Thursday, August 19, 2010

I'M SCARED/AFRAID

I was raised with the belief that I could always depend on my parents; I've lived my life as such. Had this not been the "deal", perhaps I would have taking a liking to electrical engineering, or taken a few CAT classes.

Never in my wildest dreams would I ever think they both, almost at the same time, collapse around me. I'm almost 31 years old, and I'm capable, reliable, etc, but I still retain this inner voice that freaks me out, and makes me do things I don't want to, mostly to support my declining parents.

It's a sad situation, one I don't think asks of further explanation. But it weighs on me. In ways I never expected, and it reduces my social life. I wanna go out, I wanna date, I wanna live my fucking life.

4 comments:

Dean Grey said...

Justin!

Your dad and mom are more capable and resilient than you think.

With that said, it's natural to worry about them as you grow into adulthood and they get older.

As the bible says, "Honor thy father and mother."

So do just that while living your own life too.

-Dean

jason said...

Sheesh...I hope everything's all right up there with them.
But you're absolutely right about how the thought weighs on you.

Anonymous said...

Justin,

I see pain. I see exasperation. (Imagine Haley Joel Osment from the Sixth Sense saying this...)

Aside from working 9000 hours per week this summer, it seems you give 150% of yourself to others.

Hope your parents are well...or on their way to wellness.

The biggest challenge in life is taking care of self first, without confusing it with selfishness. When you figure this out, share. Many people feel as you do.

Justin, be good to Justin.

Alex

D said...

Boy have you got the bad case of trapped Virgo doldrums! Believe me when I say that you can't avoid it and that you should just battle on.
I'm 5 years your senior and bearing the burden of my parents' debt that is well beyond my means.