MY WEEKEND IN ST. LOUIS IN COLD, HARD #'S

1. # of miles driven: 684
2. # of gay bars/clubs visited: 4
3. # of times I heard "SNAP DEM FINGAZ" by ILLBEATZ: 7 (although it felt more like 70)
4. # of times people asked if my friend Renee and I were a couple: 4
5. # of times I was if asked if I was gay: 5
6. # of people that asked me if I was sure: 2
7. # of times I used the word "TITS!" as an adjective: a few dozen
8. # of Jack & Cokes consumed: ? (a lot)
9. # of pole dancers I watched dance: 2
10. # of boys with baseball hats twisted to the side: 5
11. # of times Renee took off her shirt while dancing: 1
12. # of gay men over the age of 40 I saw sporting popped collars: 2
13. # of times I heard people say "Missourah": too many
14. # of Professional Bull Riding Events attended: 0 (my one regret)
15. # of bars we closed out: 2
16. # of times I got made fun of for jokingly "dancing" to Michael Jackson: 1
17. # of Bloody Marys consumed: 1
18. # of hours of sleep: 11
19. # of times I watched "Cruel Intentions": 1
20. # of times I commented on Ryan Phillipe's lips: 20 (conservative estimate)
21. # of times I talked "Tall Shit" to Cardinal fans: 0 (that # would be different if it was baseball season)
22. # of times I pissed on someones front yard: 1
23. # of Renee's friend's sister's houses that burned to the ground: 1 (seriously, that shit sucks for real)
24. # of people that cannot merge in traffic: see #8
25. # of dollars dropped in the "Show Me" state: see #24
26. # of people spotted wearing overalls without a shirt: 1
27. # of times I muttered "fuck fuck fuck" while driving home in a blizzard: at least 50
28. # of White Castle sliders consumed: 2
29. # of dollars donated to Breast Cancer Research: 5
30. # of hot black lesbians that just got back from serving a tour of duty in Afghanistan: 1 (see #16)
31. # of times I thought I was gonna get rolled for speeding in I-55: 7
32. # of times I wondered aloud "who do you have to blow in this city to get a draft of Heineken": 10 (at least)
33. # of mullets spotted: 3 (this surprised me, I expected more to be honest)
35. # of drunken text messages sent: 5 (that I know of)

Thanks St. Louis! I had a great time!