was not a quaint bridge atop a mere creek, but a mile long bridge spanning the length of the Mississippi River.

Traffic quickly backed up behind me and after waiting 5 minutes, I realized there must a huge barge passing under the drawbridge. I got out my car and walked to the old man and his old dog in the pickup behind me and asked if he knew where my destination was. He laughed and said I passed it by 25 miles. Argh! 20 minutes later the bridge opened back up again and drove to the Missouri side and promptly turned around.

45 minutes later I found the place after passing it and turning around again, (there's a serious lack of signage in rural Illinois). I checked in, dumped my shit in my room and headed down to the bar where 2 of my friends were drinking wine.

We caught up and soon thereafter the Groom entered. I had yet to met my friend's future husband and the first impression was not a very good one. He seemed disinterested at best and the conversation lasted only a moment. I chalked it up wedding day jitters and headed up to my room to get dressed.

After donning my black Calvin Klein suit (sans tie, I fucking hate 'em) I made my way to the main room of the rustic old lodge where the ceremony was to take place. It started only 20 minutes late which must be a record of some kind.

My friend looked absolutely amazing in her wedding dress! (she clearly had lost weight for her big day and I liked how she didn't try and hide her tattoos).The service was brief by most standards, but very nice. Everyone did the rice throwing thing and we moved into the banquet room for dinner/drinks/dancing.

My table included my two engaged friends that I met earlier in the bar, the bridesmaid's husband and her mother, and 3 other people whose relation to the bride and groom is still in question. The food was OK, but being sandwiched between some asshole who only talked about work and my engaged friends pointing out everything that they will do different with their wedding got annoying. Thankfully the speeches were brief and entertaining.

Party-time! Everyone predictably loosened up after the open bar opened and the band started playing. I met a ton of people, 2 of which stood out in particular, (which I will write about next).

After a few hours of drinking the Groom was more or less done working the room and had several servings of alcohol in his bloodstream. He came up from behind me and gave me a huge bear hug and professed how happy he was to finally meet me. I did the whole "you better treat her right or I'll kick your ass" thing, (which is funny because he's a huge Marine and could likely kill me with little or no effort).

Most of the night was spent partying with the bridesmaids and their husbands, one of which knows my older brother from high school, which resulted in him buying me several drinks after the open bar ended.

The party ended with the bride on being hoisted up on a chair like they do at Jewish weddings, (I was so worried the drunken Groomsmen were going to drop my newly married friend, good thing they didn't).

Since most of the guests stayed at the Lodge we all changed and made our way to the Best Man's room, where a bathtub full of shitty cans of beer awaited us. No worries, everyone was drunk enough at this point it made no difference. Someone brought out there iPod and rocked the room with old Sublime. The after party ended around 4AM when the beer ran out along with the remaining revelers energy.

The previous morning's scenario repeated itself with the alarm going off at 9AM, which really hurt my head this time. I checked out and met up with some other friends in the lobby, who suggested we find the new couple and their family who were eating brunch and say goodbye. We repeated out earlier congratulations and made our goodbyes. The most memorable of which was made by the Groom who spurned my hand and instead gave me a huge hug...and brazenly grabbed my ass in front of everyone enjoying their Mother's Day brunch.

Very endearing, this one is. I'm sure he'll make my friend very happy.


jay said...

O.K.A.Y. then. Certainly an interesting character LOL.

Soul Seared Dreamer said...

Oh wow that sounds great. Glad to hear you had a great time.

I have one of my closest friend's wedding in Nov, the engagement was only a month ago. I had to do that whole 'look after her or else' thing too, but he is such a sweet person it was soo hard, my friends said I won't dare. We were all in fits of giggles as I did, coz he could totally have kicked my arse before I even lifted a finger.

PS - I was wondering if I should mention that it's not normal for a just married straight guy to grope his new wife's gay male friend's ass.

Dee said...

Sounds like you had one hell of a weekend. Now maybe you can relax a little.

JUSTIN said...

I would agree that a newly married guy doing that is odd; it certainly caught me off guard. He also gave me the low down on all the Southern IL gay bars...I'm giving him the benfit of the doubt that he is REALLY secure about his heterosexuality.