On Sunday Night, I had friends over to watch the abortion that was Da Bears' game. Good Lord that was pathetic - but the point of this post isn't to rehash that doth needn't not be. I'll apologize in advance to my readers that reside in the United Kingdom, as you sly cats have had many more years of working out the finer details of speaking the Queen's English.
Here in the Midwest, in the good ol' USA, we seek to DESTROY your precious language! It's nothing personal, nor premeditated; rather it's the outcome of our homogenized existence, or perhaps a confluence of cultures/ethnicity's stacked top tall upon another.
To that end, the following may very well insult/frighten those which hold degrees of higher education. That being said, what transpired upon on my Fridge is rather humorous, at least to myself. Allow me to explain...
So the FOOTBALL (not Soccer!) game was weak and I was hungry, so I did what any self respecting 'Mo residing in this Encased-Meat-Loving-City would do, and rooted around in my icebox for something to fix up while the boys/girl[ex-roomie] were moaning and wailing in the other room (sounds dirty, yes?) at the TV.
I located a package of mango-chicken-sausages [GAY!] within said icebox and went to work cooking them up. While said "meats" were heating up, I sensed the "natives" were getting restless. To distract them, I whipped out the refrigerator poetry magnets I inherited from ex-roomie [thanks again!] and put my friends, and myself, to work. The resulting insult(s) to the English language is (are?) as follows:
[NOTE: If you're wondering, yes, those are the previous 5 Presidents dressed as pimps in magnet form at the top of my icebox]
-BESEECH THY DAMN CODPIECE
-THOU SHALT NE'ER QUESTION A WOMANS WICKED SAUCY BOSOM O'ER YONDER
-DRUNKARD FAREWELL VILE WINTER DEATH AND QUENCH
-LEST YOUR FOUL MERCY HASDT SEEK NIGHT
-LAZY PEASANT LOVE
-SEE HER LIGHT LIKE THINE MISCHANCE
-TRIFILE ME TO YIELD A GOBLET FORTUNE
-DISCONTENT MAIDEN SHALL BESTOLL BAWDY GRACE
-LOATHSOME BELCH HATH CURSE MY LOVER
-MELANCOLY VILLAIN MUST HITHER THIS NAUGHT BREAST
-DRUNK WENCH DOTH STRIKE MY VULGAR MANNER
-IDOL FRIEND MAKE JEST FROM THENCE SLANDER
-HE TEMPTS MUCH TORMENT